Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Disclaimer: More Diet Talk.

So as even the most casual blogger should know, I have struggled with my diet for some time now. Like.. going on 4 months since I was really stalwart. This is really strange since I am (lovingly, I'm sure...) referred to as the 'diet nazi' in my family. I have let 8 pounds creep back up on me which is unacceptable! I have about 14 more I'd like to lose, so I need to get back to business and make it a priority. I need to make these life-long habits and not just a quick fix since I am now responsible for a little girl. I am so afraid that she will pick up on my insecurities and develop her own at an early age as I did. (I remember going on my first 100% fat-free diet when I was 12. It consisted largely of applesauce, carrots, and bread.) So I decided a little while ago that I would stop voicing my insecurities, and maybe that eventually would lead to thinking them less and less. I haven't been as successful as I would like in this endeavor, so I am recommitting right now. There are 2 main reasons for this: I want to stop feeling negative things about my body. I know this probably isn't possible, at least to completely happy with my body all the time. But I know there is great room for improvement. This will obviously make me happier, but I think it is the kind of thing that will have a ripple effect with those around me, especially my daughter(s). I want Bella (and other children to come)to grow up feeling grateful for their bodies, accepting of their differences, and confident. I also want them to learn to take care of their bodies from an early age. So in addition to changing my mind-set, I need to cement my good physical habits. So here is my back on track plan diet-wise:
1. This week I am dedicated to writing down EVERYthing I eat, even if I don't stick to my points. So far I have been quite successful. I haven't stuck right in my points, but I have written in all down, embarrassing as it may be!
2. Next week I will stick to my points, and try to stay in the median. I don't want to be on the high end.
3. Week after, I will make sure that I eat at least 5 fruits and veggies a day.
4. Then I will eat only 1-2 sweets a day. (Point-worthy sweets.- On yeah, about that whole sugar-fast thing. I did it wonderfully for 2 weeks, and then decided to stop. I actually felt good about it because I didn't spazz out and eat a whole bunch of sugar and then decided not to do the sugar fast anymore.. It was a very rational decision. I'm considering doing it again, more long term. I think it helped curb my eating.)
Hopefully these baby steps will help everything come together and get me back on track. I want to be at my goal-weight by my birthday in mid-June. Wish me luck!
I don't have any plans for exercise yet, outside of the occasional Dance Dance Revolution...
p.s. Check out Timm's post today. I loved it.

10 comments:

Amie said...

I love this post...I love that you will say what I only think about. I am sure I need the accountability but hesitate because I don't want the public failure either (yes, I am planning on failure before I begin, another problem). Good luck, keep sharing it helps motivate the rest of us to want to do better!

Jill said...

It's great that you're able to articulate your thoughts and to think long-term about your weight issues. It's a big responsibility to think of how our weight attitude affects our children. Other than being fat and not exercising, I think I do pretty well at not making harsh comments that my kids would hear. I don't say anything about weight or how I look. That's probably part of my Ostrich (head in the sand) way of dealing with things, but at least they're not obsessing about it from watching or listening to me.

Beatrix Kiddo said...

Good thought about not letting your self-consciousness leak onto Bella. It's so sad how 4th graders now and younger are so concerned about their body. In fact my very thin and beautiful niece was just voicing her concern as she stepped on the scale at the doctor. :(

Hannah said...

Sometimes I swear you can read my thoughts...I struggle with the same things as far as creating good habits for Mya and helping her to grow strong with her self image. Every time I give her a snack outside of snack time I wonder if I am teaching her to eat when she is bored or whatever. Thanks for posting this so I don't feel as guilty or weird for thinking all these things all the time. I like your plan as well, it is very realistic and doable. Now that the weather is getting better, we should plan some walking days to take the girls out or something. Even a couple days a week would make a big difference for both of us.

Kim said...

I'm so happy you were able to do the no sugar thing for two weeks! (you have more will power than me, for sure!) However, I agree, I think baby stepping is a much more rational way of doing the "no-sugar" thing. I look at pictures from the spring of 2001 (the last semester we lived together in Regency...) and I was so chubby! (At least compared to how I look now- I think I probably packed on 15-20 pounds that semester!) But back to the point. I credit that weight gain to several things...1) buying a gym membership (side note: that gym membership almost ruined me!) 2) being homesick for Ohio while having a very stressful class schedule (that induced 'stress eating') 3)and most importantly...I tried to quit sugar cold turkey! Everyday I would think..."Okay, I better eat all the doughnuts, brownies, chocolate and complex carbohydrates in sight because starting tommorrow, I'm going to deprive myself of these things forever!" However, tommorrow would come and I would think the same thing. I ended up binging on sugar everyday thinking that that day would be my last day to enjoy it's sweet goodness. I think you get my point. I say moderation in all things, including sugar!

mom said...

Good thoughts, Jess. Once again, I must remind myself almost hourly that I prefer the feeling of deprivation to tight pants! You look great to me and I am proud of your loss so far. Weight lossis one of the most wonderful acoomplishments--onward! (I didn't weigh in this monday---sad, sad, sad, very sad ,way sad, SAD.

rmt said...

Good blog, Jess. I know what you mean about passing your insecurities on to your children. Daniel is teaching me to watch what I say. The other day I made a comment about my "fat belly," and now Daniel will pull up his shirt and say "Daniel have a fat belly, too!" Luckily he is still young enough to think having a fat belly is cool, but I feel really bad that he picked up on my negativity. Anyway, thanks for being so honest about your struggles. For me it always feels good to be reminded that I'm not the only one.

michelle said...

I share these concerns. It's really scary for me, because I have a 10-year old! Strangely, now that I have a girl, I feel even more like I need to be sure not to model a negative body-image. It's so hard. I don't want my kids to have a fat mom.

Heather said...

Hi Jessie--
I am so glad that you commented, but sad that we have such awful loss in common. I am single and childless, and I can not imagine losing a child. I want to say that I understand, but truthfully, I can't. Much of the response of my co-workers has been underwhelming, and that has been another loss, realizing that these folks who I really thought would grieve with me are simply co-workers.

How do you do it? I am often angry and irritable and overwhelmed. Did you go to a support group? I read on your blog that you are a member of a church where you attended a conference. I have a great church home here, and I'm not sure how to let them help.

I am looking forward to getting to know you and hearing back from you, Jessie. You have a beautiful baby girl, by the way. Thanks for reaching out to me.

dpw said...

Thanks for the needed reminder to not let stupid comments about negative body image slip out around my kids. Why is it we're never entirely happy with our bodies? I try to remind myself what a gift my body is, and how disappointed Heavenly Father must be when I complain about it.

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