Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Donations Letter

I need your help in editing! This is my first draft of the letter I will give to businesses when asking for their donations. Please provide any constructive critisim, as to how I can make it better, more effective etc. Denise and Michelle, I am specifically looking in your direction!
Dear
My name is Jessie Tanner, and in June of 2004 our first baby, Lola Jane was stillborn. She was full-term, and I had experienced no problems during my pregnancy, so it was a complete shock to us. We never were able to find any indications of what went wrong, or what caused her death. Something that helped us greatly through this trial was the IHC Bereavement Program headed by Heather Walker. This program provided a box of things to remember our baby, such as molds of her hands and feet, a lock of her hair, and photographs. In addition, I made an album for our baby to remember her, and the experience was very healing and cathartic.
In memory of what would be my daughter Lola’s 2nd birthday, I am organizing a charitable crop in June to make mini albums for the IHC Bereavement Program. I want to be able to provide finished 6x6 albums so that that grieving parents can simply adhere pictures of their baby and have a complete album to remember them by. Some parents may not have the means or skills to scrapbook, or it may simply be too painful for them to do at the time. Regardless, I think every parent would treasure having such a gift, as I know I treasure the few tangible items I have of Lola’s. You must know how important it is to preserve their baby’s memory and the experience they have had with their baby.
My goal is to make 120 6x6 albums to present to the Bereavement Program. This supply would serve the IHC hospitals in the Utah Valley area for one year, and would touch countless lives. We are in desperate need of donations to make these precious keepsakes. Please consider making a donation in behalf of the IHC Bereavement Program. Specifically we are in need of:
Patterned Paper (pinks, blues, and neutrals)
Card Stock (pinks, blues, and neutrals)
Albums
Embellishments
Adhesive
Any donations would be greatly appreciated and I would love to recognize your product in our albums. Please let me know what you can do to help this endeavor. I can be reached by phone at or , or by email at
Sincerely,
Jessie Tanner

{Update!! I got the first company I contacted, Leaving Prints, to donate all the paper!!!! LP is the direct sales scrapbooking company I worked for as an Account Manager when I was pregnant with Bella. I started there just a month after Lola died and it was the perfect job for me then. I was a whacko, and they were so sweet and understanding of my whacko-ness. They donated all the paper! (Or will once I tell her specifically what I want) I feel like I can really make this happen now that I've gotten such a chunk promised already! I am so giddy!!! Prayer works!!!}

4 comments:

rmt said...

That is so awesome that LP is going to donate all the paper! Yay! I think your letter sounds good. The only line that I would maybe change is the "you must know" part because I think that sounds a little too presumptuous.
I'm so excited to see you carry this out. Let me know how I can help and when you want to contact the KMA people.

Jill said...

Congratulations on the big donation from Leaving Prints, that's awesome.

I think the letter is really good.

michelle said...

I agree with Rachelle about the "you must know" part. Maybe "I'm sure you can imagine" or something like that. Otherwise I think it's really good. I'm so excited that you've already got a large donation!!

dpw said...

The "You must know..." sentence is the only one that I don't like, as well. The pronouns sound weird to me, as well as the overall tone (of that sentence) being a bit on the badgery side. Also, check pronoun agreement in the sentence that begins, "I want to be able to provide finished 6x6. . . . " That sentence feels a little awkward to me. I think that it could be reworked, perhaps something like, "With the help of many friends, I plan to make 6x6 picture-ready albums for the grieving parents to preserve memories of their child. Some parents may not have the means or skill to create a scrapbook, or it may simply be too painful for them to do at the time. Regardless,.."

That's great about the paper donation! You're on your way!

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