Saturday, April 15, 2006

Widowhood


Well I am just about finished with my half of the composition books we are making for my mom. It didn't take nearly as long as I imagined it would. Many of you marvel at how I am able to get so many things done. There are 2 reasons for this: The first is that I only have 1 (easy) child, and I am for all intents and purposes, a widow. I am a BYU widow. Oh sure, Timm's alive and all, but hardly, in our family it seems lately! I can count on seeing him on Sundays at least, and that hasn't always been the case so I am grateful. Besides that though, and it's a crap shoot. (Is that the right terminology? I'm not too gambling-savvy) I saw him last night for a few hours to be fair, but the last time before that was on Monday night, and I'm not sure when I'll see him tonight. I get really weary from it. I hate feeling like a single mother, and am just glad that I'm not an actual single mother. I can't wait until we're still poor (as Timm is going to teach high school...) but at least I'll get to see my husband on a more regular basis. At least Bella is good company and cute, to boot! This is a picture my dad took of her while we were out visiting them about a month ago. Incidentally, I've been looking at pictures of Bella from 6 months ago, and she still wears the same clothes! Ridiculous! Oh, and the second reason that some of you marvel at my capability to get things done: I don't blog about all the stuff I don't do. I haven't made any posts about endlessly sitting on the couch, or making cookies and then eating them all. I don't post about staying in my jammies all day with no make up on when my sole accomplishment is to reach out the door and get the mail. I have many, many of those days. (again, the dynamics of having only one child.)
Also, I heard back from the director of the Bereavement Program at the hospital, and she said she deals with about 150 losses a year, but that not all of the parents would want the scrapbook. She said it would be safe to make about 110-120. I am going to pursue this and go to local shops begging next week. I thought about organizing a crop at my church, maybe for Lola's birthday in June. If I can get enough supplies, I may try that. I will keep you guys posted and appreciate any and all help if I can get this idea off the ground and out my just my head.

7 comments:

Jill said...

How about a picture of your finished composition books? Are they allowed to be published or not? I'm still waiting for a photo of your scrap space.

I think having a big crop in June is a great idea. I'm sure that many scrapbooks will be doable, especially if one of the companies will donate the albums.

Beatrix Kiddo said...

Don't be so hard on yourself. Although Bella may be an easy child - she's a child, enough said! I think I accomplish a lot when I can get my laundry done every two weeks while having a full-time job. Add the dogsitting and I think I'm superwoman if I can get the laundry done;)

rmt said...

Bella's eyes look so beautiful in this picture!
And I agree--don't be so hard on yourself. I think that you deserve to take it easy, and I would even venture to say that you SHOULD take it easy when you can, seeing as how things will not always be this way. That's my story, anyway, and I'm sticking with it!
I'm excited for the crop in June. Let me know what else I can do to help out.

dpw said...

I love the idea of the crop on Lola's birthday. Maybe I could drive over for it! (That idea sounds especially good to me today, as I would like nothing betther than to run away from home...).

michelle said...

Love the June crop idea. Especially if it means Denise might drive over!! Definitely count on me. I second Jill's call for photos of the comp. books and your scrap room organization.

michelle said...

p.s. the kids and I took a walk to the cemetery and stopped by Lola's grave. We brushed away all the cut grass that was covering it. We had a good talk about resurrection and about how Bella has a big sister. Lucas didn't realize that I was able to hold her. It made me feel sad and happy both.

mom said...

The last and perhaps only day I can remember staying home and not getting dressed or putting on makeup is our Sunday together in Nantucket! I think you should look at this as a joyful option and just make sure to have a positive spin when you feel like it's a cop-out! When Michelle was a baby, Dad traveled every week! I hated it so much. He woudl leave on Sunday nights many weeks and return on Friday night week after week. I lived through it (in Riverside, or Rubidoux(!) to be exact. our Ward was sad sad sad and we lived in a cute condo that was new but it was in the ghetto and we didn't know it! Those were three long years! Hang in there and I can't wait to see the books! Thanks!

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