I got this idea from Jill when she posted about her studio. (Which, due to my 'virus', I just read.) I wanted to do a video format and in my first try, which I thought was pretty hurried and condensed, it was 3 minutes long. Thus, completely un-uploadable. So I redid it on a 30 second format. This did not leave any room for descriptions, so if there is a question, ask it and I will answer it. This is my space.

Found! Missing 26 year old woman lost in the Southeast...

I have been notably absent for quite a while, even for me. We got a nasty 'virus' on our computer, which I do not totally understand, although the analogy works well for my imagination. In short, I haven't been online except for small glances at some favorite sites, but by and large I am ignorant and left behind in the overlapping worlds of blogs and the internet. Here are some favorite photos from the past 2 weeks, which should adequately depict my languid life.
I love this picture of Moose. I am a fan of the super-macro mode on my camera (in fact it was a determining factor in the purchase.) Moose however, if uncomfortable with the extreme close-up with a lens in her face. I love that squishy nose. Erin, you know what I mean when I say I squish it all the time. She is never safe from a little pinch between my index and middle fingers.
2 Sundays ago, Bella wore this darling dress for the first time. Denise made it for Charlotte, I believe, which would put it at about 20 years old. It was actually cold enough to wear it, so we delighted in taking pictures. So cute Denise. (this is what she did when I told her to put her arms down for the picture. Classic.)

I've since trimmed her bangs.

I learned a little lesson over the weekend. It is this: Destitution alone is not reason enough to potty-train your child. We had one diaper left, a negative account balance, and no payday in sight for one week. My options were thus: 1. call an acquaintance (since I have no real friends, to speak of-) and ask to borrow a weeks worth of diapers, consequently giving a shortened version of my humiliating dilemma, or 2. impromptu potty training. I opted for number two. I harangued Hannah for advice and started almost halfway through the day on Friday. Despite my best coaching and efforts, (see Exhibit A, below-) after 2 1/2 days, it was clear she was not ready. Timm got an emergency pack with the credit card to last us until payday, and we will wait another few months.

(Exhibit A.)

Bella is not very accommodating with the Self Portraits. Grr.

And lastly. Michelle sent me the most delightful package last week! ( I think...) In it was no less than 25 sheets of paper (a rare delicacy for me!) a sheet of journaling die-cuts, a transparency, and Heidi Swapp acrylic Clock Face stamps. It was like Christmas! I was just recently lamenting my lack of new paper, since my resources are few, and my monies fewer still. It was so delightful. I love all the paper, but some of them are painfully cute! Love it. Love her.

Oh, and I am on Weight Watchers week 3. Although it has not always been easy, and I have not always made the best choices, I am having success. Week 1 I lost 5 pounds, and I was very good. Week 2 was eh, and I was slightly worried about the weigh-in, but I lost another 2.5 pounds! (total: 7.5 lbs in 2 weeks :)I still struggle to make good choices and not eat a day (or two's) worth of 100 Calorie packs and Fiber One bars, but changes are in the making. Week3 started yesterday. Going forward...

Cognitive Therapy

Yesterday I started WW Points, again. Yesterday was also the first day that I have actually adhered to the program without deviation. Some would say maybe I should have done this before I reached a point where I now have to lose 60-70 pounds. Yes, really. Moving has not been kind to my fragile state prone to emotional eating. I have no friends here, but oh, I have food alright. I always have my old reliable pals fat, calories, and sugar.
But. I feel different this time.
Really, I do. And the only reason I can pinpoint for this renewed energy and attitude is talking to Hannah on Sunday. I don't know why Hannah seems to have so much wisdom and maturity when it comes to decision-making and action. Whether it is mothering, wife-ing, or just everyday choices, they seem to come so easily to her- Yet I know that she works hard at all of these things. She has a talent for making it look natural.
I was recounting my last week's failures yet again at trying to eat better and lamenting my lack of discipline and progress. She however, is succeeding in her exercise and diet endeavors. The main difference seems to be this: now hold on to your hats, ladies and gentlemen- this is BRAND NEW information. Revolutionary, I tell ya. She said " I just don't let myself make excuses. I know a lot of people do that and it would be easy to do, but I just don't let myself." To which I replied: "What?! Making excuses for myself is the only way I can live with myself and reconcile my failures!" Without excuses I'd be... accountable! (collective gasp!)
I make excuses for myself many times daily. Whether it is depression-a common scapegoat- being tired, a sore throat- really, I can find my way out of anything undesirable or something that requires more effort than I care to expend. Depression really takes the brunt of a lot of 'failures'. Many times I do not feel able to care for someone else because I am already struggling so in finding my own footing. It is easy to do, and maybe even legitimate at times. But no more. Somehow, this was a complete revelation- I know, sad. "What? You mean, just not make excuses? Just... do it?" Stripped of my excuses and plaintive reasoning, it's just... me. Me, with my goals and hopes and dreams and fantasies- I've been my own worst enemy.
I also began a very gradual, but consistent walking/exercise routine yesterday.
It is because of all this that I am asking, now, on one knee:
"Hannah, will you be my life coach?"

Moosey-Girl

After a couple of inquiries after our Moosey- dog, I thought I would update on the dog front. (Other known aliases include 'Moose',Moosey', "Moosipher', or maybe it's 'Mucipher'. "Moosey-Girl.' 'good Dog', 'bad dog' and 'Bwack dog.')
Literally, only a couple of people asked; Denise and RoRo. The rest of you, bear with or skim. I guess you could skip, but obviously I'm not a big fan of that option. Besides, I may just end up saying something surprising. You just never know! I'm a firecracker.)

This is Moosey very shortly after we got her. The irony for her is that she adores Timm- he is probably her favorite person, but he...well, detests her. Okay, detest is a little strong, but not much. He told me that he was not a dog person before we got her, but I didn't realize the immensity of this truth. As usual I badgered him into getting her, but I honestly thought that he would grow affectionate towards her like has the cats. Not so. He does praise her when she does as told and stays away from him. She will lay next to him, barely able to hold still for excitement to be in his proximity. He will tell her to stay off, but she will steadily inch her way closer and closer to his face with the cutest happy-moon eyes you've ever seen. She will sometimes look up and behind her to him with these pleading, mournful eyes, and I don't know how he still resists her wiles. Also ironic, is that she does share the same adoration for me, who is arguably her biggest fan. She doesn't seem to care if I'm there one way or the other, though of course she is friendly and likes me. I think she views me as a boring old alpha female who has the power to lavish or withhold love as it pleases me. Still, she is a very good dog. But she's a dog. This is how I always explain her to Timm. She doesn't chew, bark unnecessarily, never shows aggression, listens very well, wants to please, is house trained, affectionate and loyal. She's only hyper when I want her to play, otherwise she's a couch dog. She's small enough to transport, but not frail. But as a dog, she also licks. She wants to lick Timm's face. Timm would just as soon lick her face as allow her to lick him. She takes up room in our already small bed. She wants him to pet her. I would say those are his main complaints. I guess he's really not a dog person. Oops.
Here she is trying to capture her 'white whale', Bella's dolphin toy. It squeaks and with that has the power to drive Moose insane with yearning. She tries every way to get it from the tub, and once jumped right in, so I gave her an impromptu bath. Bella thought it was pretty cool and requested it (fruitlessly) for some time afterwards. I am not pregnant.
This is her at Christmas lounging on my dad's lap. She really has an affinity for men, so she was in heaven when my brother Ryan and his son Miles were there. Here were possibly the first boys that returned her affections. Ryan even had a dog voice for her. She was really pleased. For about 2 days. Now she's back to Bella ceaselessly chasing her and ousting her from her favorite napping place, alternately cornering the cats and keeping a wide berth, and wishing I would walk her more often.

Musings

(It is so strange for me to think that almost no one sees me anymore, in the blogging world at least. So- this is my latest hair, courtesy of Timm's g.c. for Christmas and 2 1/2 years of patience. I had my bi-annual trim and very rare coloring treat thanks to tt, and 2 1/2 years of growing it this long. Still, it is almost always in a loose knot messy ponytail.)
If I am to be plagued by an 'eating disorder', why can't it be anorexia instead of overeating? There is nothing glamorous about those who over eat or even occasionally binge- no one praises the iron will of the over eater. No one secretly wonders if you may have an eating disorder, because sooner or later it becomes painfully, physically obvious. Unless you follow your binge with a purge-which I do not- there is no privacy to your deviant behavior. And I don't want to be all 'Sally-Jesse Raphael guest- intervention -brittle nails-fist fulls of hair- exoskeleton- anorexic'- just fashionably so. Perhaps even enviably so. I do not mean to make light of what is a very serious condition, some even term 'disease'. I jest. Mostly.
But that's another thing...When did any and every shortcoming, vice, sin, or misgiving become termed a 'disease'? Many of these things are rightfully termed, perhaps even the depression that I have come to know and loathe these last, oh, nigh unto 8 years now. But just how is that determined- because when I break it down in my mind, the word means something that puts you at dis-ease. Not at ease. Well, if that is the determining factor, a great many things in this world are indeed diseases masquerading as bad taste. Poor choices. For instance: hot pants, leg-warmers, people who ask you if there is anything in their nose and the greater part of Trenton, NJ. I don't particularly like teacup Chihuahuas and it may be fair to say that they put me ill at ease, but I do not deem them 'diseased'. Most of them. If this is the yard stick we are using, then people who don't signal, dirty dishes in the sink, and cellulite all have some urgent medical needs to attend to stop the spread of such insidious diseases.
But if I had to have one, couldn't I opt for anorexia?

First Date

Bella's 'first date' with our neighbor Caleb (5) and his Jeep he just got for Christmas. He calls her 'Miss Isabella' and for that I love him.Sweater look familiar, Hannah? It is a favorite around here.

What I've Been Up To

So- here it is, almost a month later. What do I have to show for myself? Excess weight, strained finances, and evolving home decor. I have mostly been keeping myself busy continuing to feather our very little, but charming nest. Outcast from my closet due to some space-saving changes, are piles of clothes that I am too fat to now wear. Oh my clothes... my cute, cute clothes. I miss you my darlings, as well as my old, retrospectively cute body.Here is Bella's room, basically finished. All that is lacking is some curtains, which I will acquire some way or another. She doesn't actually sleep in this room yet, as she still has not attempted to climb out of her crib. I am milking that blessing for all it's worth until a. she finally climbs out, or b. we have a baby who will oust her from it. All of her toys and clothes etc are in here though.

This is one of my favorite little nooks right now. It is our entry- I use the term loosely. More accurately, 'this is next to our front door.' I arranged this after Christmas, since a lot of this was then- acquired. 99% of these things were given to me as some time by, who else... my mom! Of all of this, I can claim only a small nest. The rest, from my benefactor.
This is our fantastic new tv, courtesy of mom and dad on our recently-painted aqua sideboard. Also, I bought that oval mirror at a yard sale for $1!!
One of those weird 'architectural' features in a home that I never know what to do with- this is in the vaulted ceiling in our living room, above the aforementioned sideboard-tv combo. Cool gold frames courtesy of.... my mom.
This little arrangement is under the bar in the living room. Surprisingly, all of it is from my mom except for the small blue saucer I bought at Goodwill. OH- and the photograph of lightening over Israel is Timm's.

My awesome $40 D.I. find- the table I bought before I left. I've since painted it white and distressed it, plus one of three chairs I have accumulated. Also, my beloved sewing machine and I have reunited and resumed a passionate affair. We've brought in a third partner- felt. More to come on that.
So as you can see, I am a pathetic girly-man who cannot sustain a cute or fashionable existence were it not for my benefactress mother. I am not completely inept in the design department, I am merely completely without funds to support the deceptively comfortable surroundings I enjoy. Luckily, I have accepted this and try to do my part by not asking too much and being the ever-grateful recipient that I am.
More updates to come on Christmas, creativity, and Craps.
Ok, not really the Craps. Just liked that alliteration I had going on.