Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Cognitive Therapy


Yesterday I started WW Points, again. Yesterday was also the first day that I have actually adhered to the program without deviation. Some would say maybe I should have done this before I reached a point where I now have to lose 60-70 pounds. Yes, really. Moving has not been kind to my fragile state prone to emotional eating. I have no friends here, but oh, I have food alright. I always have my old reliable pals fat, calories, and sugar.
But. I feel different this time.
Really, I do. And the only reason I can pinpoint for this renewed energy and attitude is talking to Hannah on Sunday. I don't know why Hannah seems to have so much wisdom and maturity when it comes to decision-making and action. Whether it is mothering, wife-ing, or just everyday choices, they seem to come so easily to her- Yet I know that she works hard at all of these things. She has a talent for making it look natural.
I was recounting my last week's failures yet again at trying to eat better and lamenting my lack of discipline and progress. She however, is succeeding in her exercise and diet endeavors. The main difference seems to be this: now hold on to your hats, ladies and gentlemen- this is BRAND NEW information. Revolutionary, I tell ya. She said " I just don't let myself make excuses. I know a lot of people do that and it would be easy to do, but I just don't let myself." To which I replied: "What?! Making excuses for myself is the only way I can live with myself and reconcile my failures!" Without excuses I'd be... accountable! (collective gasp!)
I make excuses for myself many times daily. Whether it is depression-a common scapegoat- being tired, a sore throat- really, I can find my way out of anything undesirable or something that requires more effort than I care to expend. Depression really takes the brunt of a lot of 'failures'. Many times I do not feel able to care for someone else because I am already struggling so in finding my own footing. It is easy to do, and maybe even legitimate at times. But no more. Somehow, this was a complete revelation- I know, sad. "What? You mean, just not make excuses? Just... do it?" Stripped of my excuses and plaintive reasoning, it's just... me. Me, with my goals and hopes and dreams and fantasies- I've been my own worst enemy.
I also began a very gradual, but consistent walking/exercise routine yesterday.
It is because of all this that I am asking, now, on one knee:
"Hannah, will you be my life coach?"

8 comments:

michelle said...

This is hilarious. It IS a revolutionary thought: just don't allow myself to make excuses? Whaaaaat? Wow. I started the walking routine!

p.s. your eyes look so gorgeous in that photo!

Amy said...

Yes, I think Hannah could make a fortune as a life coach. She could bill herself as the wises 20-something around. How did she get so smart?

I started Weight Watchers last week. I stopped myself before you, but still have 30 pounds to lose. 30! How did that happen? It's a drag, but it is nice to know that I am doing something to turn my body around, rather than just wishing I was thin and making no effort.

Good luck Jessie! Remember, no excuses!

RoRo said...

You hit the nail on the head for me, I am using my health as an excuse and it's fine with me!!!! If I don't do something today I'll say it's because I wasn't feeling quite up to it, the sad thing is my husband is an enabler!!!! if I don't do something he tells me it's okay because I didn't feel good (can I blame him?) so I am trying like you, no more excuses (unless it really is health related) and to just do it!!! so far I was doing okay but lately I am slipping again! Good luck with WW, you can do it!!!!!

Hannah said...

This totally has me giggling. You are awesome Jessie- and you CAN do it! I am glad that talking to me was the kick in the butt you needed then :) You holding me up so high is a motivator for me to say the least.

I LOVE this picture of you. Do I always say that? You just have this look like you are ready to take it all on and overcome any obstacles.

Maybe you can have two words for the year...no excuses?

Diana said...

Good luck. I know you can do it.

Jill said...

No more excuses, there's an idea.

I have had an epiphany of sorts lately and have posted about it, but seriously every time my mind starts creating a reason for why I shouldn't have to get up to go to the gym, this quiet voice of reason chimes in and reminds the rest of me that it will feel worse to stay in bed than it will be to get up and go.

Also, I heard this doctor on NPR yesterday on Radio West talking about the way our bodies are programmed to do what we tell them to do, so if we don't give them movement and good things then the message we're sending is that it's time to decay. It was a great program and totally made sense to me. I don't want to decay, I want to be all about movement this year!

Tasha said...

Jessie, I feel like I constantly teeter and totter between being way too hard on myself and letting myself off the hook much too easily. Its hard to find that middle ground...

Your hair looks AWESOME! I love it!

mom said...

I was so looking forward to your words of wisdom as prompted by Hannah and I wasn't disappointed!

I love the whole idea and will embrace it myself! I know it will be of value both in my work and my "play" (what's that?!)

You motivated both Linda and I to stay on our points for the past two days! YeA! And, I ordered some kind of excercise equipment (at Dad's recommendation) last night!

I wish you perfect success! I'll do my best to support the effort with good mail every now and then.

Thanks, Hannah , for the good friend that you are to my Jessie!

And, Jessie, please check out the new friend, waiting to get to know you by the name of Molly! I heard about her from Linda. She sounds cool!

Press on.

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