Saturday, November 22, 2008

Evidence

Just in case anyone thinks I am exaggerating or being dramatic about the issue of 'colic' and reflux around here, I submit this evidence.
If you are prone to migraines or hypertension, do NOT watch this video.
video
That was 15 seconds of what can amount to 3 hours of screaming and crying. Tonight she stopped about 30 minutes ago after 3 1/2 hours of intermittent crying, where there was more of that than there was of peace.
I tried to make cookies to stuff my frustration and stress, but only got so far. I abandoned it after 10 minutes. The amount of time that she stayed asleep in her crib when I transferred her from my arms. I left it all in the kitchen.
My bed, unmade for the last 2 days.
A project I undertook, organizing and storing my maternity clothes and cleaning out my drawers. A relatively simple project I started yesterday. Silly me.
My stack of books from the library awaiting my attention.
The one I am currently trying to get through in the very few minutes a day I can actually read.
Colic self-portrait.
Trying to deal.
And this is me, in all my glory. Lounge clothes with multiple large spit-up spots. Actually my second spit-up covered cleaning shirt of the day. Yesterday's makeup-smeared mascara and eyeliner. Zits dotting my entire face, no doubt from a combination of stress and a deluge of sugar and other large quantities of junk. My teeth aren't even brushed.
While it's true that the screaming is usually only at night, my days are often darkened by the shadow of the previous night's episode. Last night was another particularly bad 'sode, and today I was tired, lounged, and tried to recoup. Thus, my house in in disrepair, I am in... a sad and sorry physical state, and I miss my husband as more than a sounding board and an occasional relief from the screaming baby. I am actually dealing quite well and am very proud of myself on my emotional fortitude, but I still don't know how much more of this I can take. Right now she is mercifully asleep in her crib, (going on 20 minutes!!) and I am trying to steel myself for-at best, wakings at every 2 hours, and at worst, sleeping with her in my arms. Or maybe it's the other way around. I don't know anymore.
How on earth am I hosting my family's stay for Thanksgiving in 3 days? What the?
Help me. I am dead inside.
(that last part was supposed to convey a dry but humorous declaration of my mental state, but Timm said it read more like 'I am going to go kill myself.' So- it's not suicidal. It's dry humor at the expense of my sanity.)

5 comments:

Jill said...

Holy Hell, how are you coping at all? Just that brief snippet of her crying made my blood pressure rise. I would seriously have to wear ear plugs in order to deal with the situation and would probably have to resort to letting her cry a lot in her crib so that I didn't end up sobbing too. I hope this phase ends soon, but at least you have a sense of humor about it and a blog outlet. I will send all my good thoughts and prayers your way!!

michelle said...

Oh my, this is sounding very bad, so bad, bad bad bad!

Lucas used to cry like that for a couple of hours at night, for unknown reasons. It raises your blood pressure for sure.

Jill makes a good point. Occasionally you do just have to let them cry for awhile, just so you can shower or brush your teeth or make cookies, whatever will restore your tenuous hold on sanity.

Your words and self-portraits portray mothering an infant in all its truth and glory. That is serious honesty, and I love that you can still have a sense of humor through it all, it's admirable really.

I'm glad Timm had you clarify the end of your post because I was worried there for a second!

Molly Krauss Smith said...

Man, oh man. That explains the exhaustion in your voice this morning. You're Superwoman, really!

Susan said...

I think Grandma and Grandpa can do some holding while there.....in between painting the nursery, cooking Thanksgiving dinner and putting up the Christmas decos.....

I guess I'd better ask Grandma Charlotte for some "vitamin V"!

Perhaps a blessing is in store.

desi said...

i havent looked at this in a long time. today i did, and i must tell you - jessie you are seriously hilarious. you need to find an open mike and do stand up.

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