It's....

Another Girl!{look carefully and you can see the 'girl parts' where the arrow is pointing. This is a bottom-view up.}

3 in a row. I can't believe it. I was pretty convinced that this baby would be a boy, not in any small way due to the 'ring test'. I can't explain why- it is completely illogical, but when the ring predicted I would have girl, girl, boy, girl in that order, it sealed my fate as far as I was concerned. This was when Timm and I were dating, and the ring predicted the same fate for him as well- a prediction I was sure meant we were destined to marry. This turned out to be true, as did the first 2 girls. A boy was clearly the only possible option. I thought. Apparently there is more to this family planning thing than a ring dangling from a string. Because I was so convinced that this would be a boy, I started preparing myself a long time ago. I've been afraid of having a boy for a long time, and so started the indoctrination that a boy would be okay, even a good thing. By the time i had this ultrasound, I was convinced that I was ambivalent about the sex of this baby, maybe even that I wanted a boy.{this is the 3-d image we got! It wasn't the best, or the easiest since it was a little early for that type of ultrasound, but very cool nonetheless.}

But here she is, baby girl #3, Fiona Kate. I can't help it- I'm excited. I would have been fine with a boy- truly I would, but after a couple of days reflection, I'm glad it's a girl. I'm glad because I want the two of them to be good friends, and I think they've got a better chance being the same sex. I'm glad because we will probably have one more child after this (I think) and I will probably need to bunk these two girls together. I'm glad because I have a TON of cute girls clothes, and no money. I'm glad because I love the trio of girl's names: Lola, Isabella, and Fiona. I'm glad because I love my girls, and I already love my Fiona girl too.

{I can tell she's beautiful already from this profile.}

Incidentally, this was the clearest ultrasound I've ever seen! I was very impressed with the quality and clarity- I could see her swallowing, 'talking', and moving a lot. The novelty or impact of an ultrasound never wears off- it is always cool. So- I will be a mother of 3 girls. Weird. And cool. September 22nd is my 37 week mark, our expected delivery date, putting me at almost 25 weeks now. Whew.

4 Years

Today was Lola Jane's 4th Birthday. It's hard to know what to say, except the obvious. It was a hard day. I've never been pregnant over her birthday, and it makes a difference. It's never a great day, and comes with varying degrees of emotion, mourning, and reflection. In anticipation of this day I was already a little nervous, though very grateful that I am here in Utah to commemorate it. When she died we decided to bury her in the Orem cemetery because of it's proximity to Shell's house (only a couple of blocks). We didn't know where we would end up, but knew that Shell would likely be here for a while. I'm glad we did. I'm also glad that I had Shell here to share the burden with. Timm and Shell were the only ones present when we found out that she had died, and also some of the very few who held her.{My 3 girls.}

Being pregnant again on this emotionally-charged day was a challenge. Knowing I am carrying another girl made it a bit too close to home as well. Surging hormones brought all of my fears, disappointments, and heartaches to the surface. It was surreal to think that it had been four years- that I was there with my 3-year old little girl, and my newest little girl in utero. How did I get to be that person who would have 3 babies in 4 years? Unforeseen circumstances, I suppose.

Time has helped ease the wounds, and softened the raw edges of my pain, but the sting remains. Especially today. I know others will forget, that the memory and impact of her life and death with fade and even disappear for others, but for me- I will always remember. She will always be my baby girl, my first born, my sweetest baby girl who waits and watches over. The significance of her brief life is not diminished by the years or the fleeting time I held her.
Today I miss her, I love her, and I am forever grateful for her life and it's influence on mine. i would do it all again, but I hope I don't have to.

97/200

Alright, alright- I'm on the bandwagon. It's a cool way to visualize things you may never have really thought about. And think about things you want to add to or highlight from the list. So I did it too. I think I'm gonna star the ones I want to accomplish.

200 Have and Have nots!

1. Touched an iceberg

2. Slept under the stars

3. Been a part of a hockey fight

4. Changed a baby's diaper

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

*7. Swam with wild dolphins

8. Climbed a mountain

9. Held a tarantula

10. Said "I love you" and meant it

*11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea

14. Stayed up all night long and watched the sun rise

*15. Seen the Northern Lights

16. Gone to a huge sports game

17. Walked the stairs to the top of the Statue of Liberty

*18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables

19. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope

20. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment (frequently during our sacrament meeting while watching the deaf interpreter sign the Hymns.)

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Bet on a winning horse

23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill (too many...)

24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb (his name was 'Lamby'.)

26. Gone skinny dipping

27. Taken an ice cold bath

28. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar

*29. Seen a total eclipse

30. Ridden a roller coaster (How is it that I used to love them, but at around 23 discovered I was too old to enjoy them? I wasn't even a mom yet-)

31. Hit a home run

32. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking

33. Adopted an accent for fun

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Felt very happy about your life, even for just a moment

36. Loved your job 90% of the time

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied (although I have no idea when this was- probably when I still lived with my parents and had disposable income.)

*38. Watched wild whales

39. Gone rock climbing

40. Gone on a midnight walk on the beach

*41. Gone sky diving (before I had kids I was sure I would do this- now...?)

*42. Visited Ireland

43. Ever bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

44. Visited India

45. Bench-pressed your own weight

*46. Milked a cow

47. Alphabetized your personal files

48. Ever worn a superhero costume

49. Sung karaoke

50. Lounged around in bed all day

51. Gone scuba diving

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud

54. Gone to a drive-in theater

55. Done something you should regret, but don't

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business (starting with my paying library I formed when i was about 8.)

58. Taken a martial arts class (I attended one for a birhtday party as a child- the instructor told me I made the loudest noise-thus hitting the plastic sheet the hardest. I've always been a hard-a**.)

59. Been in a movie

60. Gone without food for 3 days

61. Made cookies from scratch

62. Won first prize in a costume contest

63. Got flowers for no reason

64. Been in a combat zone

*65. Spoken more than one language fluently

66. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone

67. Bounced a check (alas, too many...)

68. Read - and understood - your credit report

69. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy (some of them- i loved Memory, My Little ponies etc, and now I can buy them for Bella.)

70. Found out something significant that your ancestors did (um yeah- they were pioneers!)

71. Called or written your Congress person

72. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over

*73. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge

74. Helped an animal give birth (several times, actually.)

75. Been fired or laid off from a job (though I have failed to show up ever again for a couple of them...)

*76. Won money

77. Broken a bone (one. my index finger. And of course, it was sports-related. Or at least gym-class related.)

78. Ridden a motorcycle

79. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph (yikes...)

*80. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon

81. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing

82. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days

83. Eaten sushi

84. Had your picture in the newspaper

*85. Read The Bible cover to cover

86. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about

87. Gotten someone fired for their actions (she was crazy. I was seriously afraid for my safety should she find out it was me...)

88. Gone back to school

89. Changed your name ('taylor' to 'tanner'. No biggie. Though as a child I tried to change the spelling of my middle name to all kinds of ridiculousness including 'Lyne'.)

90. Caught a fly in the air with your bare hands (it was awesome.)

*91. Eaten fried green tomatoes (I live in the South now, so I really should.)

92. Read The Iliad

93. Taught yourself an art from scratch

94. Killed and prepared an animal for eating ( I hope never to do this. I was born in 1981 for a reason.)

95. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt

96. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language

97. Been elected to public office

98. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream (I'm sure it was a fleeting notion.)

99. Had to put someone you love into hospice care

100. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you

101. Had a booth at a street fair

102. Dyed your hair (blonde, brown, red, every natural shade in between, every combination of these, as well as hot pink and blue.)

103. Been a DJ

104. Rocked a baby to sleep

105. Ever dropped a cat from a high place to see if it really lands on all four

106. Raked your carpet (what the hell is this??)

107. Brought out the best in people

108. Brought out the worst in people

109. Worn a mood ring

110. Ridden a horse (i miss this...)

111. Carved an animal from a piece of wood or bar of soap

112. Cooked a dish where four people asked for the recipe

113. Buried a child (Lola Jane- 4 years ago on the 27th of this month.)

114. Gone to a Broadway (or equivalent to your country) play

*115. Been inside the pyramids

116. Shot a basketball into a basket -- must have been a miracle!!

117. Danced at a disco ('disco' is just a silly old-timer word for 'club', right?)

*118. Played in a band

119. Shot a bird (seriously.)

120. Gone to an arboretum

121. Tutored someone

122. Ridden a train

123. Brought an old fad back into style

124. Eaten caviar

125. Let a salesman talk you into something you didn’t need ('Gutter Guardian' was almost one of them last fall.)

*126. Ridden a giraffe or elephant

127. Published a book

128. Pieced a quilt (it's been too long.)

129. Lived in an historic place

130. Acted in a play or performed on a stage

131. Asked for a raise

132. Made a hole-in-one (if mini-golf counts!)

*133. Gone deep sea fishing (I don't really want to catch anything tho')

134. Gone roller skating

*135. Run a marathon (a dream goal)

*136. Learned to surf

137. Invented something

*138. Flown first class

*139. Spent the night in a 5-star luxury suite

*140. Flown in a helicopter

*141. Visited Africa

142. Sang a solo

143. Gone spelunking (do the ' Nutty Putty' caves in Utah count?)

144. Learned how to take a compliment

145. Written a love-story

146. Seen Michelangelo’s David

147. Had your portrait painted (yeah, it's called 'Tuesday' and sold for $8,000. Boo-ya! He's an amazing painter. If you scroll through the slide show there's two more called 'Tim' and "Texaco', that are in fact, my Timm. )

148. Written a fan letter

149. Spent the night in something haunted (but I wouldn't have a problem with it)

150. Owned a St. Bernard or Great Dane

151. Ran away (although I tried to when I was about 14.)

152. Learned to juggle

153. Been a boss

154. Sat on a jury

155. Lied about your weight

156. Gone on a diet

157. Found an arrowhead or a gold nugget

158. Written a poem

159. Carried your lunch in a lunchbox

160. Gotten food poisoning

161. Gone on a service, humanitarian or religious mission

*162. Hiked the Grand Canyon

163. Sat on a park bench and fed the ducks

164. Gone to the opera

165. Gotten a letter from someone famous

166. Worn knickers

167. Ridden in a limousine

168. Attended the Olympics

169. Can hula or waltz

170. Read a half dozen Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys books

171. Been stuck in an elevator

172. Had a revelatory dream

173. Thought you might crash in an airplane

174. Had a song dedicated to you on the radio or at a concert

175. Saved someone’s life

176. Eaten raw whale

177. Know how to tat, smock or do needlepoint

178. Laughed till your side hurt

179. Straddled the equator

180. Taken a photograph of something other than people that is worth framing

181. Gone to a Shakespeare Festival

*182. Sent a message in a bottle

183. Spent the night in a hostel

184. Been a cashier

*185. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

186. Joined a union

187. Donated blood or plasma

188. Built a campfire

189. Kept a blog

190. Had hives

191. Worn custom made shoes or boots (why would I?)

192. Made a PowerPoint presentation

193. Taken a Hunter’s Safety Course (um, again- why would I? That would imply that I ever planned on hunting-ever.)

194. Served at a soup kitchen

*195. Conquered the Rubik’s cube

196. Know CPR (need a refresher)

197. Ridden in or owned a convertible

198. Found a long lost friend

199. Helped solve a crime

200. Responded to a NJP newsletter

That's all folks. Well, I mean, that's not all I've done in my life- just all for now.

Bedhead Videos

I have no idea where this song came from- just from the inner workings of her imaginative mind.

We were at the doctor's office yesterday for about 2 hours and she was a trooper, though growing weary of watching the barrage of testing I endured when she started singing this song. Other verses include 'Dumpy Elephant don't be sad, just be happy' and a seemingly endless round of the other verse, imploring Dumpy Elephant not to go far, and just to stay close. Whatever.
The first video is my favorite, but I forgot about the orientation so I took the second one too.

Old School

last night Bella decided to take an impromptu old-school bath. She wanted to play on the deck last night, so I let her play with a bucket of water. It was about 88 degrees, so I guess it's not too surprising that she soon stripped down to nothing.Then she poured her bucket into the container we got for drinks at her birthday party. And of course, the next move was to climb in.


And lay down.
Good photo op though. I'm sure the neighbors were impressed.