Saturday, September 12, 2009

Verdict

The verdict is in: I am not doomed to an eternity of humiliation and blistered heels. Not today, anyway.
I was able to get in 2 runs this week before the race. Not great, but something. The first one was killer and the second was pretty good. I was still feeling nervous about it, but ready to face the music. The result? I beat my last time! By...
3 seconds. Seriously.
Awww yeah- Rockstar!
However, in my defense, this course was very hilly and harder than my previous two- Plus, i have been so lazy the last couple of months that I'm almost amazed I beat my time at all. However, I am still anxious to register for one next month and spend the next few weeks training to shave a couple/few minutes of my time. If I'm going to keep doing this, and I plan to, I need to find a sponsor! We just don't have it in the budget to pay race registration fees, let alone every month! The price of fitness.
I'm proud of myself for doing it even though I was afraid of the results this time. I'm proud that I ran the first mile without stopping to take a walk break. I'm proud that I completed a third race, that I have stuck with it and was ready to face the consequences of my laziness. I'm proud that it inspired me to keep working. However. It is hard not to diminish my efforts and achievements. I finished 95/100 in my division. I was in the 5th percentile. Awesome. Now, if there was a division for 28-year old women who have had three children by C-section in the last four years, one in the last year, who have only been running inconsistently for a few months, has lost 35 pounds and has Morton's neuroma, then maybe I could place. Anyone know of that race?
It kind of makes me feel like a loser that I am proud of my meager achievement, that my best is so far from anyone else's worst...I know I am generalizing- I wasn't the very last, after all, but still.
I imagine that everyone else there has always been running, that it has been easy for them, that they've always enjoyed it and been good at it. That none of them were ever in my shoes. Literally and figuratively.
I have plans and goals for the future but I get frustrated thinking that maybe I don't have the same athletic potential as others. That my goals may be unrealistic and laughable. Will I make the progress that I hope for? Do I just have to patient with my somewhat slow progression? I still feel like a fraud among other runners.
One more under my belt.

7 comments:

Marie said...

I'm proud of you! You make me want to run.

paws said...

I bet there's more than a few people in that race who have overcome significant challenges to get where they are. Soon you'll be one of them, too.

michelle said...

Cute pic of you and Dad! I love that you did it together. I think you should definitely focus on the fact that you did it, you have run 3 races, and you did improve on your time! No small accomplishments. Forget about your place among the others, running is for your personal improvement, not a competition with the other runners.

Jill said...

Congratulations Jessie!! Please put a stop to your negative self-talk this instant! Those stats don't mean anything, and you're not competing with anyone else you're working to improve yourself right? It doesn't matter what anyone else is doing. Your body, your experience, your situation, your training and everything else are unique. The important thing is that you set the goal and accomplished it! That's huge! Think of all the people in the world not registering for races...ahem, me!

Fred/Dad said...

I am very proud of your accomplishents in the exercize/running deparment!! It has been said that running (exercize) is hard...IT IS! That is why do few people do it. And you are doing very well. Amen to Michelle's and Jill's comments. What you are doing is for you...Keep up the good work!

Hannah said...

Give yourself a smack- seriously. It would have been SO easy to just not run it. To make excuses. But you didn't!

Don't run for anyone else but you. You ran the same distance as the person who finished first and last, the same accomplishment, the same race under your belt. It means something different to each person racing, find what it means to you and embrace that.

If it was easy, if you were coming in first at every race, it would get boring and it wouldn't feel like the accomplishment that it is. And it is. Congrats!

Anne said...

Congrats! You're awesome!

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