Monday, January 04, 2010
That's how long it's been since Lola died. Roughly 5 1/2 years. How did I get here? How did I get this far?
Why today? Why, tonight, of all nights, 5 1/2 years later, am I crying, missing my baby girl? Because of just that- she is my baby girl. She will always be my baby girl. And while it won't always hurt, it will always be there. The truth-the still truth- is that I lost my firstborn and that is irrevocable. For now anyway. For now I am left with my memories of her and the hope that I will see her again. That she is not lost to me forever.
I will always miss her, I will always be without her, I will always mourn her death.
But not always.