Monday, January 04, 2010

2018 Days


That's how long it's been since Lola died. Roughly 5 1/2 years. How did I get here? How did I get this far?
Why today? Why, tonight, of all nights, 5 1/2 years later, am I crying, missing my baby girl? Because of just that- she is my baby girl. She will always be my baby girl. And while it won't always hurt, it will always be there. The truth-the still truth- is that I lost my firstborn and that is irrevocable. For now anyway. For now I am left with my memories of her and the hope that I will see her again. That she is not lost to me forever.
I will always miss her, I will always be without her, I will always mourn her death.
But not always.

6 comments:

michelle said...

That is a lot of days, Jess. And a sadness that probably won't go away in this lifetime. I can't wait to see her again.

Jill said...

I'm sure there will always be a void in your life because of her, but how wonderful it is to know you will be with her again some day.

Hannah said...

This makes my heart ache. Love you.

Diana said...

love you Jess.

Amy said...

The beauty is that you will see her again, and you will raise her. I hope you're feeling better.

Fred/Dad said...

I morn your loss. What a blessing to know of the eternal plan and the hope for the future. She is aware of you and your loss.

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