I haven't run since approximately September 12th.
Sad, I know.
I did really well over the summer, for the most part. Sept 12th was the last 5k I ran and after that I don't think I ran more than twice. The summer was easier since Timm was home more, there was more daylight, I was in Utah where I had built-in childcare...Then Timm went back to school and it got colder. I don't mind the cold, in fact I'd rather run in the cold than most other weather. But it's so dark all the time! If I want to run alone, which I do, I have to go before 5 am or after 8 pm, both of which times are pitch black. That's not the end of the world, but it does significantly limit where I can run. (i.e. not my choice-) Also, I'm not keen on getting up in the predawn hours, and when Timm gets home, after the girls in bed I relish our time together. I don't want to just take off. The other problem is, I hate, I mean *HATE* running with the girls. It kind of defeats the purpose. Part of my motivation in running is to literally-run away. I can't do that if they are running with me. Then I'm just chasing them like I do all day. Bella tries to ask me questions when I can barely breathe, let alone carry a conversation. I also hate the jogging stroller. I need to move my arms! It's heavy and unwieldy! I could really go on and on. I know they are excuses, but they are valid ones.
I can't seem to figure out how to fit it all in. All the more difficult is the fact that I am not choosing between good and bad. That would be a bit easier. I am choosing between good and good. I want to get enough sleep. I want to make meals for my family. i want a clean house. I want to spend down time with my spouse. I want to enjoy my children. I want to create- to sew, to make art. I want to read. I want to be physically fit. How do I do it all? When do I do it all?
If I have to choose between creating and running, most of the time I'm going to choose creating. Creating and sleep- that could go either way.
Of course now that I haven't run in- gasp-4 months, it's going to be super hard to do it again. Like, super hard. Starting over hard. Which for me is basically a super human feat since as an adult-onset athlete I was born without an athleticism gene.
Waaa... I am whining. How does one do it? Do I have to be chubby for 4 more years until Fiona is in school and then I have my days to myself? Does Timm have to change careers so I can afford a gym membership with drop-in childcare? Leave my kids to fend for themselves at home, plopped in front of the tv while I jaunt around?
How do I do it all? And if I can't, what do I give up?