What Sisters Are For

A couple of days ago I was drying my hair while the girls occupied themselves, playing in the kitchen. Bella, trying to distract Fiona from something she didn't want her to have, offered her some peanut butter on a spoon (a favorite snack among them both). When I came in to check on them, I found this bizarre creation on the table:

On the table with it were the materials used: scissors, tape, and construction paper.

When I asked Bella what it was, she explained that Fiona wanted the pumpkin spoon (see below) but it had a crack in it. 

So Bella made her a new one.

Apparently it pleased Fiona because she was using the taped paper version, and I definitely would have heard from her if it did not pass muster.

So odd, so creative, and so cute.

I love sisters.

Dress Up

In a household with 2 girls of or under the age of 5, dress up is almost a daily occurance. I love the array of things they assemble, and certain things are always is hot demand. This was Fiona's choice before church on Sunday.

My favorite part was when Fiona marched up to Timm to show off her ensemble, paused, and then lifted up her eye patch to reveal, "I'm Fona!"

 

Because prior to that, we were so confused, wondering, 'Who is this little princess pirate fairy ballerina nymph with a lanyard bedecked in jewels?'

Oh, it's just 'Fona'.

Sunday Prayer

In general I think it may be considered irreverent or even sacrilegious to videotape and then publicly broadcast a prayer, but I think this is an exception based on above average cuteness.
This isn't her best one- not as clearly enunciated as some others- but it's the only one I have.

Grateful for Sisters

Not unlike Miranda's 'Makes Me Happy' series, I am going to chronicle some of my favorite things and things I am grateful for in the month of November, starting now.

I love it when I see tangible evidence of the bond of sisterhood. So glad I have these 2.

{Incidentally, at any given time, Fiona can be heard to mimic everything Bella says, in her best approximation on a couple second delay; Thus a running commentary in sweet Fiona-speak, we hear everything twice but it is endearing to hear evidence of her sister-worship.}

She Says

I was trying to get Bella to try a bite of clementine, and she exclaimed 'No! It's hideous and gross!' (After which she ate two clementines.)

I was looking at some photos of my grandma and I got a little teary, explaining to Bella that I missed her. She reminded me I would see her again and I complained that it wouldn't be for  long time. After some thought Bella said 'Well.... I think the best thing you can do is... Wait until you die.' Right then.

Ever since 'Bella' or 'Isabella' made it to the number one girl's name we've been trying to convince Bella to let us call her 'Izzy' instead, to no avail. One day Timm was calling her 'Izzy' and "Busy Izzy' and 'Belle.' She strode over and stated with authority: "Let's get one thing straight. When you call me 'Izzy', I am not listening to you. But if you call me 'Bella', I'll do whatever you ask.'

We were watching Finding Nemo in the car, and it was the part when all the baby sea turtles were jumping all over Marlin. Bella asked, 'Why aren't they giving him any personal space?' (She got that from me, insisting that she give me some personal space during a moment of extreme smotherhood.)

First Day of School- Ever.

Today was the day. Bella's first day of school that set her on an educational road to last for at least the next 13 years. Top on my list of concerns: her ensemble. I was up until 2 am getting everything set for her first day. I know.

(Shoes, t-shirt, skirt, brooch, and bobby pins.)

I made this rosette brooch from broadcloth, felt and vintage buttons. I put it all on a pin to wear as a brooch on her shirts, but it doubles as a hair ornament. I was so psyched that she liked it. I told her I was going to make her a bunch in different colors to wear with her different outfits and she asked if she could wear them on her shirts everyday. Sweet.

I freezer paper-stenciled her shirt with a 'b' in Cezanne font but I was disappointed with it. It wasn't dark enough on the navy shirt, so at 10:30 at night I decided to outline it with embroidery, thinking that if I wasn't happy I could fill it in with satin stitch another time. The cutest fabric for a first day of school skirt, and the most beautiful red leather shoes my mom got her in Paris. They are the softest, most supple calfskin- like shoes in the world. I am already mourning that she will outgrow them soon. They will go with so many of her skirts this year, until then.

(I snapped this right after I reminded Bella to look at the circle.)

Drop off time, today only. She'll be a bus rider from now on.

It went better than I anticipated. I was worried about Bella, who frequently throws a fit about going to Primary after Sacrament meeting. She will wail and cry and cling to me as I struggle to physically extricate her from me while she begs me to teach her class. So possibly you can see why I would be nervous about leaving her in a room full of strangers for an 8 hour day. She did so well. She looked a little bit nervous, but I stayed with her for about 15 or 20 minutes, casually gave her a kiss and a hug, and left her. I watched from the door, reluctant to leave. She seemed good. Engaged, curious.

Pick up time. We went to Baskin Robbins afterwards to celebrate and as we drove back home into the neighborhood we were behind her bus which would have been dropping her off at 3:45!!! Sheesh.

I have two trains of thought going about this whole process.

1. I know I am a mother crow, but I think you would be hard pressed to find a cuter Kindergartner ever. This outfit? Seriously? That little body with those long lean legs thanks to her daddy? Her dimples? A collection of materials including fabric, felt, ribbon and vintage buttons? How could you go wrong?

2. The emotional tumult involved. I was up until 1 am, completing the embroidery on her shirt and making her lunch. As I was saying my prayers I started worrying about her. Would she be lonely? Would she miss me? Would she be scared? What would she do when she felt so alone and lost and without a familiar face? I had to make her something to take with her. Something to remind her of home and love and safety and security. I finished my prayer and jumped up to go back out into the darkened house to begin a new and necessary project at 1 am. I knew just what it would be. I made her a small heart out of pink felt, about 1 1/2- 2" tall. I stitched her name on it, stitched it together and stuffed it. When I left her in her classroom this morning I showed it to her. I told her that it was the perfect size to hold in her hand, or keep in her shirt pocket. Anytime she felt lonely or scared or worried, she could hold it in her hand, give it a little squeeze and remember that mama loved her and missed her. When I picked her up from school she was holding it, looking a little worse for the wear, rubbed soft. I'd like to think that it comforted her to have it, but it comforted me to make it. It's as if by outfitting and adorning her with my creations I could send her armed and prepared to meet the world. Padded by the product of long hours spent in love and preparation and carefully chosen materials she would not be alone. I would go with her.

I think she had a great day. I think she loved it. I think this is going to work out...with a few more sleepless nights until I complete the rest of her wardrobe of skirts, shirts, brooches and hair clips.

I have many more pontifications on this new phase of life for us all, but I'm ready to put this day to rest and save pensive for tomorrow.

The Happy Grad

Last week Bella graduated from her preschool, and luckily Nana and Papa were here to help celebrate (and keep Fiona happy during the ceremony).

Fiona thoroughly enjoyed most of the production as it was a lot of singing, and Fiona has a penchant for music and dance. She clapped vigorously and laughed raucously after every number, sometimes to the distraction of the rest of the audience.

All of the songs were of the boisterous Protestant variety, and the kids all seemed to really enjoy themselves. For some reason my dashboard has changed (on Blogger) and I can no longer figure out how to load videos. I need to figure it out because there's some funny stuff there. Bella is sandwiched between all her favorite friends in her class: Mia, Sydney, Bella T. (mine), Madelaine, and Bella B.

I didn't even notice that she had taken her shoes off until I loaded the pictures for this post!

Here she is with her teachers, Mrs. Zeltner and Mrs. Meyers. This is Bella's latest 'smile face' for the camera. I don't know where she picked it up from, but it is seriously fake. This is a good one, actually.

Post-ceremony refreshments.

I have been so happy with Stonebridge Preschool this year. For anyone in the area, I highly recommend them. The preschool director, Ingrid Ward was wonderful- There were at least 100 kids in the entire preschool, and during the ceremony, she introduced every single child to go on stage and give their teacher a hug. She knew every child's name, first and last, from recognition. She didn't have to read a single thing from paper. She would choke up saying their names and lamented losing kids that had become a part of her daily life that year. When I would drop Bella off each day she would greet the children and their parents, by name. They put together photo books for each of the children, specific to them. They had photographed them all year long during all of their activities, and made sure to photograph her with me on several occasions as well. All in all, it was a very good experience. I have her on the waiting list for the T-K program next year. Unfortunately it was kind of an afterthought as an alternative to the full-day kindergarten, so she's far down on the list. I'll be happy if we get to spend another year there with a Christian influence.

We're funny like that.

Around here we have a wry sense of humor. Sometimes dry, sometimes sarcastic, often self-deprecating and usually a bit weird. Some recent examples:

Timm always asks Bella if she got her bum at the Cute Bum store. It's a running joke and it always elicits a laugh and protestations from her. Timm added that he got a great deal on an Iron Man model. (It's true, he has a great butt-) I responded that I got there late and they were all out of everything good so I had to get an Irregular.

I was combing Bella's hair and she kept squirming. At one time the dishwasher, which was running, made a loud groaning noise as she moved. She asked what it was and I replied "The dishwasher's mad at you for moving. It doesn't like that. You have to do things to make it happy." When she asked what she needed to do I said "First of all you need to stop moving. Then you could give it offerings, like unloading the clean dishes, loading all your dirty dishes. Just taking care of it." For a while after wards she kept asking if the dishwasher was done yet and could she unload it yet. I love that she just takes this stuff in passing and doesn't think I'm weird. Yet.

She was crying and I was trying to get her to stop so I could talk to her. I asked her if she was done yet and if she had stopped crying and with some hesitation she replied, " I paused..."

Today I overheard her counseling Smeagle.
"Smeagle, we have to talk about some things. Why did you growl like that at your sister Dobby? That probably really hurt her feelings. You have to be nicer to her."

Edited to add: This morning Bella told me that she didn't think she was going to like Kindergarten. When I asked her why she said "Oh, the involvement of listening."

the Picture of Health

But not yet...

Fiona started showing some signs of illness last Wednesday, including a 103.5 fever, vomiting and a runny nose. We took her into an urgent care facility where she was diagnosed with your average ear infection- a first for our family. He prescribed antibiotics and the next morning she was markedly better, almost her usual cheerful self. Then Saturday night comes and explosive watery diarrhea rears its ugly head. We were changing her clothes and bathing her almost every half hour for a while. Miraculously she slept through the night. Sunday morning I get up with her and she promptly guzzles a sippy cup of juice. (Did I mention she hadn't eaten since Wednesday?) Almost immediately she is violently vomiting copious, almost unbelieveable amounts of milk and water, all over. Mostly all over me. That day was spent on back and forth on the phone with Urgent Care trying to determins if she needed to go to the emregency room. She was so so thirsty from not eating in days, vomiting and diarrhea, and I was only allowed to give her a couple of tablespoons every 15 minutes provided she kept it down. Needless to say, Sunday was wretched for both of us. She was listless and barely had the energy to moan and whine a bit. Her eyes were dark and sunken, her spine was starting to be more pronounced and she couldn't even sit on her own. Finally she held down some water, and today we are vomit free and the diarrhea seems to be waning. She even ate 3 bites of applesauce and a half of a popsicle! That means that since Wednesday her total tally of food ingested is 1/2 of a banana, 3 bites of applesauce, and half of a popsicle. In 6 days. Miraculously the fluids alone seem to have her almost back to normal. Today she was chatty, playful,and more independent, though she did nap for a cumulative total of 6 hours and went to bed at 6:30 pm.

I am so glad to have her back. It was really only 24 hours where her personality was so drastically changed, where the sickness overtook her and became all she was, but it felt oh so much longer. Tonight I am so grateful for the health of my family,

that toothy grin,

and those great big blue eyes.

And Medicaid.

Bellaisms

*edited to add- We're planning on making Bella a robot costume for Halloween. When asked what she should say at the door she responded in a flat monotone robotic voice "trick-or-treat--mortal."

Among the approximately 500 squirrels that reside in or around our yard, she has named one. She is convinced that it is always the same one and says "There's my friend 'Q-Tip'!" Yep, 'Q-Tip'.

We were watching Beauty and the Beast for the first time and when the Beast was transformed back into a man Bella loudly exclaimed: "Resurrected!!"

We were taking a walk and saw a rather large ant pile. Bella talked about wanting to stomp on it and so we had a discussion about respecting ants and all life and leaving them alone to be happy with their ant families. She said "It's not like they'd be just dead, like dead forever." What do you mean Bella? "You know, resurrected!" I then tried to explain that concept a bit more and emphasize that mortal life was still important and fragile.

Today we had our primary program in church and Bella did perfectly. Her part was: "I can follow the gospel of Jesus Christ when I come to primary." Then she stepped down and to the side before returning to her seat and called out in a loud whisper : "Did you hear that Sophie?!" Sophie gave her 2 thumbs up and the congregation a low chuckle.

Tonight in her prayers she rattled off a long list of things she was grateful for, among them: "Thank you for all of the ice cream that they give out and the heavens above and the earth below."

She's a crack-up.

Best for Last

When I began running a couple of months ago I knew it would be a process. I knew it would be hard, that it would take resolution, and there would definitely be some embarrassment involved. I actually prefer running in the early morning or at night to secure as much solitude as possible and avoid said embarrassment while relishing the time alone. As I started thinking about races I wondered and worried about coming in last place but thankfully dismissed the notion since many people walk the entire course, giving me some room for accomplishment.
Well, it happened.
I was last.
Dead last.

And actually, it wasn't so bad. I crossed the finish line smiling while every other race participant looked on, cheering. It was however, my second race of the day. The kid's fun run I did with Bella after my own 5k on the morning of the 4th, of which while close, I did not come in last.
Bella has been vying to join me on a run and in a race since I started telling her about my first 5k. Since she can't make it down the block without lying prone on the sidewalk I seriously doubted her commitment or ability to either of these endeavors, but not wanting to quash a worthy ambition I indulged her and paid the $10 to register her for the 'Fun Run'.
From the onset there was an abundance of complaining to which I responded by informing her of my impromptu first rule of running: There is no whining in running. I told her that running is hard and everyone knows that running is hard but we can do hard things. Apparently my pep talk didn't have much of an impact on her because not more than a few yards in she lost the capacity to voluntarily propel herself. The rest of the race consisted of me holding her hand, more or less pulling her along, continually telling her she was doing a great job, asking if she was ready to try running again, reminding her that there was no stopping during a race all the while observing kids of every age running past us. At some point a bribe of chocolate milk was offered.
By this point we are secured in our hindmost position, nearing the finish line with everyone watching from the sidelines. I try to inspire her to finish strong and somehow, perhaps motivated by he crowds, the cheering, the promise of chocolate milk, she runs. Everyone who has participated in the event and the event planning is standing on the sidelines cheering, singularly for Bella. An older gentleman reaches his hand out to give her high-5. The announcer calls her number and congratulates her. Hundreds of people, from young children to seniors are all clapping, calling, and cheering for this one little 4-year old as she pushes herself and those little legs over the finish line. I lope along just behind her, a bit sheepishly but mostly blissful as she crosses and a medal is bestowed upon her neck, a prize awarded to all the kids in the fun run. As she receives this commendation she aptly responds by declaring 'I never dreamed of this!'
After this she doesn't seem to have any recollection of being last, only of finishing. Only the applause and the award. We stop at the grocery store on the way home for our hard-earned recovery chocolate milk and she wears her race bib and her medal through the store frequently telling me she 'can't believe she got the first medal!' Why would I correct her?
I doubt she'll remember this for very long, having the fickle memory of a 4-year old. I hope she will participate again so she can experience the thrill of victory, the triumph of effort and the sound of hundreds of voices raised in chorus of praise for her alone, if only for a moment.
How often do any of us get to appreciate that?

Always Good For a Laugh

Bella is always good for entertainment, as well as a heartwarming reassurance that vocabulary and an appreciation of words is not lost on the young. I'm pleased to reflect on my own conversations and see my daily influence on her impressions and expressions. Here are a few gems in no particular order, to each their own context, from my not-yet 4 year-old.

General words and expressions:

'This is trash, however.'
'As a matter of fact...'
'I'll take that as a yes.'
'I'd prefer to put it over here.'
'I'm just trying to be helpful.'
'It's going to be a puppet show, most likely.'
'I would be delighted to help you.'

A couple of nights ago we had tilapia and gave her some. Her response: 'I'd have this anytime! This is Delicious!'
She regularly tells people we meet on the street that they 'can come over anytime!'
Today in Joy School we were talking about belonging, and the most important group we belong to, our family. While trying to prompt the answer that family are the most important people Bella told me: 'Jill. I love her very, very much.' While I don't disagree, it was seemingly very random. Bella hasn't seen Jill since last July, so apparently she has left quite an impression.
'Won't it be sad when I get to be a grown up?' (No, it'll be fun- why, you don't want to grow up?) No, I want to stay to a kid.' very astute.
She was trying to cajole me into reading a book that I said was too long and we didn't have time for. 'Can you read half? (no.) A third? (no.) A fifth? (no!)

Recently she told me out of the blue that she misses her aunt, who she clarified as Michelle. Now often when she is sad she will also cry out that she misses Michelle. This has caused a great increase in one of her favorite role-playing games in which I play Michelle. Luckily for me I don't really have to affect any change or character, I just go about my business with the understanding that I am Shell. I only know that we're playing this game when Bella will ask me a question directed at Michelle. Yesterday was the most I have had to perform in a single day, about 50/50.

Today Fiona was stalking her as she often does since B is her favorite person. Bella was getting frustrated and cried out 'Fiona!! You are a very cute baby, but I LOVE YOU!' in a tone that did not match her words. Her tone was more suited for an insulting tirade.

That's all I can recall at the moment, but I jot these things down and least once or twice a day. Ah, she's a weirdo. A well-vocabulated weirdo. (That's for you Rin!)

Bella Lately

That crazy, crazy Bella. She continues to amuse me on a daily basis, whenever she's not driving me crazy that is. (She's a great kid, but she's still almost 4 and full of volatile emotions at times.) Let's see what she has been saying lately... This may be going back a bit.
A few months ago we were reading about the 10 Commandments in her illustrated Bible that we have been reading at night. As we were reading I tried to explain them in simpler terms for her. For some unknown reason she really latched onto the concept of stealing. I gave her some examples, some scenarios, and since then she was asking for them all day, every day. "Can you tell me a stealing story?" For a while I indulged her. Then he requests got more and more detailed. "Can I have a stealing story about two kids? With no mom or dad? And they're names aren't Dave or Billy? And no Bella?" Once I tried to involve her in the story, and even though she wasn't even a guilty party she freaked out. She wanted no association with stealing. In bored desperation I once tried to use two of her friends, Sebastian and Cai. Then that was all she wanted, but then I got worried about implicating them in imaginary scenarios so I stopped that. After trying every possible scenario, every moral angle, I was so freaking tired of stealing stories, so I put a stop to them. Then last week she was grocery shopping with me and she took one small raspberry gummy-like non-pareil covered thing from the bulk bin. I swooped in and asked her if she was eating one of those, and she stopped chewing and realized something was amiss. I explained that what she just did was stealing. She didn't react, so I explained it again. When it dawned on her, her eyes instantly filled with tears and she started crying, violently. Then I had to calm her down and reassure her that I was not mad, she was not in trouble, but that she cannot do that again. She was shaken for a while. I continue to say 'no' to more stealing stories.

A couple of days ago I heard her exclaiming "X X X- is hot!" several times. Umm....where did you hear that Bella? My mind reeled as I tried to imagine where she could have possibly come into contact with that phrase, or XXX alone... To my relief she said, on Sesame Street, remember? Then I remembered that X had in fact, been the letter of the day, but I still could not fathom how she got that phrase. To my knowledge there was not that type of vignette on Sesame Street. Fine by me until she said it in public, at my Weight Watchers meeting. Somehow I don't think they would buy the explanation, 'Oh that's just from Sesame Street. Letter of the day, you know. XXX.'

B: I always pick my nose.
J: Why?
B: Cause there's boogers in there.
J: That's why we blow our noses.
B: That doesn't get the boogers out.
J: Yes it does.
B: It doesn't. Trust me.

What else, what else?

Oh, Moose. Remember when we gave Moosey to Denise last June? Well before we did so I talked about it with Bella a lot. I explained what we were doing, where she was going, why, and that we wouldn't be getting her back. She assured me she was fine, didn't care, and wouldn't miss her at all. And all of that was true. For a few months. Then about 2 or 3 months ago, approximately 6 or 7 months after we sent her to Denver, she decided she wanted to Moosey back. Suddenly it was a constant. "When is Moosey coming back? Why can't she come back? We could send Denise another dog. I really want a dog. Why can't we have a dog? I miss Moosey." repeat as naseum. When something goes wrong and she has an inappropriate reaction so I ask her why she's crying she would exclaim "I just miss my dog Moosey!" I had to put a stop to that as it was obviously an excuse she thought would elicit sympathy and allow her to cry for ridiculous reasons. Sometimes it makes me sad that she will bemoan that she misses Moosey, and even sadder that she always calls her 'My dog Moosey', but what's done is done. However, Denise, if you were ever to move to the east coast it would surely send Bella into ecstasy.

Bella always goes to my Weight Watchers meetings with me and delights in clapping with everyone when we recognize successes. Last time I got a 5 pound star and Bella requested one too. Later at home it got crumpled on her shirt and she cried out 'Oh no! My five pound star!' Ha. Also last week the leader said that the average person eats out 5.8 times a week. "Isn't that amazing?" and Bella calls out "That's amazing!" to the delight of the room.

I think that's about it for now. I'll update if I think of more Bellaisms. I did video tape her 'exercising' and flexing her muscles, but it won't load. Mom and dad, I guess you'll just have to plan a visit stat.

I Can't Resist

Is it just the natural course of events that Fiona be doted on as the 'baby' of the family? Is that dependent on her being our probable last child? Is her future one of spoiling, leniency, dotage, and accommodation- Or is she simply a baby, beautiful and charming that holds my heart like each of my children?

Whatever the case, I love these giggles and growls and want to remember them.

Fiona at 6 Months

As usual I am a little behind in her monthly stats. She was 6 months on the 12th, but here we are. Let's move on. Fiona is still delightful as ever. I recall when Bella was this age I just loved every stage. I always felt like the age she was at the time was always my favorite so far. It continued for quite a while, but I can't quite remember when that tapered off. Luckily for Fi she just gets increasingly cute and enjoyable.
And here she is, sucking on Timm's toes. Surprisingly, Timm didn't orchestrate this maneuver at all- it was all Fi.
I finally started giving her solids about 2 weeks ago after it became obvious she was ready...following everything I put into my mouth and the like. She's a champ and enjoys every aspect of eating. Sounds familiar.
Right here it looks like she is missing her pinkie, but I promise she has all her digits. Just a funny finger-sucking angle. She has the same oral fixation that Bella did- everything goes in the mouth, and her three fingers seem to be her favorite.

On Sunday I uncovered this cutest headband for her. I am of the school of thought that I do not like what we refer to as 'brain tourniquets'- those heinous overwhelming bow headbands that look ample enough to staunch the bleeding of head trauma. However, I love this simple little flower. Why haven't I made these? It made her seem so big to me! Accessories already!
(If not a little cross-eyed...)

Love those big blue eyes...
She's just a joy to behold. I'm so glad that having a baby is more fun this time, that I can let go of so much of the anxiety, hangups, stress, and just enjoy this fleeting time of innocence. She is perennially happy, only fussing when she's hungry or tired. Although she does put up a fuss after I leave her to entertain herself on the floor for too long. Damn kids wanting attention and the like...Don't they know I have a house to keep clean?
I just enjoy her so much. She often communicates with growls and can carry an entire monologue is said fashion. No matter how many times she does this, it never fails to make me laugh.
She is really close to crawling. She can make it on all fours with ease now. She rocks back and forth and can even manage to shuffle a few 'steps', it's just the coordination of movement she doesn't have yet. Seriously it could be tomorrow. Crawling at 6 1/2 months. Lucky me. Super cute, but not a whole lot of time before I am baby-proofing everything and preparing for countless bonks, scrapes and other hurts. I should mention that although she will be crawling any day now, she cannot yet sit up. She seems to have a strong opposition to it, in fact. When I sit her up she arches her back, throwing herself to the floor so she can roll over and try to move. Interesting sequence of events she's chosen to follow. She's got priorities.
She still goes to bed at 7-Hallelujah! But everything else is completely erratic. She wakes up anywhere from 7-10 am, but usually closer to 8 or 9. She usually wakes up around 4 or 5 am and I feed her. I suspect this is more me being a sucker than an actual need for nourishment. Her naps are crazy. She used to nap for 45 minutes, to the minute every time. Now it is sporadic, but usually for the worse. They're usually around 1/2 hour now, with the occasional longer nap that I am never prepared for. I anxiously await some sort of order, longer naps, and a schedule of sorts to plan around...It's a good thing she's not my first because it would drive me crazy, trying to nap and constantly being awoken, living in terror, or at least anxiety of her next waking. Now it's just a matter of trying to madly scurry about the house completing housework. 'Tis but a season, right?
She's growing too fast, but I love this smiley, happy, chubby, rosy-cheeked cherub. Anyone who wants to get in on this precious stage of infancy better buy their tickets now! We're always accepting company!
I can't help myself. I have two more videos to post soon. One giggling, one growling.
So glad I'm enjoying this. Her. Life.

She says...

On a funny note, in her prayers the other night Bella said: 'Thank you for the monsters that don't live in our house.'
But a few Sundays ago I scribbled this conversation, while driving, that Bella and I had on our way to church. It started when she asked if we could go to McDonald's and I reminded her that we don't do things like that on Sunday, and briefly explained why.

B: Does Satan go shopping?
J: Er, maybe. Sure, he goes all the time on Sundays.
B: I really want to get baptized.
J: Really? Why?
B: I want to show Satan that you have to get baptized.
J: Well, you know you need to wait until you're eight.
B: Yeah, that's when I want to tell him. I want to tell him when I die. Why does Satan not want to get baptized?
J: Satan didn't want to follow God and His commandments.
B: Well I want to do what God asks me to do. That's why I want to get baptized.

[pause]

B: Does Satan always go to McDonald's?

Then she sung Fiona a lullaby to calm her her crying. What a girl, She surprises me every day.

This Time Around

Anyone who knew me pre-Fiona knows that I was essentially dreading having another baby. That sounds horrible, but it's just that I'm a little bit neurotic. Maybe more than a little. Having Bella was such an adjustment for me, motherhood was such an adjustment, and I don't typically deal well with stress, change, chaos...The thought of adding another child to the fray was overwhelming at best. However I felt so prompted to get pregnant with her I knew it was time, I knew it was right. I was just taking it on faith that it was the right thing to do, that it would work out, that i would be made equal to the task.
Flash forward- Fiona's nearing 6 months, and this time around is so different. If you can believe it I am much less stressed, anxiety-ridden, volatile, and neurotic than I used to be. Part of it is a solid, concerted effort, some of it is a blessing, and some of it is the consequence of learning from and adapting to motherhood. In the last 5 years, having children has taught me more than I expected and stretched me in ways I never would have otherwise. At times it is a challenge, in fact many times it is a challenge and I resent the necessity if the stretch. If I didn't have children I'm sure I wouldn't be the person I am now, and I would be worse for it.
One of the benefits of that stretch is that this time around with Fi is a lot more enjoyable than it was with Bella. Don't get me wrong- of course I loved Bella just as much as I love Fiona, of course it was as rewarding- it's just that it was tempered with more anxiety, stress, and questions. So why so relaxed this time? Partly it is experience. I know that things will be okay. I know that the difficult parts are just a stage. I know that they pass quickly and leave us no worse for the wear. I also know that these sweet baby months are fleeting and precious.It is also due to the belief that Fi is most likely my last child. I always hold in the back of my mind thoughts like, 'this is the last time I'll do...', or 'after this I'll never get to...'. I am savoring the time with her and because of this I am more able to enjoy Fiona's babyhood.
This time I can appreciate it as fun, endearing, cute and finite. I actually think having a baby is fun instead of love riddled with guilt, fear, inadequacy and stress. Of course those feelings still occupy a place in my mind, but they are largely over-ridden with enjoyment. I don't stress the small stuff like her naps, her schedule...I find myself 'spoiling' her already-the natural destiny for the 'baby' of the family? I often nurse her to sleep, rock her to sleep, comfort her at the breast, and hold her when she wants me to. For better or for worse I am not so concerned with things like 'teaching her to fall asleep on her own'. I figure she's a baby for such a short while and she can hone that skill later. Things are working for us, so I continue to cuddle her all I can.

Of course my babies make it easy for me. Fi follows in Bella's tiny footsteps by being a joy- a largely happy, steady, and charming girl. She gives me so many moments to enjoy her and relish the moment that will be only a memory all too soon. Too soon she will talk, whine, beg, throw tantrums, and inadvertently say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Bella's stage is wonderful in it's own way, but there's time for that later. For now Fi is my baby, probably my last baby and I'm going to hold her for all it's worth.

This Time Last Year

Last Valentine's Day I peed on a stick and got this result:
Now, one year later, we have this proof of that positive test result. Amazing. 12 short months to transform a zygote, a fertilized egg, to this bubbly happy girl. A girl who communicates through gurgles, yells, raspberries, shrieks, coos, coughs, and giggles. A delightful baby, a person I can't wait to get to know better. A lot can happen in one year.