Not Why I Blog

A little while ago at 11pm, I heard suspicious noises outside. I was just about to get up and turn on the porch light to scare away potential criminals when I heard a very soft knocking on the door. Reasoning that thieves and rapists rarely knock, I answered it to find my friend Amanda wielding a very heavy plastic tote I had previously given to her with clothes. She was returning it to me, filled with food.

In it was a gallon of milk, juice, a dozen eggs, chicken breasts, turkey dogs, Lunchables, a pound of cheese, Greek yogurt, Gogurt, and apples. All in ice, in case I was in bed.

As she gave it to me, she had tears in her eyes. Obviously, she had read my post which was not written to inspire pity or gifts of food or monetary donations. Nevertheless, being a poor young married college girl herself,  she was inspired to bring it to me. Immediately. Tonight. Oh, and she also has a baby who still wakes up several times a night to nurse, so nighttime hours are at a premium. 

Here's the thing: I hesitate to write anything of the nature of the original post because I do not want to illicit pity or charitable gestures. I write because it's what I do. It's how I cope, sort, and get on with things. I blog because I journal, and in so doing I get over things while recording them at the same time. I usually feel better by the time I hit 'publish' and I like to have a record of the good, the bad and the ugly. So I do not blog in order to gain favor or favors. However, I do blog to remember and record, and Amanda's charity is a perfect instance of this. I want to remember how it felt when someone was prompted and listened to do something on my behalf- when someone went out of their way and did something that was inconvenient and even costly in order to help me when I didn't (directly) ask for it. I want a record of my blessings, and examples of Christlike charity and plain old kindness and good friendship.

So to recap, this is not why I blog these things.

Also this is why I blog these things.

Thank you, Amanda.

*My monetary goal for this post has been met. No more donations are required at this time. If a future need presents itself, I will post another thinly veiled request for help. Also, that was sarcasm.*

Grateful for Linda

I have known Linda for about 20 years. Other than my family, there are very few people I have known for that long. When we moved to Charlotte almost 3 1/2 years ago, she and her family were instant friends, and sometimes surrogate family for us.

I am grateful for the entire Giler family, but today I am specifically thankful for Linda. One reason is because each week she picks Fiona and I up and takes us to Weight Watchers, then lets us tag along while she does errands, and then buys us lunch. I really look forward to these outings. For one thing, I don't have a car, so I only go out of my neighborhood a couple of times a week. For the most part if I can't bike there, I don't go there. I love having a 'pogner' to go to Weight Watchers with, as well as a ride there. I love that she takes us out to lunch every time. A real treat for me, and so unnecessary but equally appreciated. Mostly, above all these things, I am thankful that Linda takes me under her wing. I am thankful that her friendship feels like family, that my kids love her, that we have frank conversations, that we are honest, and that even though 21 years separate us, we are friends.

Thank you Linda.

My Neighborhood

At 7:26 this morning my phone rang as I was making sure the kids had their shoes on to leave for the bus. Wondering who would be calling so early, I answered to hear the voice of a woman I know and like from the bus stop. She said: 'I was wonderin' if you wanted me to pick up Bella since it's pourin' outside.' (She has a sweet Southern accent.) I had no idea it was raining, but I would have figured it out quickly when we had to walk to the bus stop in the rain and then stand there for 10 minutes until the bus came, Fiona in tow. Even with an umbrella we would have been soaked without a car to wait in. I leapt at her offer, thrilled. I was so touched that she would remember us, that I didn't have a car, and that we would be waiting in the rain. If the situation were reversed I don't think I would have been so considerate. A small gesture, but I was moved. 

Such are the people in the South, in my neighborhood.

A couple of weeks ago the people on her block organized a block party and Rick invited us, even though we are kitty-corner to their street and not technically on their block. They rented a bounce house for the kids and set up a little station for them with toys and chalk.

I was smitten by these weathered, love-worn old wooden toys. I adore and greatly value handmade toys, and these were obviously well-made and well-loved. It turns out that Rick made them, which didn't surprise me. Everyone in the neighborhood knows Rick. He has an old beat up red truck that is often found all over the neighborhood, parked outside the people's homes he is working on at the time. He is a general all-around handyman and good guy.

 

He's a sweet grandpa who loves my children. Of course Fiona loves him, and seeks comfort and solace in his arms. During the party, I would look over and find Fiona starting to fuss. Before I could even make a decision of what to do, Rick was there sweeping her up in his arms. He proceeded to hold her and dance with her for about a half an hour. When I decided it was time to go, he walked us back to our house, holding Fiona the whole way.

After admiring the handiwork of his toys he took me into his basement to show me his enviable shop and the toys he makes. He skillfully makes trucks, cars, trains, and pendulum cradles- all without nails and screws, beautifully constructed with dowels. He makes all of these toys and goes to the hospital a couple of times a year where he donates them to the pediatric cancer patients. Somehow I was not surprised.

 

{Fiona cramping Truman's style}

Last weekend was our neighborhood Fall Festival. There were organized crafts, games, lunch and snacks. It was held down by the pool and the playground. I love that I can let my kids play as I watch from a distance. Fiona was wanting to swing (as always) and again, before I could even approach, some neighborhhood girls had placed her in the swing and were dutifully pushing her. They even know her by name. The same happened at the block party, when another girl picked Fiona up in the bounce house, jumping with her to keep her safe.

 Teenage girls volunteered to man most of the stations at the festival, helping the children with whatever they needed.

I love my neighborhood. I love that it feels like a community. I love that for the most part, people look out for each other. Most people wave to one another. Last summer our next door neighbor Dan mowed our lawn when we were in Utah for 3 weeks. He frequently edges our lawn around our house and mailbox because we don't have an edger. All of these things are done unrequested, and often without recognition. People have parties, we stop and talk on the street, people patiently let my girls pet their dogs, they know their neighbors. Whether it's the South, or North Carolina, or Charlotte, or just my neighborhood, I love it.

I am really grateful for my neighbors.

Grateful for Sisters

Not unlike Miranda's 'Makes Me Happy' series, I am going to chronicle some of my favorite things and things I am grateful for in the month of November, starting now.

I love it when I see tangible evidence of the bond of sisterhood. So glad I have these 2.

{Incidentally, at any given time, Fiona can be heard to mimic everything Bella says, in her best approximation on a couple second delay; Thus a running commentary in sweet Fiona-speak, we hear everything twice but it is endearing to hear evidence of her sister-worship.}

Mother's Day Epistle

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings regarding Mother's Day this year- more than usual. My heart and mind have been heavy since the death of my grandmother last month. I have written some about it, but much more remains waiting to be unearthed, excavated and put to good use, aired out in this forum. Exposed so as to grow, flourish, and not forget. These moments, those of great importance-events like births and deaths- give us the rare opportunity to gain insight. A glimpse of the eternities so that we may gain a better perspective while on earth. These times can awaken in us a new commitment and a better understanding of ourselves and our purpose.

It was such a tender mercy that we were all able to assemble together, literally at her bedside as Grandma died. Many more gathered for the funeral and it was a fine group. As we all paid homage to this person, so influential and inspiring in our lives, it was wonderful to see her children share a devotion and love unmatched. All 5 of her children gathered around. There were no estrangements, no bitter words, grievances, resentments, or anger. Only love, compassion, and gratitude. Her children, 5 very different people, loved her.

{taken several hours after Grandma died.}

It struck me that it was not mere happenstance that this was the case. It was not coincidental or luck that she had wonderful relationships with all of her adult children-she made it so. She considered motherhood a divine station and her life and attitudes reflected that. She was a woman without formal education, training, certifications, or awards, yet her influence is far-reaching. She nurtured and taught her children, and did what needed to be done without the need to be petted or praised for her work. I was often the beneficiary of her love and kindness as one of her darlings, but I am especially thankful because she was a mother to my mother. She, the finest example in womanhood, taught and raised my mother to be an exemplary woman of Christlike attitudes, generosity, and love. Then it was my mother's turn, and she raised my sister, brother, and I. We cannot escape life without the influence of our mother in nearly every aspect, and if we are doing it right, we wouldn't want to. We owe ourselves, quite literally to our mothers, as they gave birth to us. However, we owe a part of ourselves to them as well. We are molded and shaped by their teachings. We learn how to love one another and serve- and eventually we learn what it means to be a mother ourselves.

 At her funeral, we all gathered in the Relief Society room greeting all who came to share condolences with the family. Then everyone left us alone, the family, to say a prayer together before the funeral. I had never attended a funeral before- we had only a graveside service for Lola- so everything was new to me. I was composed as we finished the prayer given by Milton, Grandpa's nephew. Then they wheeled the casket out of the room, down the hall to the chapel as we, her family and posterity, filed after her. I was aware of the significance as we followed behind her down the hall, as we did in all things. I felt blessed to be in her wake. Then I was surprised to see, as her casket entered the chapel, everyone in attendance stood, some 200+ people. I was completely undone. As the crowd stood to show respect as she passed by, I was so awed to be following in her presence. Honored to be counted among those filing through the chapel, those blessed to be born as her posterity. I felt nothing short of honor and the deepest gratitude to be her granddaughter at that moment. The tears flowed freely as I tried to compose myself, and came freely once more when the service was over and we followed her out, as again the crowd stood.

{Posterity. The evidence of one woman's life.}

I want to follow her in all things. I want to be able to feel the honor of association and follow her in the eternities. I do not have an earthly memory of Christ, or my direct and physical relationship with Him, but my grandma was the closest thing I know to it, so I will hold onto that memory. The yearning of wanting to be reunited with her, and follow in her ways. Her influence has stretched to my mother, who has stretched to me, and onto my daughters as well. This Mother's Day I am committing to mothering with intent. I am trying to keep the eternal perspective that I glimpsed that day as I was honored to be among my own mother. I want my girls to love me the way my mother loved hers, and I want them to know that all of the good things I am, I learned from my mother, who learned it from hers.

Happy Mother's Day Mom- I owe my life to you, to grandma, and countless other women who have shown me the beauty and divinity of motherhood.

My Day In Court

Today I had the privilege of attending my first court date. Nothing illustrious, just overdue registration on my van so I had to attend traffic court to waive the otherwise $150 ticket. I planned on bringing the girls, as I tend to bring them everywhere. I am loathe to ask for babysitting favors because I personally hate babysitting in most cases, thus I try to save others from a similar fate. Molly however insisted on watching them and I was very grateful. I took my book and looked forward to a few minutes of 'alone' time along with everyone else at the courthouse, but alas, the sheriff deputy promptly told me that reading was not allowed in the courtroom. Huh.
With my plans out the window I searched for other activities to keep me occupied. I compiled the following list based on my observations.

At 9:13 am in Courtroom 1130 of the Charlotte, NC Courthouse on March 5, 2010- I am Grateful That:
1. My name is not 'LaQuinta'.
2. I am not wearing a scrunchie.
3. I do not have a history of repeated failure to appear.
4. I have not frequented the courthouse often enough to be familiar with its layout.
5. I do not need a lawyer.
6. I am not appearing to answer to charges of assault.
7. I did not recognize any friends in the courtroom, giving a shout out.

And finally, on an unrelated note:
8. I am grateful that I do not have to list my relationship status on FaceBook as 'it's complicated.'

Small Things

This morning I left Timm a calm, but half-joking message at school that sounded something like this:

"I can't believe you took the last of the Coke Zero, and then, left the box in the fridge to trick me! And I'm stranded here at home all day, into the night without the van, when you'll be out and about and could have gotten your own. And oh man, if there were more than one, and you took them both, then our marriage might be in jeopardy."

By noon Sam was at my door, gift in hand. Timm called him and asked him to bring it by. I called Timm to thank him and he apologized, saying he felt really bad and didn't want our marriage to end.

                                                                                                                                                         

 It's love.

1. I am thankful for one of those gems of a creation that comes along once in a great while. (More often for some than others...) One of those projects that you finish and it has matched or exceeded your vision. You keep looking it over and over until you finally declare to the empty room around you, "I'm sorry, but that's just awesome."
2. Thankful for when I have every supply on hand to make said awesomeness. That I don't have to buy a thing. This is one time that I do not mind having a room full of clutter if it can offer up such goodness.
3. Thankful that we had coupons for free Rita's Water Ice and used the coupons today, their last day of operation for the next 2 winter months. Coincidence! Serendipity!

1. Thankful that Timm and I are really friends. Thankful that we have no secrets, that I would rather spend my time with him than anyone else. Thankful that I feel no judgement, criticism, or negativity from him. Like, ever.
2. Thankful that he forgives me for letting the house go to hell while I feverishly work to finish some early Christmas projects.
3. Thankful for sewmamasew.com and it's blog that offers many many ideas for inspiration.

1. Thankful that Timm watched the girls so Molly and I could go to Mary Jo's. Mary Jo's is a veritable wonderland of fabric and notions. It is like the Costco of fabric. Maybe a little bit WalMart too...It is aptly called a 'cloth store' and you can even purchase bags of grits and biscuit mix by the registers. It's only the second time I've been there due to financial roadblocks, but I dream of it often. I mean, they have a Betty Boop and a Civil War section.
2. Thankful for Hobby Lobby and their perpetual 30% off 'sale' on cotton fabrics so I can buy an already inexpensive cut of fabric for an additional 30% off.
3. Thankful for taking a huge load of stuff to Goodwill. The entire back of the van, including the back row of seats. So good.

1. Thankful that Ikea is just 2 exits away so I can take the girls for a fun activity for all. Bella loves their 'Smaland' play area and happily plays there for the hour that is allowed while I feed Fiona a constant stream of mini marshmallows, pushing her around the vast marketplace.
2. Thankful that Timm calls to see if we're ready to come home yet because he wants to hang out. We had originally left to give him some peace and quiet to work on an assignment but somewhere along the line he lost his motivation and just wanted his girls back.
3. Thankful that I didn't buy anything even though I wheeled around a few objects for an hour or so.

1. I am thankful for Alison Mathews (a friend in our ward and also our realtor) who invited us to have Thanksgiving dinner at her house with the other 25 guests present. It's a tradition of theirs and we have been invited in the past but this was our first opportunity to go. They wouldn't even let us bring anything! She does all the cooking herself. This year they had around 25 but he said sometimes it's more like 50. Crazy woman. Good thing she can cook :)
2. I am thankful that Bella caught an anole (a small lizard) on her own at their house. She wasn't afraid and she instinctively knew how to hold him, gently but firmly. So proud!
3. Thankful that we enjoyed the company of a new family in our ward, the Lees. Our kids are of similar age, cute, and Timm and I both enjoy each the couple- Promising!

More of a Thanksgiving update later. Come to think of it, Halloween too.

1. I am thankful for old family recipes like 'Great Aunt Millie's 12-Hour Rolls' and Pineapple Marshmallow salad.
2. I am thankful that I was raised in a family of cooks and bakers so I was exposed to wonderful things, taught essential techniques, and handed down the best of recipes.
3. I am thankful for $5 Hot-N-Ready slutty Little Caesar's pizza when I am busy with Thanksgiving cooking and preparation.

Making Up For Missed Lists

1. Thankful for the times when I fold my laundry load by load as it comes out of the dryer and immediately put it away, still warm. Like today.
2. Thankful for homemade pizza with pears, spinach, walnuts and Gorgonzola.
3. Thankful for Molly's pear crisp last night.
4. Thankful for late night bookclub where I share way too much information. Even for me.
5. Thankful that Timm has a few days off for the holiday!
6. Thankful that I've napped the last couple of days. We've got sick kids so it's enabled some laziness on all our parts.
7. Thankful for hilarious gales of laughter from Fiona when I sneeze, bless myself and then repeat ad naseum as long as I get the desired reaction from her.
8. Thankful to be dreaming of Christmas at my mom and dad's house!
9. Very thankful to feel at home, at ease, at peace with everything I have. Knowing I need for very little.
10. Thankful to have finished one book on Saturday, another on Monday, and onto a new one on Tuesday.
11. Thankful for freshly-bathed girls in their sweet-smelling splendor.
12. Thankful for a baby who still fits in footie pajamas.

1. I'm thankful for M&Ms and popcorn. Best snack ever, and I don't usually even care about the salty/sweet combo. Skip the salt and go straight for the sugar. But not this time.
2. I'm thankful that Fiona did not cry when I put her down for her nap and only cried for a minute at bedtime. This.is.HUGE. People. Not a first, but a first in many months. Fingers crossed.
3. I'm thankful for a fun day at Molly's house with the kids. We took a walk, perused the local pet store and Trader Joe's. The kids pined at The Ultimate Pet Mart and Molly and I pined at Trader Joe's. Then it was back to Molly's for play, good conversation, a few confessions, and a great lunch. A good, good day.

1.Thankful that I went to Bella's book fair at preschool today. I love those things! I lived for those in elementary school- I remember taking home the little newsletter/catalog of books they give you and poring over it, circling all the selections I wanted. LOVE it! I went in with the notion that I would buy one, maybe two of the reasonably priced paperbacks for Christmas. $41 later, including one for Fiona, 3 for Bella, and one from her teacher's wish list, I left. (Luckily Timm got paid last night.) Even though it was for Christmas I felt a little bit crazy spending that much on something that was not food, gas or utilities. Enter...
2. Thankful that when I got home from the book fair I got yesterday's mail and there was a $45 check in there from my dad with a note that read: 'hope this helps a little...'. It sure did, dad- thanks!
3. Thankful that today Fiona started saying 'uh-oh!'. We were shopping and were it not for her pointing and continual cries of 'Uh-Oh!' I would not have noticed that we had dropped our last remaining binkie. That would have been big trouble for me later. I went back an aisle or two and found it. Way to go Fi! Pure cute.

Edited to add: Also, thankful for Part 2 of the Project Runway finale on tonight! And sad too.

1. Thankful that it's 'cold' enough for me to wear socks today and close the windows.
2. Thankful for a 'Sugared Spruce' candle that helps to make for a merry and festive environment.
3. Thankful that Bella has swim lessons for the first time in many weeks due to my previous car-lessness.

1. Thankful that I got the girls and I home with enough gas. We only had about $10 in the bank until Timm got paid but I was pretty sure I was running on fumes. After praying to deliver me home safely and quickly I was prompted not to be an idiot and get a tiny bit of gas to ensure I got home instead of praying for a miracle of the gas that lasted for 8 days, er miles...I got a whopping $5 worth, and I when I started the car it was still on 'E', the gas light on, and it told me I had 0 miles left to go on the tank. So, I guess it was really empty. Also at the time, Fiona had been screaming in the car for 30 minutes and I was loathe to make any stops, prolonging the agony, but then I imagined what it would be like if we actually broke down with her. That scared me straight.
2.Thankful for a new pumpkin pasta sauce I made last night. Super fast and easy, pretty cheap, and Bella said it tasted amazing. Timm won't eat it (the pumpkin, you know...) but you can't please everyone.
3. Thankful for Fiona's emerging vocabulary, even when it's only 'mama'. Especially when it's 'mama'.

1. Thankful for the FHE materials that Nana has been sending us each week. We've been having consistent Family Home Evening for the first time...ever!
2. Thankful for books. I'm always reading at least one book with several in the wings. Right now I am reading one, have 2 waiting next to my bed, 4 requested from the library, and another 5 craft books from the library in my living room. I love, love, love reading. I daresay it is my favorite thing to do.
3. Thankful for Fiona's age and stage. At 14 months she is pretty much 100% cute. Anything not cute can be dismissed because of her age and innocence and thus, is still a little bit cute. Except the screaming/shrieking- that is never cute.

1. I am thankful for so very many people who love me when I do not feel worthy of their love. Thankful that they accept me as a person-in-training fumbling along through life, taking each day at a time.
2. Thankful for a high of 77 degrees.
3. Thankful for Christmas music, already, setting the scene.