Birthday Preparations

P.S. (PRE-script) Okay people, I know I went almost a week without posting, but I was on vacation. I'm back now! Give a girl a break! Either you're not commenting because you got out of the habit of checking my blog since you were dissapointed so many days in a row, OR you're making me do some sort of comment-pennance for not blogging more. Either way, I get it! I'm back in the groove! I will try not to dissapoint you (much) more in the future. Please comment again.
{That was my attempt to badger the blogging community into making me feel loved over the internet again.}
This is Bella during her dinner tonight. She's been really funny lately- We discovered last week that she suffers from allergies, so we've been giving her Zyrtec, which seems to help immensely. Then yesterday she had two inexplicable projectile vomiting incidents, over and over. She seemed fine despite that however, and still slept really well. Today she didn't wake up until 8am, then took a 5 hour nap in the middle of the day instead of her usual (2) 2 hour naps. Crazy. She hasn't had much of an appetite all day, which is very unusual for her, but no vomiting. Hopefully she is hungry for her birthday cupcake tomorrow!


I'm feeling a little stressed over the money I have spent on Bella's birthday. Despite the gifts my parents gave her and the money they generously donated, I still spent too much. I couldn't resist buying color-coordinated cute paper ware, wrapping paper, balloons, the works. It really is still a small birthday party, but I just wanted to make it special. I always have guilt and anxiety over spending money since we have none. So much for following Michelle's example of a $7 birthday! Tonight I am making the cupcakes, and I'm using a good yellow cake mix of my grandma's. (Every recipe of my grandma's is good. She's a domestic goddess, even though she is 'aged'.) I made the first batch, and over filled the cups grotesquely. I am going to pause and make a poster for Lola's Legacy and move on to round 2 of the cupcakes. The following is a journal entry I made for Bella about her birthday. It should help explain why I felt compelled to spend for her birthday! (Pictures to follow tomorrow.)
"There was a part of me that thought this day would never come. (at times many parts of me…) When your sister Lola died, you were only a hope, a dream, something to hold onto. When you were finally born it seemed I waited every day for something to happen to you, for you to stop breathing. My reality as a new mother was different than most. I planned what I would wear to your funeral, what I would dress you in, who I would invite, and the hymns we would sing. But that day never came, and I have come to believe that it will probably not come while I am living. I am still not terribly comfortable with life, in the sense that I know of its frailties. I know that nothing is assured and that Heavenly Father could take you at any time. But that is also why I do not fret about it. There is no point in fighting against the inevitable. Heavenly Father gives us what we are able to handle, and he gives us the strength to bear the burdens he gives us. (parable of the ticket from the Hiding Place.) I joy in each day that you are here with me- your perfect spirit, laughter, happiness, and love, a gift to my life each day. I have the best of both worlds- an angel in Heaven who inspires me to live my best life, and here on earth, my darling baby girl who reminds me why I am here- to care for you, to love you, to live my best life.
Happy Birthday, my darling little Bella. Thank you for saving me, and bringing so much joy back into our lives. You make us proud, and I’m sure your sister would agree."