Alone Again

{us, shortly before leaving for the airport this afternoon.}

Well not alone exactly- I still have Bella, but Timm left again today for another 2 weeks of training, this time in New Hampshire. Can I tell you I hate it when he leaves? I'm so glad that traveling is not a regular aspect of his job- this last time was by far the longest we've ever been apart. Between his 2 week training and my near-3 weeks in Utah, it was a full month apart. Luckily my time was largely filled with other company. After he was gone for about 5 days my parents came to stay for a couple of days and then I left for Utah. While I still missed him terribly the whole time, I had great companionship during our separation. Way more adult time and socialization than I ever see! This time however, it's just me and Bella, at home, anxiously awaiting his return. I suppose I may get used to being apart if it happened more regularly, but I don't want to get used to it. I'm glad that after 5 years of marriage I still cry when we part and miss him the whole time. Pregnancy hormones and stress don't hurt- they make me ache all the more for his companionship and my selfish reliance on his help. When we were apart for so long I realized that I rely on him for so much- mostly in a good way. Whether it's his manly help lifting, fixing, and figuring things out, or the emotional support and reassurance he constantly gives me, I really rely on him. I can't imagine my life without him. Which is of course what I start to do as soon as I start to miss him- wonder what on earth I would ever do if I lost him for any reason. For the last 3 weeks Timm has been home most of the time as he continued to look for another job and await this training. He still worked 2 or 3 nights a week and Saturdays, but besides that we just spent all of our time together. We've never had that much time together-ever. My only regret is that I was getting so increasingly stressed, and therefore anxious, and frankly- bitchy at times. (Not due to his company, but my hormonal/medication problems...) When he gets home it will be back to the grind- he starts back at school the day after he gets home, returns back to his swim lessons, and is starting a new job serving at Red Robin's. Ahh.. .the plight of a high-school teacher. 3 jobs to makes ends meet. That is not going to go over well when we have a new baby...

{Me, teary-eyed immediately following his drop-off.}

So the short of it is, I love this man, I don't feel deserving of this man, I would rather spend my time with him than anyone else, and I am without him for another 2 weeks. Without him at a time of increased stress and hormones, and a lack of patience and fortitude. The countdown begins...