Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I'm So Tired

It's hard for me to remember, was it always like this? Was I this tired all the time in my previous pregnancies? I'm pretty sure I was...I think with both my last pregnancies I was tired up until the very end, and then I was tired again. The only difference is that now I have a young, active child who doesn't understand my need to doze on the couch and let her mindlessly watch tv for as long as it takes. If I'm not sleepy-tired, falling asleep every time I remains till for a moment., I'm physically too tired and uncomfortable to do much of anything productive or fun. It's hard for me to see beyond being so tired since it only gets worse with a newborn. And again, I've never done this with another child at home before. With Bella I was tired and zombified, but I could also try and sleep in whatever spurts she did. How do you get by when you can't do that? When your child at home doesn't nap anymore and you only get your interrupted nights to sleep? How long will it be before I feel like a normal productive human being again? No matter what's going on around me, it's always really hard for me to see the way out. Whether it's a trying toddler stage (like now) or tired and fat and pregnant (again-) I can't imagine it changing, at least anytime soon. Then my mind stretches to when Fiona sleeps through the night and naps regularly and I can have a normal sleep pattern, only to wonder how I'll possibly have any energy chasing around after 2 young children. So when does it come back? How do normal people (everyone besides me) live fulfilling productive lives while they still have small children? I have many more parenting issues on my mind, but I'm too tired to sort them out. Until later then...

5 comments:

Hannah said...

I remember feeling that way! Wondering what I got myself into.

It does come back- feeling refreshed and ready to face the day. I think it is all a whirlwind the first while (6 months for me) though, so you just make it through the days/nights, stop counting the hours of lost sleep and do what you can. Mya still did quiet time so I could nod off then if I needed to. Knowing that I wasn't the only woman on the face of the earth to go through that phase helped as well- knowing that it was indeed just a phase and that sleep would come.

Now I find that it is hard to discipline myself to go to bed at a decent hour and break away from "me time".

michelle said...

Yep. I totally remember feeling that way. With every baby, I felt like I would never ever have a life again. It was always when they were about 6 months old that I felt like it was possible, I could be me again at some point. Probably not what you wanted to hear, though...

Melissa said...

Hi. I found your blog from a long line of other blogs--Jill's, Michelle's, Hannah's.... Anyway, I am much like you. Though I have two little boys instead of girls. Anyway, I understand your being so, so tired. That is my single reservation about having a third. I can still remember being so tired I would cry and that would be at 9:30 in the morning. But, as soon as my second was born, I felt so much better--like a new woman. Then, totally refreshed when I stopped nursing him at 15 months. Not too encouraging, I know. Hang in there. You can and will do it. It is just getting through to the end that stinks. You're right about knowing that there are others out there that understand. This mothering business is so hard. I always wonder if I am damaging my kids emotionally too and wondering if I am enjoying them more than not. Anyway, I've enjoyed your blog, these two days I've read it. See mine at www.hallidayfamily.com, though I fear mine is a little less personal; something I am working on as I get more into it.

Jenny S said...

This is but a small moment. Don't fret, these moments will be cherished mmemories when you see them getting ready to leave home. I know it seems impossible right now, to know how to handle it all. As a mother of 5 and my last 3 are close in age. So I had one I was potty training, one in diapers and pregant. I understand where your at. Best advice ever given to me by my grandmother who had 7 children. Is "Be Kind To Your Self" Don't bet your self up. It is OK to let Bella watch TV while you rest on the couch. Reward her for letting you rest. By playing a game with her or reading an extra book, letting her help do somehting in the kitchen. My heart goes out to you.

found you from fellow bloggers Jill, your sister Michelle.

charlotte said...

I'm rooting for you, Jess :)

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