Wednesday, September 03, 2008

3 Weeks

{I'm really much bigger than this, unfortunately. This was taken over a month and a half ago. Close to two.}

What? Where did the last week go? I have no accounting for it. It's just gone.
I preface my statements by saying that I do not underestimate nor take for granted the miracle that is pregnancy. I know I am very blessed in that I get pregnant very quickly and easily, my pregnancies are only difficult in the myriad normal ways that pregnancy tends towards, I am healthy, yada yada yada. I know only too well what an absolute miracle it is to bring a healthy baby into this world. But.
I am so tired of it.
Seriously, how do women have so many kids? This is my third, and possibly my last pregnancy. My first pregnancy was probably the best- I was blissfully ignorant and mostly enjoyed each new baffling phase and symptom of pregnancy. All of these seemingly unrelated parts of the body and mind that were all simultaneously and dramatically affected by this force growing inside of me. It was exciting, new, and I felt like I was joining an inclusive and well-publicized club. Bella's pregnancy was obviously harder. I don't think I was anything less than psychotic for the duration of that pregnancy, and the physical part was difficult too, since they were back-to-back pregnancies. This time I started out heavier even than my delivery weight with the first two. Luckily I lost about 18 pounds in the beginning, due to dieting before I knew I was pregnant, so I've only net gained about 13 pounds, 15 total being my goal. Being heavier I think, has only exacerbated typical pregnancy complaints, and it is definitely harder now that I have a toddler to parent while I am pregnant. How do women go all the way to 40 weeks, or even beyond that? I am 33 right now and feel physically ready any time.
The mental/psychotic aspect this time around is nearly moot. I have produced a healthy child, so at least this time I know I am capable of it. I also know that there is nothing I can do to change the already-known outcome of this pregnancy, so I don't bother worrying about it. That has helped immensely. I had one dream at the beginning, but that was it. I'm just trying to enjoy it more than I did last time, knowing it's possibly my last pregnancy.
But. Can't a woman catch a break for sleeping at night? Seriously. There are a myriad of complaints that keep me from sleeping like I wish I could. First of all, there is the obvious bathroom breaks, about every 2 hours. Every time I wake up feeling bulging and with a rock-hard protuberance to navigate around. It takes about a 6-point turn to heave myself out of the bed to stumble to the bathroom. Once I return to bed, I often receive a volley of cramps (or 'contractions'- potato, potato...) due to my sudden movement. I try to ignore those for a few minutes until I fall back asleep. Then there are the sleeping positions: No back or stomach sleeping. Left-side is best, so I alternate between left and right sides all night, occasionally waking up on my back. It feels like I shift positions every hour. Who knows. Then there's the snoring. Yikes. It's really worsened (according to Timm) in the last couple of months, but apparently I keep him awake and he nudges me awake a couple time a night. Timm is indulgent and lets me keep the ceiling fan on all night because it is the only chance of me even falling asleep. I might use a sheet if I want to feel cozy, but I need all the cold air I can get. Our two stupid cats usually share the bed with us, and because they know I am ridiculously more indulgent, they sleep on my side. We only have a full bed as it is, and I am twice as big as I would like to be. Then we have these two hot sweaty cats sleeping side-by side between Timm and I and I rarely notice because they sneak in while I'm already asleep. And the worst- the acid reflux. What the hell? I don't remember having this problem at all with my first two, but I simply cannot comfortably lay down without feeling like my stomach contents are creeping their way up my throat, constantly threatening to spill over. I feel like my stomach resides somewhere in my chest cavity, and the horizontal position puts me in a precarious position to losing it entirely, making it's escape through my throat. No matter how uncomfortable this is, I can't seem to remember to simply stop eating or drinking for a couple hours before bed to give myself the best benefit.
During the day I shuffle around, kicking things around from room to room in an attempt to tidy up without trying to maneuver around my daily-expanding girth. When I muster the strength to bend down I look around for other things to pick up while I'm down there. I feel grotesque about 99% of the time and am still surprised when I daily discard clothes that seemed to have fit yesterday. I'm trying to do the minimum to keep my home looking presentable and not stress about all that is going undone.
So, try to remember after that rant that I do appreciate being pregnant. Really, I do. It's just that enough is enough already. But don't mistake that to mean that I am actually ready to have a baby. Just to have it outside of my body. 3 weeks from now, I'm not so sure...


Hannah said...

I remember the final stretch oh so well. It is grim with a toddler and I too remember wondering how some women seem to have 4 kids right after each other! Do they never sleep? Hang in there though...that's all you can do!

I don't remember what my doctor prescribed for the acid but it helped immensely- ask them! Every little thing helps!

michelle said...

This brings back painful memories for me as well! When I was overdue with Lucas, I would just cry because it was so hard to go on. I'll never forget how I went on a very, very long walk one evening to try to bring on labor (even though all I could do was waddle). It worked! And with Eva, oh man. I woke up at 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning every. single. day. and could not go back to sleep. I too wonder how women ever have many children! It is just so hard.

Remember this: at least when Fiona comes, you won't be pregnant anymore! Yes, you will be up with a newborn and making the adjustment to two, but at least you won't have to shuffle around and bending over won't be something you have to really consider before doing it.

You can do this!

Melissa said...

You sleep on a full bed???!!! It's a wonder you can sleep when you are NOT pregnant much less very pregnant. And with cats?? Now that takes some doing. Maybe you can add a queen or king sized bed to your Christmas wish list! ;)The end is always the worst. You can do it though. You're so close!

Diana said...

good luck. i never went 40 weeks thank goodness. My sleep wasn't affected too badly I'm kind of lucky that way :)
Take an updated picture please :)

Jill said...

This is amusing and so great for you to have recorded. Pregnancy is a miracle, a blessing, and all of that, but it can be incredibly uncomfortable and really do a number on your psyche so it's refreshing to read your real thoughts about it.

The heartburn sucks so bad. I still have it a lot so I buy the Target Brand Assorted Berry flavor antacids and they do the trick. I used to eat ice cream before bed as a heartburn stopper when I was pregnant oh so many years ago.

Jill said...

P.S. Didn't you once say your cats smell like scrambled eggs when they sweat? That would drive me to sleep on the couch or to give them the boot for sure!

paws said...

Drinking a small amount of apple cider vinegar (has to be that kind) may also help with the acid. It makes me feel better, anyway.

Tasha said...

I took prilosec every day and still carried around a big jug of tums everywhere. I would wake up all night, chew a couple tums and try to go back to sleep. The reflux was awful. And the constipation. I never felt like I could complain, I had tried so hard to get pregnant, but really, it is not easy or fun to grow a person inside of your person. Its a parasite. I also had my babies a month early and I cannot fathom 40 weeks.

Hang in there, rant away. You are in good company (right?)

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