I don't know why my weight loss success is not fluid. At my last meeting, nearly a week ago I lost an amazing 3.8 pounds and achieved 2 great goals- a cumulative 19.8 pounds which I neatly rounded up to 20, as well as my 10% weight loss goal. I was riding high, proud of these significant achievements and like I was really gelling. The longer I kept at it (9 weeks at the time-) the easier it got. I felt like I was hitting my stride, had overcome the hardest part which was just beginning, and was even starting to recieve compliments on my weight loss.
Then what happened? A few things...I was really excited about my progress, but then I allowed those familiar doubts to creep back in, such as 'Well I suppose I look marginally better, but I'm still so f**.' (bad 3-letter world-) 'I lost 20, but I still have 50 to go. No one can even tell. I'm still wearing the same clothes.' Which is so dumb, because even if I'm not at my goal already, in such a brief period of time, I'm a lot better off than I was, a lot further along in the journey, so why give up, give in? It makes no sense! It's so much easier if I continue to exercise self-restraint, making each subsequent choice more automatic. Conversely, every time I indulge or give it makes it easier to do the next time, harder to resist. With every choice I am strengthening either my ability to resist, or the temptation to give in. Every decision moves me closer to or farther from my goal. Well, the past few days I've taken a hit, moved farther from my goal. That doesn't mean I can't rectify it or resume my stride, but it's harder. Definitely would have been easier if I stayed the course.
Another downer was Easter. A small, trifling thing, but I got dressed feeling pretty cute and curvy and clearly thinner than I was before. As Wynnona Judd says on Alli commercial, 'I may not be where I want to be, but I'm sure as heck not where I was.' True dat. However, keeping court with 100-pound girls and the detrimental effect of instant-digital-figure-feedback left me feeling bruised and bereft. Suddenly I felt foolish for traipsing around with the ridiculous notion that I looked good, even thin(ner). I ate very sensibly, but after I got home that degenerated for a few days. It's like once I taste sugar it drives me in a constant craving for more. Like I said, one bad choice led to another, to another et cetera.
So now I need to resume progress, effort, and face the challenge of beginning again. Better late than...later. Or never, even.
Why is sustainable change so hard to...sustain?