Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Self-Indulgent Rant, or 'Creative Frustration'

I tend to be very passionate about whatever it is that I am interested in at the time. Sometimes these things are more fleeting than others, but I approach everything head-on with an all-consuming devotion. Even if it turns out that I lost interest quickly or change my mind, at the time I really was genuinely passionate about it. One cannot tell from the outset whether the notion will be transient or lasting because I always have this genuine interest.
Usually I research the ins and outs of the subject before deciding whether or not to pursue it. Such was the case with keeping chickens. I was really interested in it, but approached it with the caution it deserved, not wanting to ultimately be stuck with a flock of chickens and their adjoining waste if later the idea lost some of it luster. I read 2 or 3 books, talked to a couple of experienced chicken keepers and mulled it over for a while. Fortunately I decided that at least for the time being, chicken-keeping was more than I wanted to handle. Whew- we dodged that one. Luckily for everyone, my sometimes-fleeting interests do not always carry the threat of avian bird flu, mounds of feces or accompanying flies. My current love does not come with any real threats to my safety or the happiness of others around me.
I've been into sewing for a long time. I started my first quilt 12 years ago, and it is still unfinished, not for lack of interest but perhaps because of the magnitude of the project. That's another problem. After reading and researching, sketching and brainstorming I attack it with a zeal that would indicate that I actually know what I'm doing or have experience in the field. I figure, 'I can figure it out. I can do that.' Oftentimes I cannot. Then frustration and cursing ensues.
Now that Fiona is officially one year old (!!) I feel like I have the freedom and presence of mind to explore my passions. Finishing a lap quilt while at Michelle's house gave me the confidence to sew again, so I came home and started filling notebook with designs and ideas. I have visions of grandeur of filling my etsy shop again, updating daily, hand-made gifts for everyone, shunning the opulence and emptiness of consumer-driven store bought gifts. I start collecting materials everywhere I can- Goodwill has been a great place for vintage sheets and fabric. I start drawing patterns and get to work creating, trying to translate my ideas to tangible items. This is where the frustration comes in. I don't actually know what I'm doing. My talents and abilities do not match my visions! It is SO frustrating to have this break in communication. It makes me feel demoralized and like I have no business doing this and why do I even try?! So I curse and pout and put it down. The next day I wake up, look at it and tackle it again.
I need help.
Maybe more ways than one.


michelle said...

When Mim was getting her M.A. in gifted education, she told me that gifted people often experience a great deal of frustration because what they do with their hands (draw, write, create) does not match up with their vision of what they want to have happen. So at least you know you're gifted!

Seriously, I would be happy just to be able to fill a notebook with ideas...

lelly said...

i was about to write this post! i still might... maybe the "rant" part will help me feel better :)

Jill said...

I think your enthusiasm is contagious and enviable! I feel like my vision and skill set rarely jive, so when it comes to things like sewing I don't even try.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...