Self-Indulgent Rant, or 'Creative Frustration'

I tend to be very passionate about whatever it is that I am interested in at the time. Sometimes these things are more fleeting than others, but I approach everything head-on with an all-consuming devotion. Even if it turns out that I lost interest quickly or change my mind, at the time I really was genuinely passionate about it. One cannot tell from the outset whether the notion will be transient or lasting because I always have this genuine interest.
Usually I research the ins and outs of the subject before deciding whether or not to pursue it. Such was the case with keeping chickens. I was really interested in it, but approached it with the caution it deserved, not wanting to ultimately be stuck with a flock of chickens and their adjoining waste if later the idea lost some of it luster. I read 2 or 3 books, talked to a couple of experienced chicken keepers and mulled it over for a while. Fortunately I decided that at least for the time being, chicken-keeping was more than I wanted to handle. Whew- we dodged that one. Luckily for everyone, my sometimes-fleeting interests do not always carry the threat of avian bird flu, mounds of feces or accompanying flies. My current love does not come with any real threats to my safety or the happiness of others around me.
Sewing.
I've been into sewing for a long time. I started my first quilt 12 years ago, and it is still unfinished, not for lack of interest but perhaps because of the magnitude of the project. That's another problem. After reading and researching, sketching and brainstorming I attack it with a zeal that would indicate that I actually know what I'm doing or have experience in the field. I figure, 'I can figure it out. I can do that.' Oftentimes I cannot. Then frustration and cursing ensues.
Now that Fiona is officially one year old (!!) I feel like I have the freedom and presence of mind to explore my passions. Finishing a lap quilt while at Michelle's house gave me the confidence to sew again, so I came home and started filling notebook with designs and ideas. I have visions of grandeur of filling my etsy shop again, updating daily, hand-made gifts for everyone, shunning the opulence and emptiness of consumer-driven store bought gifts. I start collecting materials everywhere I can- Goodwill has been a great place for vintage sheets and fabric. I start drawing patterns and get to work creating, trying to translate my ideas to tangible items. This is where the frustration comes in. I don't actually know what I'm doing. My talents and abilities do not match my visions! It is SO frustrating to have this break in communication. It makes me feel demoralized and like I have no business doing this and why do I even try?! So I curse and pout and put it down. The next day I wake up, look at it and tackle it again.
I need help.
Maybe more ways than one.

New Items

Hey-
Quick update on my Etsy shop! It was a great opening thanks to the generosity of all who supported me. I just listed a few more things, so check it out!
Further Pregnancy Updates to follow...

Another Catch-All

It's been a while, even for me, again. So I will try to summarize the recent non-events of my life in as few words as possible while still retaining a degree of interest.
* Tomorrow will mark 1 month, or 4 weeks since I started Weight Watchers. As of my last weigh-in a week ago, I have lost 10 pounds and as of today I have lost 5 3/4". It is much easier now as my appetite has adjusted to eating less and I am not ravenous any longer. Now I need to work of making better choices and not just eat less. Eat less but more good foods.
* I started 'training' for a 5k that I have yet to register for. This involves me going on a walk/jog routine for 30 minutes 3 times a week right now. This last week I only walked twice because my knees were hurting, but prior to that I was doing very well and very proud of myself. My best jogs were when I ran for 1/2 the total time, a 5 minutes stretch being my longest period of continuous running. It is hard, but doable. It is infinitely easier when I go with just the dog (a great running companion) and an iPod and I can just zone out to the music. These times are hard to come by since that means timm has to be home to stay with bella, and I find myself balking at going with the jogging stroller. It is harder, and not as much- dare I say- fun.
* Timm has an allergic reaction to 'Leopard Wood' and looks a bit silly. He was turning something with it last night and apparently the oils have affected him thus. I don't know why, but I find it amusing that that the woodworker is allergic to some wood. That reaction combined with his cold and Bella's cold symptoms mean that we are home from church today. My excuse? Laziness and an aversion to going alone. You know, socializing and all that agony.


* I opened my Etsy shop a week ago today and had a lot better success than I imagined. Thanks to generous support from Kristi, Jill, Linda, and my mother-n-law, I made $136 in my opening week! That does not account for materials and shipping and the like, but it is still very exciting. True to my nature, I have been singularly focused on my shop this week to the detriment and neglect of my household. I am trying to balance it better this weeks. I have about 20 ideas that I already have sketched out to make, but am going to concentrate on making them the next 2 weeks, rather than posting them one at a time. I emailed everyone whose email address I had, but if I missed you, I'm sorry! Please check it out and spread the word!! Feel free to mark me as a favorite seller, order items, or request custom designs. I really want it to take off :)

*Lastly, I still don't know if I am pregnant. I may be, I may not be. I am really tired lately but it's hard to determine if that is related to pregnancy or an ever-lloming threat of depression. I haven't taken a test b/c we still haven't figured out how to pay for the Maternity Advocacy Program. Time will tell...
*That's about all for now. Hopefully I will soon be setting up an additional blog to feature my shop, so I will keep you apprised.

Thanks for all your generous support, financially, emotionally, and all the like.