Friday, August 22, 2008

Ramblings on Laziness

I'm afraid this might be the only real fun Bella's had all week. On Tuesday we had our friends Molly, Sebastian and Mia over to accompany me and Bella, respectively, in her little pool. It's so simple- you'd think I'd take advantage of this every day! She is thrilled to play in her plastic pool with little or no interaction with me. Add the hose for a while, multiple objects for to fill, dump, and refill, and it's sheer bliss.
It's under this little tent-like gazebo thing that is kind of an eyesore, but provides ample and necessary shade, so I don't even need to bother with sunscreen! (Okay, this is sounding better and better as I continue...)
Molly just laid Mia down on a towel on the deck and she remained asleep amid splashing and loud children! Bella never would have have done that as a baby- Maybe I will have such luck with Fiona!
Sebastian is a favorite of our friends. He's very cute, calm, funny, and not the spastic kind of boy that seems so common and made me fear having boys of my own! He's good propaganda for boys.
So I seem to have zero motivation or energy. I hope that I can blame it all on pregnancy or I'm in trouble. Usually that is the first sign of descending depression, but I've been pretty good in that arena lately. Of course the day goes better if I can just get myself going, then I at least have a little steam to carry me through until 'quiet time.' Then each and every day, we proceed with the quiet time routine, me growing ever more sleepy, then praying that 'if it be thy will, please bless her to go to sleep!' And then... nothin'. I mean, the last nap was last Friday, one week ago. That at least gives me hope that one might occur soon(ish.) So I read for a few minutes and fall asleep, only to be awakened moments later by my timer or her calls to see if quiet time is over. This inevitably leaves me cranky, as I feel like I barely fell asleep and I still have half the day to fill. The last few days there has been an over abundance of tv, and I am fighting feelings of guilt and neglect. It seems I am either sleepy tired and wishing for a chance to lie down, or lazy tired and uninspired to do anything that involves moving from the depression I fear that I've left on the couch. I try to think of productive tasks that can be done from the comfort of that cushy spot, but there seems to be little to none. I try and assuage my feelings of guilt and laziness by thinking, 'Oh, it's just the last few weeks of pregnancy. (less than 5 to go) Of course you're tired. Give yourself a break. An excess of tv won't hurt Bella for this short period of time, and besides- she's happy and doesn't seem bothered in the least. So just give yourself a break.' But then I think of every other woman in the world who has managed to have two children or more and am fairly convinced that most of them did not sit and lead an entirely sedentary life for weeks on end, unless they were placed on bedrest, against their will. I am always thinking of myself in direct opposition to who I term 'normal people' and that everything I think, do, or say is also in direct opposition to them. Also, I am going to be far more tired when I have a newborn, and that transition will last far longer than 5 weeks, so what am I going to do in that period? Rely on tv as a constant babysitter as well? At this rate, this could really continue for quite a while... So for today I am going to go get in the shower. (While Bella stays distracted with a show, of course-) A shower is always a good start to the day and usually precedes an actual getting ready routine, which is the only way possible that I might leave the house, or the couch for that matter. So off to the shower I go.

10 comments:

michelle said...

Yay! Another post! I'm loving this new rate of posting from you.

Hooray for Sebastian for being propaganda for boys!

Hooray for the pool setup under the shade keeping Bella independently happy! I'd do that every day for sure.

Do what you can Jess, and then give yourself a break. It's not easy being in the last stages of pregnancy.

Hannah said...

The pool set up sounds awesome. I'd do that everyday and read a book or call someone. I wonder if being outside and doing that kinda stuff would make her more tired too? Like how swimming and being in the sun wears them out.

The pregnancy stage you are in right now is hard. Don't compare you at this stage to others- we all know how different pregnancies are! You do what you have to do.

And for the record, it was kinda easier after the baby came because I could actually move better and do more than when I was big and baby encumbered! It was easier to sit on the floor and interact and all that.

Diana said...

The pool sounds wonderful. I'd do it as much as you can but don't feel pressured to always be busy.

charlotte said...

Ha, I'm glad you didn't have to deal with spastic boys. :)

Denise said...

I relate to your feelings of looking ahead and wondering how I'll (fill in the blank) get it all done, ever sleep again, get off the couch, etc. When I start spiraling I remind myself to just take things one day, or even one moment at a time. You don't have to face it all today!

Besides, it looks like you got a pretty early start on your day, based upon the time of this posting. Hooray for small victories!

Jill said...

That shady pool set-up sounds pretty posh. You just need a good chair/lounge situation so you can read or nap next to Bella while she plays like that.

Don't be hard on yourself about your feelings of laziness. Pretty much every pregnant woman feels like this at some point. I remember being pregnant with Whitney and having the same feelings about neglect with little Landon. He watched a lot of Bob the Builder, Wiggles and Dora back then and he's fine. Ha. I remember wondering how anyone ever has more than two kids because pregnancy seems so much harder when there are already kids to take care of, but it all works out.

Jill said...

P.S. I can't believe you're down to only 5 weeks!!

Claudissima said...

Oh Jessie...if you must feel some kind of wondering about tv...be at peace to know that TV today is far more educational than it was in my time. I mean, they actually learn good things now...and it is always involving colors numbers, music. etc., I don't know where I was, I think we were at a ritzy restaurant and they were playing the four seasons...and out of the blue...seriously Jorvik which is my 3 year old as of the 4th of august...said, 'LITTLE EINSTEINS' i heard that song there! So, wow this was a good moment for moi!

Jolta said...

Wow, my kiddos made your blog. I'm flattered. :-) Hang in there...only a few more weeks to go!

ashley said...

Okay, Jessie, you have GOT to release the guilt! Do you know how many kids sit endlessly in front of the t.v. and turn out to be very successful adults? I only say this because it is exactly what I have had to tell myself as I am in the exact same stage of pregnancy. I just don't have the energy to feel guilty about it. And you may have to use the t.v. in the future with the new baby, but it will be okay. You are a great mother...

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