Ode to a Bean.

On impulse, I brought my camera into Bella's room when I got her up this morning. I have been thinking about this post in my head for a while, and wanted to show Bella's demeanor when she gets up in the morning. This is always what I come in to find when she wakes up- that perennial smile and excitement to see me. In fact, Bella wears that smile almost all the time. When she does wake up, she never cries. She is happy to talk to herself, imagine, sing songs, or do whatever it takes to entertain herself until I come and get her. I mean for 2+ hours if necessary. (By necessary, I mean that I slept in and was never awoken because she didn't cry. That, or me just buying time to myself since she is happy in there.) Whenever I eventually get her up, she is beaming and just excited to see me and happy to be up. She doesn't cry when I put her down and rarely resists nap/bedtime. Usually the only thing I will hear her calling for me is an amicable: "Mooo-omy, where ar-rrre you?"
Today I was talking to Shell on the phone and tried to tell Bella is was time for her nap and she had a rare baby Bella breakdown that is sad more than frustrating. She has them so rarely that I find I am strangely compassionate, patient, and concerned with her very real heartbreak over turning off 'Diego.' (or whatever the case may be.) While she cried I tried to calm her down rocking in her chair, with the requisite 2 binkies, her special blanket, and 2 books ready to go. It was very sad when I whispered that it was time to read stories, she quietly said, amidst gasping sobs, 'Go-this-way?' (pointing into the living room vicinity) 'okay.' She frequently asks and answers her own requests in what seems to be an effort of persuasion. If I talk to you calmly I can usually quell these little heartbreaks pretty quickly. I'm always desirous to do so because I have my own little heartbreak. I'm pleased that since she is not a crier I do not become angry or frustrated, but rather concerned and sympathetic when she has her sad moments. I know watching 'Diego' isn't a big deal in the scheme of things, and I could just tell her to suck it up and go to bed- but- it is a very big deal to her. That is her world, (not tv in and of itself, an aspect-) and when that world is rocked, she is upset. Children want to feel like they have as much control over their lives as anybody else does. They're just little people, not simpletons. I always try to see her vision, and the very real trauma and heartache she is feeling at the moment. Besides- how many of our heartbreaks or irritations really matter in the scheme of things? I mean, in the eternal perspective my yen for a dog does not trump Bella's yen for another show. It's all silly, but very real to us now.
This took a different direction than I envisioned, but the basic point is that I am in love with this little girl. I feel it more so every day as she begins to express her feelings, preferences, and thoughts more and more articulately. Each day gives me new insight into her personality, her character, and I love to see it develop. I definitely feel that I was blessed with this very special girl because of my own faults and weaknesses. I really believe the Lord knew what I needed after the disappointment of losing Lola, and the competency I may or may not have as I struggle to live with my depression and make it part of a daily functional, and progressive lifestyle. She is just a happy, sweet girl. She is 2 1/2 so of course she has her moments (sharing is not a strong suit with other children...) but overall, her demeanor is cheerful and happy. I try to remember that when I show her the respect she deserves as her own person, she is compliant, affectionate, and sweet most of the time. She's my daily companion, and since being out here, my only companion most of the time. I just love her, and how her unflagging smile and demonstrative affection for me inspires me to do more, be better, and hope for tomorrow. Sweet Bella Bean.

TA- DA!!!!

I finally have video!!! I made sure to do something a lot smaller than what I tried to load last time. Except... It's sideways. I forgot that I had to hold the camera landscape-wise, and I don't know of any way to flip it now. But you get the idea!

This one's for you, Eva!!!

Now that I know how to do it, I'll make sure to orient the camera the right way next time.

Meandering

Sweat is not good for this rash. I am attempting to organize the studio, but once again am at a stand-still. It's hot, poorly ventilated, and the bare light bulbs hanging from the ceiling give off much too much heat. I am attempting to organize the books on our 2 newly-painted bookshelves, but it is not so easy as I have just reached Timm's Islam/Arabic/Middle East section. There are many boxes of just these topics. I'm not really sure why, he's just always been very interested in all that. Problem is, it's not nearly as much fun for me as organizing my fiction is. So many of these books have long been exiled to storage that I haven't seen them for years. It's fun to remember them all (ha.) and look forward to reading them again so I can actually remember them.
Following the lead, I decided to document our little outing today. It was very little, because I didn't actually need to go anywhere, we were just both getting stir-crazy. (Yes, it does happen, even to me.)
Ta-da!! Our van that my parents bought us. I can't believe I drive a mini-van. I never thought this day would come since I never planned on having enough kids that we would be forced out of a regular sedan. It fact, it was one of my compelling arguments against having any more than a couple more kids. But here it is- it's very nice with all kinds of cool features like automatic doors which, yes I do use. It has one ridiculous feature: heated seats. Blech. Now if they could create cooled seats... Ohhhh... I'd be wasting a lot of money on gas just to have the pleasure of sitting on those seats, creating an icy cold butt. You know, keep the extremities cool. My butt is large enough to qualify as an extremity.
This is one of the views from our front yard. (Saying things like 'front yard' still have a nice little ring to it.) All that tall brown grass in the background is not trashy like it looks. It's sea grass, or something like that. The heat wave/drought has scorched it some.
This is what most of the driving looks like around here- isn't it pleasing? This is what I so sorely missed when I moved to Utah. I came to appreciate and love Utah for it's own unique beauty, but nothing soothes me like this lush green land that looks like we just cut a road through it's path.
Of course, Charlotte is a big city, so the scenery can change quickly and dramatically.
Enter: The deserted and degenerative parking lot home to a strip of seedy odd shops.
Our drive today was an exploratory one. I was intrigued that any business at all survived this 'mall' so I pulled in to safely view it with the doors locked. It seemed so ramshackle and icky, and several shops had barred windows, and many had characters (as in letters) that I had never seen before. Yet there were several people milling about, as if transacting business or working.. What could this place be, and how has it survived the obvious demise it rests amidst?
Ah, but of course. It's the Asian Corner Mall! That my friends, is how they survived: They found a niche. It may be in a bad area of town, it may be frightening and nearly deserted, but where else in town are you going to find an 'Asian Corner Mall'? Hmm.
I couldn't decide if this sight across the street should reassure or worry me. What you can't see is that there are actually 6 police cars outside of a loan store. And I caused a near-calamity in the name of documentation when I stopped to take this picture while exiting the parking lot. I didn't realize I was in reverse, and that a car was waiting behind me to turn- All is well. I didn't hurt anyone.
One more environmental feature that I want to document is kudzu. This picture doesn't do it justice, and I will have to find a not-so-busy street where I can stop to take a decent picture. I'd read about it in books that taken place in the South, but it is truly a force of nature! It grows rampantly overtaking anything it encounters in its path, inanimate or alive. It grows so profusely to create this blanket affect draping thing to thing, all connected under its vast drape. It's simultaneously very cool and very creepy. I will take better documentation soon.
Really not a good picture, but I was driving and this was from the passenger side, so...
Finally, our only actual destination. This grocery store is right up the street in a very convenient and easy to reach locale. There are a couple close by, but I choose Food Lion for it's prices and locale. Plus it's not yucky. a bad picture, taken from the window, but nevertheless this is where I shop.
So that was my Charlotte today.

On tap today

A whole lotta... nothin'. Just the usual work around the house-projects and such. One one hand I can't wait to 'finish' all these projects so I can resume a normal routine- I thrive on routine. It's hard for me to instate sometimes, but once I do it makes a world of difference. I don't know how to focus my attention on more than one area of my life at a time, unfortunately. It is quite a detriment and a short-coming I neeed to work on. I'll get on that after I finish all these projects. So that was a big hand- on the other, little hand, I won't have much to do once I finish all of those. I mean, I'll have the regular routine of mother, wife, and housekeeper, and there's plenty there for to improve upon. I'm anxious to explore the whole city more and do fun things with Bella since she's being such a patient trooper. She just goes with it everyday- whatever I decide to do that day. That includes a lot of tv for her, and that's my fault.

But first:What the hell is this?

I mean, I know it's an annoying rash that stretches from collar to jaw line, but what is it caused by, and where did it come from? It's localized, and I can't think of any changes I've made, or products I've used... I feel gross. I probably should have worn my hair down today...

I was pining after Michelle and Hannah's recent SPs with their girls, so I tried to get a few of my own. Bella is incredibly hard to photograph! For one thing, she usually starts yelling at me if my picture-taking is going to interfere with whatever she is doing. That could be anything- If I stand in front of her, if I get too close to her, if I obscure her vision of the tv, and torture of all tortures- if I try to pose with her. Thus, I try and keep my camera handy for vouyeristic moments and hope for good light. Which isn't common inside.
But surprisingly, I got a few that are keepers! No frameable wall-hanging ones yet, but maybe someday...

And my own personal hell right now.

This is the state of my studio right now. My lofty goal is to have it all organized, unpacked and decorated by the end of the weekend. (ha.) The only painting left to do in there is my black d.i. dresser. I spent the last 4 days painting two 61/2 x 3 ft bookcases that I had planned to complete in one day. That's one coat of primer, and 2 coats of paint, complete with cutting in, drying time, etc. Apparently, after all the painting and projects I have completed I still have no concept of time.
Hoping to post before and afters on Monday.

Relief...of a sort.

Alrightie folks- since Hannah is such a dork and made a pleading comment to change my blog scenery-here goes.I can't promise anything since I hadn't planned on anything to post. ("I don't even know if anything is going to come out.")I have some things in the workings of my mind, but I have to take the necessary pictures. Alas, it is 6:45 and the sun is not up yet...
I am going to showcase more of my favorite photos from the journey out here! Bear with me-besides my house, new and frightening insect life, and how it all came to be is all I got! Without that, I got nothin'! I suppose I could endlessly pine away for friends and family left 'far, far away...' but who would that be good for? No one. Possibly you.
Proceed with the modern version of a slide show recounting the details of a trip only interesting to me and possibly Erin, since she was there and I haven't talked to her since! (The beauty of a 12 or 13 year friendship...)
First: a parting shot of Michelle's yard taken a couple days before leaving. (this is the part Jack hasn't ruined.) Michelle's house has become a kind of refuge akin to what Grandma's has always been for me. Totally safe, comfortable, welcome, at ease.
This was our truck, shortly before we were ready to go. Those guys utilized every possible inch of that truck. It was the biggest one they rent, and some thought it would be much too big, since we only live in a 1200 SQ townhouse- I knew better. We had to toss a few things, and we're lucky we fit what we did!
Our first day driving took us to Denver, an oft-visited refuge for me. It was a welcome sight, especially after leaving all my loved ones behind amidst tears on both sides. It was only one night, way too short, but it was 'donut night' so that makes up for quite a bit. Yeah, that's right. Homemade glazed donuts. Deep-fryer. MmmmmmMmMm.. And unfortunately for Erin, she was still sick if you recall.
Grandpa and Papa had a very lengthy discussion in earnest, I'm sure about something enlightened and lofty. Both of these men are very admirable indeed.
Leaving was bittersweet, as many aspects of this move prove to be. I was excited to move on, press forward-but I knew that I was leaving a part of the country that made a spontaneous trip to Denver an available option. I always knew that if things got to be too much or too dull, with one very full tank of gas, 8 hours, and minimal equipment, Denver (grandma's house) was close at hand. It was a comfort knowing that.
Bella, receiving love from an ever-receptive Denise. Bella really is easy to love, if I do say so myself. I have a post planned on the very subject. She is always welcomed by the Wood clan with many open arms and cousins waiting to admire her. It's good for the child and the mother both.
I love this picture-this sight. Unfortunately the settings on my camera got screwy and I didn't realize it. (Making several pictures WAY too dark.) I might have to deign to use PhotoShop. This is Denise rubbing grandma's feet because of her ulcers. I was just standing by when I was struck by the sight of it. I ran and got my camera, and shot away. It was a perfect example of charity, Christlike love, and service. It was very touching and had an impact on me that I am so pleased to have caught on film. Even if it is too dark. (for now.)
I love this photo-except it was also victim to screwy camera settings. My cute, cute grandparents (Grandpa without his glasses?!?) and...me. Unfortunately, upon reviewing the photos I had to accept a truth that has been taunting me for some time: My arms are as big as my head.
Again-too dark. But I had to include it. I had to harness the kitties after Dobby made a run for it out of fear. Papa offered to hold Dobby, and I loved the sight of it. Squint hard and maybe you can make it out.
Erin and Smeagle at the same location. (Note: cleavage enhancing harness featured previously.)
We were lucky enough to find a park each day to stop for lunch and let us all have some fresh air. (Incidentally I'm so lucky that Erin is an animal lover!
Dobby, doing her part to help out. The cats were SO peaceable the whole trip. For the first 2 or 3 days they solely slept on our laps for the entire trip. As you can see, they were always trying to scramble onto the driver's lap as well. Sometimes I permitted it. Then they found a comfy spot on the floor of the car and made that their spot with their fleece blanket.

The long road ahead. Picture taken in: Kansas. Correct.
Stupidly, I only took a couple of SPs on the drive.

Bella, happily playing with unrestricted Binkie access- an accommodation I made for the sake of all of our mental health. She couldn't have been any better than if she was unconscious. (Which I tried.)
This is the last day, when we were driving through western North Carolina. It should have only been a couple hours from our destination. Should have been. In our defense (Erin and I) it was the only time we got lost! Through some creative and risky routing we got there only a half an hour delayed.
It had the most beautiful fog that had descended like a giant cloud formation. It was saturated in both rich color and life, as well as rain. It was a very welcome sight to be officially introduced to my new state with such beauty.
There we have it. And I have more. But they are of closing on the house and I will spare you all until a later date. (Which may be today, the same date, but a later time.)

I hope you're happy Hannah. I've only been working on this for most of 3 hours.

This is just silly.

This is another little gem from the website Robin alerted me to (icanhascheezburger.com) for an internet field trip. It just made me laugh. It feels good.

Am I that predictable?

I just got this email from Hannah:
" You've fallen off the radar a bit- just want to see how things are."
Which led me to ask myself 2 things: 1-How does she always know? and 2- Am I that predictable? Answers: Probably the 'UN' at work, and Yes, I think so.
('UN': the Uterine Network-coined by my girl friends and I. -Diana, Hannah, Robin, and I, right?-It has proven to be very real and also very useful.)
This is a picture I took out of my windshield while Erin was driving on one of our final days of the road trip. ( I miss you, Erin...) I love the rain- I love the drops that stand still and clear while the rest of the world whirls by, blurred by our schedules and unnecessarily complicated lives still washed anew in rainfall. It seems I see much of my life this way, focused on the near-sighted vision of inadequacies, failures, inability and sadness-never looking beyond to what may be if I shift my focus. I seem unable to do so at times like this.
I am not 'depressed' per Se, or even sad at this moment. More like apathetic, and unmotivated. That's not really any better though, since it seems to inevitably turn sour and plunge me into a downward spiral that is oh so hard to climb up from. The catalyst to this turn? It could be the missing of pills for 2 days (that's all it takes unfortunately...) combined with the loneliness brought on by slowing down and realizing that the world goes on without me while I comfort myself with the companionship of my cats.
I don't understand how I am capable of seeing such beauty in small, everyday sights and occurrences, yet instead of being uplifted or inspired, I am so often wistful and hurt that I don't feel the optimism. I think it is some of that ultra-sensitivity I have too all things emotional, that I can recognize the peace but tend to feel the desperation much more strongly. Am I doomed to repeat these cycles, these ups and downs that tend to remain the latter for most of the time? I don't want to be a flaky, unreliable person, yet that's what I am even to myself. So far I lack the strength to moderate or even my mood from day to day, so I can hardly depend on myself, not knowing what will come next. Every time a goal is left unfulfilled, or even initiated I am that much more beaten down into the submission that I will never accomplish it, that I am nothing more than a burden for others to bear...
I promise I am not as disconsolate as this sounds. I'm just introspective on a not-so-great day. I'm not in the depths of despair. I could turn around tomorrow and make it a great day, heading for a momentum of a different kind- it's just that much harder each day that I put it off... It's so hard to muster the energy for positive living sometimes.

{f.y.i. this kind of post doesn't even warrant comments. Merely writing as a journal-therapy-self-talk kinda thing. that's all.}

Progress

In the field of home decor and design. Although there are still places with exposed wires and 2x4's, by and large it's coming together. Mostly everything is put together, but I still have projects to paint and create. The casual observer would not know it though...
This is my current pride and joy. This is the design element that made me pause and take a renewing breath and think, 'it is beautiful. It's coming together.' I think I felt like since things were on the walls, I was nearing completion.
I do love this. It is my frame wall above my couch. It is a work in progress. I don't intend on filling all of the frames, but I have a few items left in mind that I want to use. I have some old black and white photos of my grandparents that I want to tack in, maybe a card of old buttons, maybe more old sign letters. Whatever strikes my fancy. Incidentally, 10 of these are old frames that I got at Goodwill, D.I. and this little antique shop here. (He's the one that has a stack of them for $1 piece!) Only 5 of these are new. There are 3 painted ones that used to hold wedding photos in our old place. (Black then, now blue, green, and cream.)
Here's a cozy little nook. Now look at my couch- Who thinks it's ugly now? Huh, huh? Yeah that's what I thought. Check out the aqua lamp,the aqua bun feet on the couch, a couple pillows and a throw. Very cozy-love it.
This is at the end of our hallway between all the bedrooms. Eventually I will probably paint the secretary, definitely change out the hardware. There's a cute little candle holder that's like Ebenezer Scrooge style that I got at Goodwill for 2 bucks. Timm find reasons to light it and carry it around the house in the dark, so that he can see.

Here's a silly little 'art' project I did yesterday. I wanted an art piece in Bella's room-to-be, so I just did a sheet of paper in ribbon lines. Eh, it's okay.

Cute little shelf nook in her room-to-be.
Kitchen cabinets since finishing the painting! Notice only half of the hardware has made it on yet... Oh, how I hate being dependent. Cup pulls will really snaz it up.


A familiar sight- although it is a little different than it used to be. I still like it.
And this is where I am right now. This is our computer station right next to the couch, bridging the living room and the kitchen. (That lamp askew is waiting for a harp for the shade-) I have some bi-fold doors I got for free on Craig's List that I am going to paint green and use as a room divider to hide the computer from sight when you walk in the door.
I'll add more as I accomplish things. It's pretty cute and cozy as long as I keep up the daily maintenance.
(You can tell that I am lonely and have nothing I want to do besides blog. It works well for you, I suppose. I have plenty of house projects I could do, but would rather 'socialize', which unfortunately means 'typing'. Sad.)

Changes for my blog and myself.

That was then...

This is now.

For better or for worse-and I believe there's a little of both- here I am today.What difference has a year's time made?
Well, more than a few pounds heavier, several more inches of hair, and about 2,000 miles apart. My eyebrows are quite a bit lighter, but so are parts of my hair. My baby is now a toddler, and my husband a working professional.
It seems by and large that the goals I made last year still lay untouched or at best, dusty from infrequent use. I am not satisfied with every aspect of my life or my person, but I am happy. Using technology to have frequent contact wth my loved ones, in various times, is my life-line right now. All of my social contact takes place through the mail, email, phone, and blogs. But at least I have that, and the people it connects me to.

Only if you REALLY love Timm

Today is my husband Timm's 28th birthday!

Keeping with tradition, here are just 28 of the reasons I love him so much. I never actually disciplined myself to do one of these Hannah-inspired birthday lists. It's not that it's hard to come up with so many reasons to love someone- it's that it takes such real thought and examination to search out what we may never put into words. I know that I love many people, but I don't know that I regularly remind myself why that is-or actually tell them at all! So hopefully this will give way to the rest of the birthdays of loved ones that will fill my life. I can think of no one easier person to list...

1. He loves me.
This may sound too obvious to explain, but I will clarify it anyway. I don't think I'm very easy to love sometimes. I am so intense that my emotions are so-REAL. (To me at the time, but usually all of the time.) He weathers the storms and awaits until my sunnier self emerges.
2. He loves me unconditionally.
This is not the same as above. I have never felt such unchanging, unconditional love or devotion from somebody. I believe that's because while an ideal to strive for, it is so hard to put into practice sometimes! He is unswerving in his loyalty to me whether I fail or succeed, am nice or critical of him, whether I am grubby or glamorous, thin, or 30 pounds overweight with stretch marks. It's not even that he still loves me. It's that he loves me the same or more!
3. He has given me 2 beautiful daughters.
(i feel he deserves a lot of the credit with that whole genetics-father-sex of the baby-thing.)
4. He has been present for both of our children's births.
I have had 2 C-Sections and Timm has attended both of them to hold my hand, reassure me, comfort me. I have a hard time imagining quite the sacrifice this is to Timm, because he is a little squeamish about medial procedures. To witness their births is no sacrifice, but to watch impassively as they use what he later described as barbaric tools to open my body...he did that for me.
5.He held Lola.
It's more than that- he was one of only 2 people who were present when I found out that she had died. (The other being Shell) They are also the only 2 people in my family that got to hold Lola. He stayed with me night and day in the hospital. He let me cry all the time. He bought her casket. He and Shell picked out her burial clothes. He carried her casket. He comforted me and
patiently bore my near psychosis at times. He remembers her.


6. He is a great father.
He is so hands-on and affectionate with Bella. He doesn't lose his temper, or get annoyed with her. (or at least it doesn't show.) He participates in all of the child-care to the degree that he is capable. Bella definitely knows she is loved and that she can rely on daddy.
7. He is wonderful with children.
This was a main attraction for me when we were dating. He was so outgoing and friendly with his own nieces or nephews as well as Max and Lucas. (Lucas was eventually won over once he didn't get tickled so much!) I could see him holding our children, and that he genuinely liked, and was liked by children.
8. He is endlessly patient with me.
It takes a lot of patience to be married to me. Enough said.
9. He always supports me.
No matter how many times I have failed at something in the past, he gives me confidence that I can still do it. Whatever my desire, dream, or idea, he supports it fully. (If it is a sane or possible dream.)
10. He is a hard worker.
Among my dad, and grandpa, Timm is one of the hardest workers I have ever known. He is not one to shirk duty. He does whatever it takes to get a job done, and he is willing to do it. Until now, he has always worked 2-3 jobs while going to school full-time to support us. Even if I stress over finances, I know we will always be okay, because he is willing to work hard, I believe there is always adequate money for those willing to work for it.
11. He is a great provider.
Like I said, he does what it takes.
12. He can fix (almost) anything!
Now that I have seen Timm's handiwork and prowess for about 5 years, I am in complete disbelief if he ever says he can't do something. It isn't very often, but I usually badger him into admitting he can, or finding a way to fix it.
13. He does fix everything.
He freely offers his services to those he loves. He has twice given Michelle the gift of a 'handy man day' and has taken a few 'working vacations' to Denver to help with various household projects.
14. He never complains.
Timm will almost always do what I ask of him (so I am trying not to ask as much) and he does it happily. I don't know that he is always happy, but he doesn't complain about it! I never hear too much complaint from him on anything.
15. He accepts me.
This may sound similar to things I've already said, but it is distinctly different. He never tries to change me. I think that is difficult to practice in any marriage. Especially when there's a lot I could improve upon.
16. He is even.
He is one of several people that have blessed my life with their even temperament. These people are not boring, but a steady person that I know I can rely on. He is not flaky, moody, easily angered or ruffled. He's even.
17.He married me when he didn't want to.
That's only half-kidding. When we were dating, Timm said he was never getting married, period. After a time, I needed to know if that were true so I would know whether to continue our relationship. He said he would not marry me. As you can see, in the end he came to his senses with a little badgering help. July 25, 2003.
18.He married me for Eternity.
November 23, 2004.
19. He thinks I'm beautiful.
I was going to write that he says I'm beautiful, but as hard as it is to sometimes believe, I think he really means it! That's really something to me. Between my lowest weight and my highest with pregnancy, we're talking a 70 pound range! Yikes that sounds bad. Now I have the wonderful side effects of pregnancy and child birth: massive stretch marks, toneless tummy, C-Section scars and the general surrender my body has seemed to succumb to. He sees me in some nasty conditions, but hardly acts like its any different from my most beautified.
20. He loves my family.
I mean- he loves them. He took an immediate liking to them, in fact. He calls my grandma or Denise without my input and usually annoys me when I'm on the phone with anyone to tell them 'hi'. He seems to have a special love for Michelle and her family. He loves and accepts my parents even when my mom and I are overbearing.
21.He loves my kitties.
It seems I have been successful in convincing anyone I've lived with (parents, roommates, spouse) to indulge my love of animals. Since knowing Timm we have collectively owned: several rats, a large fish tank, a tarantula, too many cats to number right now, and 2 snakes. Not bad for 5 years. In general I think it is just an indulgence, but he does love our Smeagsy boy.
22. He moved to North Carolina!
When I got it in my head that it would be a good thing for our family to strike out on our own, he was totally on-board. In fact, I think he would have accepted just about anywhere I wanted to go, and all the better if it were near family. He let me takes the reins and direct our path.
23.He is forgiving.
There is much to forgive in a relationship with me. The mood swings, the extreme highs and lows, the housekeeping skills I lack, like cooking...Whether the house is a disaster or immaculate he praises me. If we argue, we always resolve it quickly. Neither one of us can hold a grudge.
24. He is affectionate.
Timm loves to show me he loves me by constant contact! He is always kissing me, hugging me, cuddling, holding... whatever is convenient. He expresses his love for me so freely this way there could never be any question. It's a good thing for our kids too.
25. He lets me design.
Even though our tastes often differ, he lets me decorate our home the way I want to. I consider it part of my 'job' so I selfishly want full reign- and he allows me to.
26.He is indulgent.
In general, Timm is quite indulgent in all of my whims, wants, idiosyncrasies, and ideas.
27.When it really counts, he listens.
I don't always hold his attention, but when I really need to talk he is there to listen and support me. (Who can blame him for how much I talk- he has to filter some of it out!)
28. He is reliable.
I can count on him, period. I trust him.

Well now, that was easy! Quite time-consuming, but easily thought of. I love you Timmy- you are the perfect man for me. I'll work on being the perfect girl for you.

Happy Birthday.

wow. that was long. and it only took me over 4 hours!