Single-Parenting Depair

This time away from Timm has been so hard. For several reasons, but mostly because Bella has chosen this time to be particularly difficult, presenting some brand-new challenges. There is a marked increase in tantrums, tears, and defiance, which I know comes with the territory of 3. (So far- I do NOT like 3.) But perhaps most challenging are the new sleep issues. Sleep issues are the worst because it occurs at the only time you can hope to count on for some peace and quiet and alone recuperation time. We've been pretty lucky with her as she's always been a fairly reliable sleeper. There was a time, just a few weeks ago, that every single night when I put her down, that was it. I never heard from her again. Just the way I like it. Now it's a total crap shoot every night. She's not napping anymore except maybe 1 or 2 times a week. I continue with our same nurturing and non-rushed bedtime routine, if just a little earlier since she's not napping. She's fine until the very end when she loses it over something ridiculous, I try to calm her down to no avail, and finally tell her I'm leaving. I'm trying to be more consistent because I always used to say 'I'm not coming back in here.' only to return some time later to see what she wanted or to calm her down. No more. I go in one time after I put her down, then when I say I'm not coming back, I mean it. Otherwise she would pander relentlessly for drinks, tickles, more stories, laying down with her, etc. Tonight she chose that moment to start bawling that she was hungry, even though she'd just finished her dinner less than 45 minutes before. I tried to explain that she already had dinner and she couldn't have anything else until morning. I tried to talk to her, it was fruitless, so I left for the last time. I heard her crying and screaming for about 10 minutes, during which time I called timm for support and distraction. Then quiet. I assumed she fell asleep. About 45 minutes later she's at it again. I listen at her door and she's pathetically whimpering 'please, please...'. So I am racked with guilt and a dilemma I don't know how to solve. Stick to my guns and let her learn to fall asleep on her own again? Go in there, risking starting it all over again when she begs me to stay and satisfy her demands and I leave again? So I chose to stick to my guns. The problem is, I'm not accustomed to these sleep issues and the question of whether to let her cry it out. I have no yet become immune to her crying and pathetic whimpers. Conversely, I internalize it so that I feel it too, so I am wracked with guilt and uncertainty. I don't even know if I'm doing the right thing. I just want to be consistent and do what is best for her in the long run. That would be much easier to do if I was assured that what I was doing was the right thing. So here I am alone, these 2 weeks trying to weather and understand these challenging new turns in her personality and habits. I hate it. Parenting is hard enough without having to try and figure it out yourself, or having no one to commiserate with and lean on. I call Timm with all my frustrations and ask for advice, but it's not like having someone here, on your side, to help you figure it out. Will motherhood always be this way? Guilt? Fear that I'm damaging her in some way? Uncertainty that I'm even doing right by her? Frustrated, irritated and challenged by her more often than I enjoy her? I'm tormented, and these last weeks with her have often left me in tears and desperation. I don't know what to do with this girl. I don't know what's going on with her, I don't know how to help her or to remain sane through it. I want to say it's just a stage, or a phase, but is it? Do I just ride it out, knowing it will pass in time and that it is perfectly normal? Or am I ignoring some need she has and until it is met this could continue interminably? Motherhood is fraught with questions and uncertainty. How am I going to do this again? How does anyone ever do it again?