Literature

It is midnight, and Timm has been asleep for nigh unto three hours, while I lie beside him, reading. Such is our pattern of late. Tonight when I finally forced myself to put the book down I was left with thoughts tumbling through my mind of literature and the love I feel for it. I have always met those who claim they do not like to read with a guarded skepticism and even some pity. It is a good thing that most of the treasured people in my life enjoy books.

Right now I am reading Michelle's copy of Wallace Stegner's Angle of Repose. It is one of Shell's favorites, and we have a nearly identical taste for books, as well as a matched need and reverence for them. I do not know why I have never read it until now, especially considering my affinity for contemporary American Literature.
This said, I could not stop pondering how I love to read...Everything. Some books are fun, a lighthearted distraction, a look into another's life, a different time and culture. Some are merely am acceptable form of escape, leaving me momentarily placated, but not necessarily changed. This is not one of those books.
This is one of those books that while reading I am so consumed by it, not only because of the thoroughly flushed out characters that you have a conflicted concern for- even somewhat of a mirrored representation, but also because the pure music of his prose leaves you wanting. After relinquishing the book, strings of words still flit through my mind, trying to piece together a semblance of that beauty to describe what I read, what I feel. It also leaves me wanting. But I enjoy the exercise. I do so love words.
What came to mind is this analogy... Reading Stegner, and more specifically, Angle of Repose, I feel a voracious need to consume the language. I wish I could be more poised like Jill and take a more conscious note of what I am reading, while I am reading it. I wish that I stopped to make notes, or at least underline, or scribble a page number, but I do not. I read, hurriedly along, devouring words and paragraphs and pages like succulent fruit, that I then read and reread again to catch the drops that have fallen on my lips in my haste.
Such is the delight and ease I find while reading tonight. It may not sound like ease, but even in that ravenousness, I am more at peace than any other activity could bless me with.
I hope to make a more thorough assessment of the novel later- indeed, Pulitzer Prize winning novel- but for now, I have one simple excerpt that made me smile. Keep in mind, this is a departure from the writing in most of the book. It is not a very good view of the writing or subject matter as a whole, nonetheless, I am smiling at the music of his prose.

"It happens that I despise that locution 'having sex', which describes something a good deal more mechanical than making love and a good deal less fun than f*cking."
hee.

Perhaps this gem is more representative of the general tone:

"What really interests me is how two such unlike particles clung together, and under what strains, rolling downhill into their future until they reached the angle of repose where I knew them."

Pick it up.

Colors

Alright, Cliffs Notes:
I can't upload photos of the color swatches from Sherwin Williams, so if you're really that interested, you can link to it here and search for these colors.

We painted the living room and kitchen (they are really like one large room) a beautiful color called Independent Gold. It looks kind of dull and brown on the swatch, but it reads really green- a very pleasing, livable limey green. I think I could actually live the next darker shade- Antiquity, as well. The color extends to the hallway as well. The color scheme for this room is aqua and green. Love it.

Our room is a rich yellow called Honey Mustard. Love the cheerful yellow and green scheme, again.
Our master bath is Latte, with green and chocolate tied in.

Our hall bath is a soothing, yet bright aqua called Watery. Very blue, very pretty, very well suited for small rooms due to its sometimes-intensity.

The 'nursery' is Tidewater. A shade lighter than Watery, it is very easy and sigh-inducing. Eventually the scheme will probably add orange and green to the mix. (Presuming that next theoretical baby is a boy like I believe him to be.)

Bella's room is once again, Sassy Green. I love it even more in this house with the lighting from her big window and great furnishings and accents. (Pink, of course.) I'm anxious to finish that one.

And finally, my studio is a great energetic orange: Bakelite.

Our kitchen cabinets are called French Sonnet, but I believe they may have been custom mixed. Our trim throughout the house is Honey White.

So there you have it. Look em up, tell me what you think.

you asked for it.

Okay, fine. I've got the capabilities to load photos now (Blogger willing) so I won't delay any longer. You want to see where we live? You want to see where I spend my time- where I sit when I'm on the phone with you? Where I blog (or try), where I sweat, and clean, and toil away on this house? Where I sleep, where Bella sleeps, the color schemes, the progress I'm making? You do? Fine.This is our disaster zone- our crime scene, our demolition site of a home. This is the state of squalor and chaos we are living in right now. As you can imagine, I am constantly on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Being so single-minded and obsessive, I can give no thought to anything that is not related to this project. Anything else- ANYTHING else is a distraction that threatens to push me over the edge. So I think of little else- I devote my time and attention almost solely to remedying: this. I have to remind myself of the obvious daily habits that must still continue despite the fact that my world has focused on these 1300 square feet that are practically under renovation.
Next on our tour is the lovely kitchen. Notice the complete lack of cabinetry and drawer fronts. Also you should observe the dangling wires and exposed studs and nails from the 'soffet-removal project' Timm began nearly 4 weeks ago. What you cannot see is that a not-so fine layer of sawdust lies on every surface in or near to the kitchen. Also not shown, are our lovely appliances, 2 of which I believe are original to the 20-year old house. The best part is that every appliance is a different color! White fridge, almond range, black dishwasher. It gives a great unexpected, eclectic, I'm-not-trying-too-hard look. (But they all work.)

These little gems have been the bain of my existence for going on 3 weeks. I had no idea what a project these would be. I can provide before and after pictures for 'oohs' and 'ahhs' once they are complete. Why have they taken so long, you ask? You have a very small kitchen you say, none too diplomatically. Well, I'll tell you. *(What I am about to describe is a very in-depth, boring description of how to paint your kitchen cabinets. Feel free to skip to the next picture. But remember- you asked for it, so I expect the courtesy of at least reading through the post. Geez!)* First, you obviously have to take off all of the cabinetry. (The one part I have received any help on, mind you.) Then you have to prep them, i.e. make sure they are free from dust and debris. Which they weren't. Then you have to tape off the cabinets left on the wall. Not fun. You have to apply 2 coats of this mega primer, which needs 24 hours between applications. Remember- with each coat, you still have to 'cut in' on each cabinet, and you have to paint front and back. I forgot about the back when I was calculating the effort involved in the project.The stuff is thick, and dries very quickly, leaving drips and marks within a minute or so. You need to really lay it on thick to cover the oak wood grain. Oh, and the fumes are very strong and can have a crazy-literally, effect on you if the ventilation isn't good enough. I don't think there was any noticeable effect on me, but then again, I was largely alone for 2 weeks. For all I know, I could be exhibiting the effects now, as I write this astonishingly long report. So-Then you have to cut in and largely hand-brush all the cabinets on the wall and the drawer fronts. (Oh, and this was during the record 100+ heat wave, when the ambient temperature in my air-conditioned, ceiling fan-powered house was at least 80 degrees. Even at 10 pm. Remember- two coats again!) Remember to move the appliances for adequate coverage! Then you can start painting. Wait- no, you have to sand the cabinets. They got marks all over them from drying on a tablecloth or a sheet, even though there was more than 24 hours between coats. After you've sanded, then you can start painting. The paint goes on a lot smoother and easier. Remember to cut in front and back, wall cabinetry and drawers for each 2 coats of paint. After they've dried for a day, you can begin to distress them lightly. Now they are ready for hanging- no, wait. They need a polyurethane sealant. At least 3 coats. To do this, you have to haul the cabinets outside into the aforementioned heat, and set up a painting station outside. Every half hour, apply a coat of spray primer. 4 coats total for front, 3 coats for the back. Inside: you need to brush -apply the sealant to the cabinetry, waiting 2 hours between your 4 coats. You are also supposed to sand between each coat of poly, but recognizing that as the final straw that might push me to the limit, I declined to do so. Then wait 24 hours, and you can hang them. If your husband's not too tired. After he installs all the hardware. If he's not too tired. And if he can see by the dim lighting because you are still short one spray-painted chandelier still lying on the floor. And that is how you paint a very small kitchen by yourself, in just under 3 weeks. Woo woo.

Studio- soon to be. It has a bare dangling light bulb until Timm can go up to the attic (gasping at the heat!!!) and rewire a ceiling fan and light. There is no room to walk in the studio. I hate it right now.

We still have many boxes of miscellany to unpack. (The irritating, questionable caboose of unpacking.)

We are still in the state of exposed light switches and outlets. I need to round up the remainder and just put them on!

Here's our bedroom... it's close to coming together!

Bella is still obligingly sleeping in the porta-crib. Good for her since Timm hasn't had time to put up her real crib. This is the 'nursery'. The room I intend on using in the future, an unknown distant time in the future, when we presumably have another baby. Bella's room is 'under construction' and it also close to being done. It rocks.

And here is my sitting station. I still love this ultimate D.I. find. It was the impetus for the design of the whole living area- we spun off of these colors. This couch has an amazing tendency to suck things into it, into the gullies of the cushions, like none I have known before.
So there- you asked for it, but I'm not sure how many of you actually had the constitution to read all the way through, especially without merely browsing over the dialog. I will post a cliffs-notes version shortly for the less-interested and those of lesser-constitution.
This is where we live. This is how we live- for now.

I found the media card reader!

This is Bella on our road trip out here...She entertained Erin and I (or at least me-I can't speak for Erin) by singing her version of 'Twinkle, Twinkle.' I'm pretty sure she picked it up from Eva in the final days when they spent the majority of each day together. Since then she's actually learned the entirety of the song, but unfortunately she's still mostly tone-deaf.
Still, that 'Tinkle, tinkle' warms my heart and brings a smile to my face.

more to come.


Okay, i started at 9:30 this morning trying to load the video. It is now 3:30. I have tried about 7 times, getting up to about 85% uploaded before it just- stops. I', still trying, and will post pics later. For now I have a scrap project I'm doing for church- yeah, they got me already.

Still Waiting...

Because i still can't upload new photos.. here is another gallery of ones past. i promise to hound timm to hook up our media card reader so i can take pictures of the progress. It seems like such slow progress, but i think i underestimated the amount of work involved in all this... and didn't take into account the fact that i wouldn't really have any help, and i still have a 2 year old, etc... Like i said- pictures to follow. {engage badgering timm}

i love this picture! So cute of Lucas being typically caring of Eva, and Eva's crazy hair. Both so cute.
This is from our going-away party at the playground. Eva is in the red tube slide. I love the effect of the color, but even more so, i love her expression. Just what do you think she is thinking of? I did a little page in my art journal with this picture while we were on the road. Little imp.
Bella, typically flushed from her adventures on the playground that same day. Note the (delicious) sugar cookie (ala Jill) in her hand. She was meticulously picking off the sprinkles and eating just those.

I love this picture of Timm holding Kaylee yet again, that same day. He looks so cute entertaining her, unposed, unknowing that I was capturing evidence to be used against him at a later time. Evidence to prove that he likes babies and will like to have another one whenever it is that i am ready for that step. Sometimes it seems it could be years before i undertake that adventure again...
Anyway, until i have new pictures i don't have much to report. i am trying to stay the course so i can get all this 'done' and just enjoy this new life, this new place, meanwhile remembering that i still have the daily tasks to keep out household running. I'm sure this comes as a surprise to all, but i get so focused on my 'projects' that i don't remember or don't want to do the dailies, so the household seems to be crumbling around me while i try in vain to progress the work in front of me. Seems to be a general theme in my life...
Until next time...

'Last Days' - in a non-Biblical sense.

I do not yet have the capabilities to upload any pictures I have taken since our departure. So until that is set up (with Timm's return) I will do a little review gallery of our last few days in Utah.Timm and I, hanging out at Shell's a couple days before we left. Photo, courtesy of Shell.

SUCH a cute picture of Timm and Shell! I love it. I love that Timm loves my family- Shell is a favorite of his.
Timm having Eva in a fit of tickle-induced giggling!
Me and Hannah at the surprise party she threw for us! (What's with the throbbing vein in my forehead? I have had it for as long as I know, and it is reminiscent of Julia Roberts, minus the charm.)

Diana and sweet, calm Josh at the same party. They pulled a late night for their kids so they could attend!

I *love* this picture of Hannah.

The guys + Diana enjoying a game of boccie ball while the rest of us girls eat and socialize. (of course.)

Another cute shot of Jill and Shell.

Final shot of my cute little Bookclub at Diana's house. Hannah took some embarrassing and incriminating photos that night (as usual!) that I am still waiting to surface. They were pretty funny.
And... Blogger's being a jerk and not letting me load any more, so until later... posse out.

State of Jessie report

So how am i?
Well, right now I have primer and paint adhered to nearly every surface of my body. It is in my hair, splattered all over my hands, cemented to my cuticles and fingers, the bottoms of my feet, soaked through my clothes to my skin, and occasionally streaked across my face from when I wiped sweat from my brow.
My face is more broken out than I remember in recent years. Real red angry ones. I attribute it to the constant profuse sweating. Apparently this is the hottest summer on record for about 100 years. Great timing. That combined with the near-constant manual labor I have performing equals an angry complexion.
I have yesterday's eye makeup smeared on my face still. I haven't gone to bed earlier than 1 am in as long as I can remember, and usually collapse in exhaustion, too tired to wash my face, and always regretting it the next day. The very act of putting makeup on yesterday was a feat in and of itself since it seems so pointless and steals time away from the aforementioned manual labor. I have not blow-dried my hair since we've been here. When I put on makeup it is smeared and dripping off of my face within the hour. I go from air-conditioned house to air-conditioned car to air-conditioned stores all the while cursing the heat that causes my clothes to stick so desperately to my skin.
I have been eating fast food for nearly every meal since we left town. It is expensive, it is not very good, and it is contributing to my ever-expanding body and ever-dwindling confidence. I have not yet gone grocery shopping for more than the very necessitates like milk for Bella.
Right now I am wearing my 8 year-old BYU t-shirt, stained in hair dye, sweat, paint, and Smegelization. It has been a uniform of sorts.
Timm has been out of town for 2 weeks. I had a 4-day visit from my parents when we painted the whole house (more on that later) and Timm came home for about a day and a half last weekend, but other than that, it has been Bella and I alone, exploring our new surroundings and restyling this house. I am tired of being a solo-parent. I am tired of heaving heavy furniture from room to room by myself as I try to determine the best placement. I am tired of painting-everyday, alone. I am tired of the slow progress that seems to be made while I try and complete all of these many projects alone. I am tired of Timm having my cell phone so I can't make free calls to Shell whenever I get the notion, and free nighttime minutes to call my not-in-the-least forgotten friends, no matter how slow my correspondence has been. I am tired of only talking to Timm for a few minutes each night as I rehash my complaints and fatigue.
I am tired of my house looking like we just moved in yesterday even though I have been conscientiously slaving away at it. I am tired of sweeping the mass of detritus off of the bed each night so I can fall into it, alone.
On a bad day I feel stranded and alone, missing the world that continues to revolve without me in Utah, all of my friends still communing, minus me. I feel desperately haggard and embarrassed at my state-both myself, my house, Bella, and my total lack of schedule and discipline. I am spending way too much money on gross food and home improvement items both necessary and completely frivolous.
On a good day I feel excited and exhilarated at the newness of this life- the opportunities for change, renewal, nurturing our little family, and the pride in home-ownership. I feel strong and loved by all those we left behind in our car, but not in our hearts. I love the creativity that comes along with the stress and financial burden of nesting our new little home. I feel a kinship with those I love that will not be hindered by miles or lack of time spent together. I dream of visits to Utah and visits from loved ones here, so I can share this new life with them.
But.
I am happy. I am just tired and lonely. Timm comes back tonight, relieving some loneliness and the impatience of parenting a very intense child alone. With him comes the cell phone-my life line to friends and family.With him also comes the help and support in acclimating to our new house and environment. With his return hopefully we can all resume a more normal routine, schedule, and family life. (Never having had much 'family time', I'm not even sure what that will hold.)
I am blogging for the first time since our arrival, and that's something. Yesterday I sent a big load of good mail to most of my loved ones. I am taking the much-needed time out to reconnect, even before things in my environment are 'perfect'.
I miss so many people, but I am excited for what lies before us. Even more excited if we have some visitors to share it with!
I think I am back.
That is how I am doing.
Pictures to follow.