What's Wrong With Me?

Rhetorical question- I don't have time to hear all of your answers.
On Sunday I was driving home from church, going through the light when Timm started yelling "You're lane! You're lane!!" I looked up, the light was green, there was nothing in front of me in my lane, I couldn't figure out what he was freaking out about. I switched lanes and a van passed me, honking. Apparently I drifted across the intersection into the other lane, cutting off the driver of the van. That's bad enough. The really bad part, was i could not understand it for the life of me. I was like, no- I was in the left lane. I saw it. I was here, and then there was a lane next to me, the right lane. Even though Timm corrected me, I could not for the life of me envision my mistake. I couldn't see what I did wrong. It disturbed me, like an indicator of dementia.
Then today I stopped by Molly's house. She selfishly left me to visit her family in Dallas for 3 weeks, leaving me with no friends. Friend. That combined with the rest of the women in my family convening in Denver without me left me as the Cheese, standing alone. Anyway, I went by her house to check on it. I pulled in the driveway, walked up to the porch. Hmm. Molly has a porch? There were 2 ceramic statues that had toppled over and had their heads knocked off. That doesn't seem like something Molly would have... I looked at her door. Hmm. That's kind of a tacky wreath. Not like Molly. At least it's springy. Oh look, a glass storm door. I didn't remember her having that. And red gravel instead of mulch or pine straw. Never noticed. I went to the side of her house where her trash can is kept and it wasn't there. My first thought was some hoodlum kids took off with their trash can! Why would they do that? Kids... Maybe a neighbor put it in her garage. Where'd their key pad go?? This is weird...Oh. Wait. Molly's house is next door. Okay, it wasn't until the 7th, the seventh difference that it occurred to me that it wasn't Molly's house. What the hell? And I go their house all the time-all the time.
The only thing that would top this is if I were to get Blue's Clues wrong again, for the third time in history. Good thing we're not watching that anymore.

My lungs are burning.

Whew.
I just got back from 'running'. I use the term very loosely.
Actually, I warmed up with a brisk walk for 5 minutes, then alternated jogging for 60 seconds and walking for 90 for a total of 20 minutes, then cooling down for 5. So, mostly walking. But it still kicked my butt. And my feet. And all the rest of me. (It's day one of the 'Couch to 5k' program.)
But I am proud of myself. I have lost a total of 16.8 pounds and its amazing how it affects every aspect of my life. The last 2 weeks I feel like I've been kicking butt. Super woman. (for me, that is...) Clean house, laundry done, ironing, nutritious meals for my family, errand-running galore. It makes me feel like I am surfacing. Coming back to myself. Shaving away the excess, revealing my true self that has been buried for far too long.
Remember this, when I wonder why I'm doing this. Because I've lost 16.8 pounds. Because I'm proving myself. Because it gives me the confidence to do other things. Because I have more energy. Because it makes me feel like I am working, like I am conscious, like I am actively making myself better. And smaller. Because people are starting to comment on my changing self. Because it is worth it.

Bella Lately

That crazy, crazy Bella. She continues to amuse me on a daily basis, whenever she's not driving me crazy that is. (She's a great kid, but she's still almost 4 and full of volatile emotions at times.) Let's see what she has been saying lately... This may be going back a bit.
A few months ago we were reading about the 10 Commandments in her illustrated Bible that we have been reading at night. As we were reading I tried to explain them in simpler terms for her. For some unknown reason she really latched onto the concept of stealing. I gave her some examples, some scenarios, and since then she was asking for them all day, every day. "Can you tell me a stealing story?" For a while I indulged her. Then he requests got more and more detailed. "Can I have a stealing story about two kids? With no mom or dad? And they're names aren't Dave or Billy? And no Bella?" Once I tried to involve her in the story, and even though she wasn't even a guilty party she freaked out. She wanted no association with stealing. In bored desperation I once tried to use two of her friends, Sebastian and Cai. Then that was all she wanted, but then I got worried about implicating them in imaginary scenarios so I stopped that. After trying every possible scenario, every moral angle, I was so freaking tired of stealing stories, so I put a stop to them. Then last week she was grocery shopping with me and she took one small raspberry gummy-like non-pareil covered thing from the bulk bin. I swooped in and asked her if she was eating one of those, and she stopped chewing and realized something was amiss. I explained that what she just did was stealing. She didn't react, so I explained it again. When it dawned on her, her eyes instantly filled with tears and she started crying, violently. Then I had to calm her down and reassure her that I was not mad, she was not in trouble, but that she cannot do that again. She was shaken for a while. I continue to say 'no' to more stealing stories.

A couple of days ago I heard her exclaiming "X X X- is hot!" several times. Umm....where did you hear that Bella? My mind reeled as I tried to imagine where she could have possibly come into contact with that phrase, or XXX alone... To my relief she said, on Sesame Street, remember? Then I remembered that X had in fact, been the letter of the day, but I still could not fathom how she got that phrase. To my knowledge there was not that type of vignette on Sesame Street. Fine by me until she said it in public, at my Weight Watchers meeting. Somehow I don't think they would buy the explanation, 'Oh that's just from Sesame Street. Letter of the day, you know. XXX.'

B: I always pick my nose.
J: Why?
B: Cause there's boogers in there.
J: That's why we blow our noses.
B: That doesn't get the boogers out.
J: Yes it does.
B: It doesn't. Trust me.

What else, what else?

Oh, Moose. Remember when we gave Moosey to Denise last June? Well before we did so I talked about it with Bella a lot. I explained what we were doing, where she was going, why, and that we wouldn't be getting her back. She assured me she was fine, didn't care, and wouldn't miss her at all. And all of that was true. For a few months. Then about 2 or 3 months ago, approximately 6 or 7 months after we sent her to Denver, she decided she wanted to Moosey back. Suddenly it was a constant. "When is Moosey coming back? Why can't she come back? We could send Denise another dog. I really want a dog. Why can't we have a dog? I miss Moosey." repeat as naseum. When something goes wrong and she has an inappropriate reaction so I ask her why she's crying she would exclaim "I just miss my dog Moosey!" I had to put a stop to that as it was obviously an excuse she thought would elicit sympathy and allow her to cry for ridiculous reasons. Sometimes it makes me sad that she will bemoan that she misses Moosey, and even sadder that she always calls her 'My dog Moosey', but what's done is done. However, Denise, if you were ever to move to the east coast it would surely send Bella into ecstasy.

Bella always goes to my Weight Watchers meetings with me and delights in clapping with everyone when we recognize successes. Last time I got a 5 pound star and Bella requested one too. Later at home it got crumpled on her shirt and she cried out 'Oh no! My five pound star!' Ha. Also last week the leader said that the average person eats out 5.8 times a week. "Isn't that amazing?" and Bella calls out "That's amazing!" to the delight of the room.

I think that's about it for now. I'll update if I think of more Bellaisms. I did video tape her 'exercising' and flexing her muscles, but it won't load. Mom and dad, I guess you'll just have to plan a visit stat.

I Can't Resist

Is it just the natural course of events that Fiona be doted on as the 'baby' of the family? Is that dependent on her being our probable last child? Is her future one of spoiling, leniency, dotage, and accommodation- Or is she simply a baby, beautiful and charming that holds my heart like each of my children?

Whatever the case, I love these giggles and growls and want to remember them.

Meh.

So many thoughts, musings, interests, passions, goals...Not enough time to document them all. Where does all the time go lately? I think that I underestimate the amount of time that having a baby tacks on to everything. I can account for some of my time, evidenced by my clean baseboards, doors, blinds, edges, corners. The huge load of stuff to go to Goodwill tomorrow. The 5 birthdays this month. The many, many trips to the grocery store lately. Increased cooking. Decreased internet time. The folded clothes. The ironing basket, empty. An organized junk drawer.
Soon, soon I will collect my thoughts. Hopefully create something.

Fiona at 6 Months

As usual I am a little behind in her monthly stats. She was 6 months on the 12th, but here we are. Let's move on. Fiona is still delightful as ever. I recall when Bella was this age I just loved every stage. I always felt like the age she was at the time was always my favorite so far. It continued for quite a while, but I can't quite remember when that tapered off. Luckily for Fi she just gets increasingly cute and enjoyable.
And here she is, sucking on Timm's toes. Surprisingly, Timm didn't orchestrate this maneuver at all- it was all Fi.
I finally started giving her solids about 2 weeks ago after it became obvious she was ready...following everything I put into my mouth and the like. She's a champ and enjoys every aspect of eating. Sounds familiar.
Right here it looks like she is missing her pinkie, but I promise she has all her digits. Just a funny finger-sucking angle. She has the same oral fixation that Bella did- everything goes in the mouth, and her three fingers seem to be her favorite.

On Sunday I uncovered this cutest headband for her. I am of the school of thought that I do not like what we refer to as 'brain tourniquets'- those heinous overwhelming bow headbands that look ample enough to staunch the bleeding of head trauma. However, I love this simple little flower. Why haven't I made these? It made her seem so big to me! Accessories already!
(If not a little cross-eyed...)

Love those big blue eyes...
She's just a joy to behold. I'm so glad that having a baby is more fun this time, that I can let go of so much of the anxiety, hangups, stress, and just enjoy this fleeting time of innocence. She is perennially happy, only fussing when she's hungry or tired. Although she does put up a fuss after I leave her to entertain herself on the floor for too long. Damn kids wanting attention and the like...Don't they know I have a house to keep clean?
I just enjoy her so much. She often communicates with growls and can carry an entire monologue is said fashion. No matter how many times she does this, it never fails to make me laugh.
She is really close to crawling. She can make it on all fours with ease now. She rocks back and forth and can even manage to shuffle a few 'steps', it's just the coordination of movement she doesn't have yet. Seriously it could be tomorrow. Crawling at 6 1/2 months. Lucky me. Super cute, but not a whole lot of time before I am baby-proofing everything and preparing for countless bonks, scrapes and other hurts. I should mention that although she will be crawling any day now, she cannot yet sit up. She seems to have a strong opposition to it, in fact. When I sit her up she arches her back, throwing herself to the floor so she can roll over and try to move. Interesting sequence of events she's chosen to follow. She's got priorities.
She still goes to bed at 7-Hallelujah! But everything else is completely erratic. She wakes up anywhere from 7-10 am, but usually closer to 8 or 9. She usually wakes up around 4 or 5 am and I feed her. I suspect this is more me being a sucker than an actual need for nourishment. Her naps are crazy. She used to nap for 45 minutes, to the minute every time. Now it is sporadic, but usually for the worse. They're usually around 1/2 hour now, with the occasional longer nap that I am never prepared for. I anxiously await some sort of order, longer naps, and a schedule of sorts to plan around...It's a good thing she's not my first because it would drive me crazy, trying to nap and constantly being awoken, living in terror, or at least anxiety of her next waking. Now it's just a matter of trying to madly scurry about the house completing housework. 'Tis but a season, right?
She's growing too fast, but I love this smiley, happy, chubby, rosy-cheeked cherub. Anyone who wants to get in on this precious stage of infancy better buy their tickets now! We're always accepting company!
I can't help myself. I have two more videos to post soon. One giggling, one growling.
So glad I'm enjoying this. Her. Life.

Imminent

Tomorrow I will do a full post on Fiona's 6 month stats, but for now, a cute little glimpse of her crawling progress:

It is clearly imminent, any day now.

Coupon Cliffs Notes

First, let me make one thing clear: Although I am attempting to explain this simply, this post is not short. If you're truly interested, make sure you have time to read it!
Okay, I hope I can make this clear and concise enough for all aspiring couponers to follow- if not, email me and I will be happy to help! I am finally feeling like I am getting on top of things and may actually check my email and respond in a timely manner. For more details, here is the last post where I outlined a lot of coupon protocol. I hope this will show you how you can do as much or as little as you like and save some money along the way. You might find yourself getting hooked like I am and going all out!
First things first- Get as many papers as you think you will need. If you just want to give it a try, get one paper a week. (I get three.) The reasoning for more papers is this: when there is a great deal and you have a great coupon, you are going to want to get more than one of that item, but you will only be able to get as many as you have coupons. Make sense? You can either subscribe for a Sunday or weekend only subscription or buy the papers on Sundays. I buy them from the machines on Sunday mornings.
Next, decide what you are going to clip. You can either clip everything, or pick only what you normally buy. I clip almost everything, because you never know what you may get for free, or next to free. For instance, I never buy sausage, but Timm loves it. I clipped the coupons, and I can buy it for like .40. That's worth it to me. And to Timm. My friend Molly asks herself, 'Would I take this if someone gave it to me for free?' If so, clip it. When clipping more than one paper's worth at a time it is helpful to collate each insert, then cut them all at the same time. Incidentally, it usually only takes me an hour to collate, cut, and organize all my coupons for a week. Not bad while I'm watching tv at night!
Organize your coupons. Like I posted about here, I use baseball card holders in a large 3" 3-ring binder and it is perfect for me. I can see each coupon quickly and easily and it makes it simple, as well as portable. Some people simply keep all the inserts, filed by date. Then when there is a coupon they need, they go back and find that one and clip it as needed. If you're curious about my categories, email me. I won't bore the general public with the details.
Find the deals! This is where it really starts getting fun. As I mentioned before, you have to combine your coupons with store sales to get the maximum benefit. As far as I know, most areas (except Utah County!) automatically double coupons, up to 99 cents. That means that a .75 Q automatically doubles to $1.50 off. You don't' have to do anything-the store does it for you, so in your mind you always looks at your Qs (.99 cents and under) as double their face value. Anything $1 or over are taken at face value.
There are so many sites online devoted to getting you the best deals, but here are some of my favorites. First of all, I find The Grocery Game indispensable. It is a subscription service that you pay for, and it very clearly outlines per store, the item, regular price, sale price, coupon-including where and when it is from, and price after the coupon. It will also include any special instructions, like if you gave to buy a certain quantity. It is $15 every 10 weeks for 1 store, and $5 for each additional store. It may seem pricey as a way to save money, but it is SO worth it to me. I just factor the cost into my food budget, so the month that it gets charged it comes out of my food budget. I save so much money that the cost of my subscription is merely a pittance. Here's the best part- you can get a 4-week trial for only $1. No strings, just cancel before your next billing date. It's awesome because you can sign up to get the lists for every store in your area. When I signed up I had lists for Target, WalMart, Walgreen's, CVS, Food Lion, Bi-Lo, Lowes, Bloom, and Harris Teeter. You can use that 4 week subscription to see if it's really worth it to you. If you do sign up, please use me as your reference! (jessietaylortanner@yahoo.com) For every 3 people who sign up and use your email as the person that referred them, you get 12 free weeks! So sign up and then get people signing up under you!
There are other sites that give you basically the same information for free, but I don't like most of them as well. Between Molly and I we use the Grocery Game for 3 major grocery stores. Then we utilize other sites for other deals and stores. In my opinion, GG is the clearest, most complete list. For $1 you can't go wrong giving it a try to see for yourself.
Some other sites to check out are:
Money Saving Mom- daily posts on great deals, linking them with internet printable coupons- things you won't find on Grocery Game. Sometimes there are giveaways, tips on frugal living etc. A great all-around site.
Coupon Mom- I really don't like the interface of this site so I don't use it very often. However, if you click on 'Grocery deals by state' she has a few stores where she outlines the sales with coupon matchups as well.
I Heart CVS- If you are lucky enough to live by a CVS, this is the site to point out all the free stuff you can get each week, as well as nearly free and other good deals. You kind of have to learn all the lingo for the drugstores, so make sure you read the FAQs and the glossary of terms on the sidebars.
I Heart Wags- Likewise, for Walgreen's. Wags typically does not have the same kind of deals as CVS, but still worth checking. You can still get free items quite frequently.
The Centsible Sawyer- She does match-ups for a lot of stores like Target, WalMart, CVS, Wags, Food Lion, and some other regional stores like Publix and Kroger. Also very easy to read and use.
Hot Coupon World- I use this one for the forums mostly. I go to the ones for grocery stores where all the geeks like me discuss deals and sales. They also will do coupon matchups for the weekly ads as well. I use this one when a store is having Triples (when they triple the face values!), because it's not usually on the other lists. Individuals do the matchups and basically do all the work for you. They'll figure out all the best deals, which are many when they are tripled.
Go Shopping! I pull all the Qs I am going to use, and file them by store in a small coupon organizer I keep in my purse. I also keep my store membership cards in the files by store. The various forums can give you the details for your store's coupon policies. In my area, most stores will allow you to use 20 Qs per day. Some restrict the amount of like coupons you can use, like 4 of any identical Qs. Most stores take internet printables.
Just for an example, here is my week in couponing each time. Sundays, I get my papers and I look up the lists on Grocery Game. They come out on Sunday mornings. At night I spend about an hour cutting and organizing. On Sunday or Monday nights I go through my stores and make my lists based on what I need, menu plans, and what are great stockpile prices. (This is the most fun part for me!)Tuesdays I go shopping to my 3 main grocery stores while Bella is at Joy School. I can go to all 3 stores in about 2 hours with Fiona in tow. Wednesdays the ads change over and I usually look them up online because I can't wait to see what the new sales are and if anything I've been waiting for has come up. Then I wait until Sunday to make my lists for the next week! Each one of these are things I look forward to each week.
My plan has been to spend our typical one month food budget ($300) for 6 months, and stockpile everything I can. (I am starting month5-) Then I hope to cut our budget by a full one-half if possible.
What do I do about meat and produce? I only buy both on sale. I am blessed enough to have a small chest freezer gifted to me by my in-laws, so I have stocked up on meat at sale prices. Consequently, I currently have roast, stew meat, ground beef, bacon, sausage, lunch meat, ground turkey, pork chops, chicken breasts, shrimp and tilapia in my freezer. I buy produce at the best prices and never do without. I combine them with frozen veggies I have gotten extremely cheap and even free, and we are never lacking.
Okay, so here's where I hope to convince you that it is easy, and can be as simple as you want it to be, despite this incredibly lengthy explanation.
Let's say you are really short on time, and only want to put in minimal effort.You don't want to,or are not yet ready to go full hilt. (Everyone could do this- NO excuses!) You could buy just one paper, and choose just one store to shop at. Using either the Grocery Game or one of the various free sites, make your list once a week. If you are doing this 'part-time' then you will obviously have a lot of other things on your list that you don't have coupons for. But is it still worth it? I think so! Imagine these scenarios: cereal always goes on sale for 2/$4. If you have a .75 Q, that doubles to $1.50, so you pay just .50 for the box. Say the cereal's usual price is $3 or more, and you've just saved at least $2.50, which is more than the cost of the one paper you bought that week. If that was the only deal you got, it would more than pay for itself, and of course this will not be the only deal you get! There are certain things I will never buy again- toothpaste, shampoo, toothbrushes, gum, razors, shave gel... you also get set prices you will not pay more than. For instance I will not pay more than $1 for any kind of cleaning product, and usually not more than .50. If you stock up while prices are this low, you will never run out and have to buy cleaner or anything else at a higher price. (This is when multiple papers and coupons come in handy!)
So you can obviously do as much as you want with couponing, and it is fun. But if you just want to get your toes wet, get yourself one paper, sign up for $1 trial of Grocery Game to see what kind of deals are available in your area, and go shopping to your usual store. This will hardly add any time your usual routine, but reward you by leaps and bounds, and you may quickly see yourself getting more and more drawn in.
I am happy to explain more or answer any individual questions. You can comment, or email me.
I'm sorry this is so incredibly lengthy and verbose, but in an effort to make it clear, it has become long.

Return

Our computer is mostly restored, for now at least. I know Timm still has some tweaking to do, and I have what has become increasingly rare access to the laptop tonight so I am taking advantage. I like to combine sedentary activities whenever possible to really get the most mileage out of my butt-sitting time, so Timm and I are cuing up some Arrested Development to watch as well. This post will be one one those junk-drawer catch-all posts that I love so much and which frequently occur when my blogging goes sporadically.
Timm only had to work one night this week which is a first. Lately he works about 3 nights a week, down from 4, but this week, 1. It's great for him, for the family time, for every reason except the budget. Oh well, at least we can say we tried. I am enjoying it while I can. I'm also happy to say that after 5 1/2 years of marriage I still enjoy his company as much or more than anyone, and don't tire of it. Our low-key evenings are the highlight of my day. It seems like all I do all day is in preparation to retire and relax in peace.
I am on week 6 in Weight Watchers. I am excited. About 6 weeks ago I finally felt ready to give it a go, try and exact change. I was surprised to find how excited I was to jump back in. To take control. To work towards a goal. To make myself proud. It is going well:over 13 pounds total. Last week alone, 3.6 pounds. I feel like I'm making real changes, returning to self. It has so many positive effects for everyone within my influence. The success and inspiration translates to every area of my life. After my weigh-in this morning I was elated with my weight loss but still tired and unmotivated to do the day's task of cleaning the bathrooms. Using the momentum I gained from my Weight Watchers meeting I put myself to it and was very productive for the day. Another bonus is the healthy, tasty meals that are now regularly prepared for my family, the abundance of fresh and healthy options. I have more energy and I've recently started receiving those coveted gems, the weight-loss compliments. Things are good.
I've also been really productive this week, detail cleaning my kitchen, living room, and bathrooms. All that remains is our bedrooms. I taught Joy School this week, did my laundry, meal-planning, grocery shopping, even 2 or 3 social ventures, mostly with Molly. I feel largely on top of things, but tired. I can't say my limited access to the internet has hurt my productivity. I have a few other posts in mind that I will hopefully commit to the blog in the next few days, including my beginner's coupon tips and a video of Fiona in her crawling attempts and progress. Here, here!

The Least I Can Do- Literally.

This is an inappropriately short, succinct, and inadequate post for my sister Michelle's birthday. The reasons for this are 3-fold. I have been offline for at least a week now since we got a new (to us) computer from my dad and have yet to get everything set up and running again. (Hence no photos and very limited internet access-) Also, Timm is crazy busy and using his laptop most of the time when he is home, plus it's dying and he has to have it sent out, and thirdly, what more can I say about her? Last year I wrote this post about her and our friendship, and it would be hard to expand on that. Hopefully in a few days I can write a bit moer when I have regular access to the internet. The physical distance between my sister and I is the hardest thing about our moving to NC. Possibly one of the only downsides of that move. I am so blessed and fortunate that I count her as my best friend, example, and inspiration. In so many ways I wish and aspire to be more like her. She is an amazing person, and one I am blessed to be associated with.
I miss her.
I love her.
Happy Birthday Shell, my sister, my friend.
I am honored to call you both.

Sad

Here is Timm, asleep on the floor where he greeted Bella after work.
I quickly snapped this when I realized he had fallen asleep on the floor. When I showed him this later he had no recollection of ever falling asleep. He is so busy and has so little time that the minute he is stationary he immediately falls asleep. What a guy.

She says...

On a funny note, in her prayers the other night Bella said: 'Thank you for the monsters that don't live in our house.'
But a few Sundays ago I scribbled this conversation, while driving, that Bella and I had on our way to church. It started when she asked if we could go to McDonald's and I reminded her that we don't do things like that on Sunday, and briefly explained why.

B: Does Satan go shopping?
J: Er, maybe. Sure, he goes all the time on Sundays.
B: I really want to get baptized.
J: Really? Why?
B: I want to show Satan that you have to get baptized.
J: Well, you know you need to wait until you're eight.
B: Yeah, that's when I want to tell him. I want to tell him when I die. Why does Satan not want to get baptized?
J: Satan didn't want to follow God and His commandments.
B: Well I want to do what God asks me to do. That's why I want to get baptized.

[pause]

B: Does Satan always go to McDonald's?

Then she sung Fiona a lullaby to calm her her crying. What a girl, She surprises me every day.

This Time Around

Anyone who knew me pre-Fiona knows that I was essentially dreading having another baby. That sounds horrible, but it's just that I'm a little bit neurotic. Maybe more than a little. Having Bella was such an adjustment for me, motherhood was such an adjustment, and I don't typically deal well with stress, change, chaos...The thought of adding another child to the fray was overwhelming at best. However I felt so prompted to get pregnant with her I knew it was time, I knew it was right. I was just taking it on faith that it was the right thing to do, that it would work out, that i would be made equal to the task.
Flash forward- Fiona's nearing 6 months, and this time around is so different. If you can believe it I am much less stressed, anxiety-ridden, volatile, and neurotic than I used to be. Part of it is a solid, concerted effort, some of it is a blessing, and some of it is the consequence of learning from and adapting to motherhood. In the last 5 years, having children has taught me more than I expected and stretched me in ways I never would have otherwise. At times it is a challenge, in fact many times it is a challenge and I resent the necessity if the stretch. If I didn't have children I'm sure I wouldn't be the person I am now, and I would be worse for it.
One of the benefits of that stretch is that this time around with Fi is a lot more enjoyable than it was with Bella. Don't get me wrong- of course I loved Bella just as much as I love Fiona, of course it was as rewarding- it's just that it was tempered with more anxiety, stress, and questions. So why so relaxed this time? Partly it is experience. I know that things will be okay. I know that the difficult parts are just a stage. I know that they pass quickly and leave us no worse for the wear. I also know that these sweet baby months are fleeting and precious.It is also due to the belief that Fi is most likely my last child. I always hold in the back of my mind thoughts like, 'this is the last time I'll do...', or 'after this I'll never get to...'. I am savoring the time with her and because of this I am more able to enjoy Fiona's babyhood.
This time I can appreciate it as fun, endearing, cute and finite. I actually think having a baby is fun instead of love riddled with guilt, fear, inadequacy and stress. Of course those feelings still occupy a place in my mind, but they are largely over-ridden with enjoyment. I don't stress the small stuff like her naps, her schedule...I find myself 'spoiling' her already-the natural destiny for the 'baby' of the family? I often nurse her to sleep, rock her to sleep, comfort her at the breast, and hold her when she wants me to. For better or for worse I am not so concerned with things like 'teaching her to fall asleep on her own'. I figure she's a baby for such a short while and she can hone that skill later. Things are working for us, so I continue to cuddle her all I can.

Of course my babies make it easy for me. Fi follows in Bella's tiny footsteps by being a joy- a largely happy, steady, and charming girl. She gives me so many moments to enjoy her and relish the moment that will be only a memory all too soon. Too soon she will talk, whine, beg, throw tantrums, and inadvertently say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Bella's stage is wonderful in it's own way, but there's time for that later. For now Fi is my baby, probably my last baby and I'm going to hold her for all it's worth.

Supply and Demand

So I've tried to stop boring the public with pictures and detailed accounts of my grocery adventures, but I can't help but brag a little now. At least I haven't tallied my receipts, or taken pictures of each trip. I did that for a while, then didn't post them right away and then seemed irrelevant.
Lately I've been so excited and proud of the supply of food we are building. When I started couponing my goal was to spend our full grocery budget for 6 months to stockpile, then try and cut our budget in half, to $150 a month. Well, I've been going for 3 1/2 months, so things are looking good. I have hardly bought a thing in the last few months that were not a coupon/sale combo item. In other words, I can probably count on one hand the amount of full-price items I have bought. (except milk, gotta have milk.) And here are the fruits of my labors:
Our fully-stocked pantry, making it difficult to find many things. We're kind of bursting at the seems.
My fridge has NEVER been so full in my adult life, except perhaps when I s hared it with 5 other roommates, eh Kim? You can usually sum up the entire contents of my fridge in a cursory glance, and it generally looks like I am due for a grocery trip. I also never have so much produce: grapes, apples, pears, cantaloupe, carrots, bell peppers, asparagus, potatoes...
Then there's my famed freezer. I recently told Timm that this is one of my favorite gifts I've ever been given, and I've been generously blessed with a lot of wonderful gifts! After 2 months of it's receipt it is almost full. We have more frozen vegetables than I know what to do with, 10 loaves of bread, and an impressive meat selection: Stew beef, ground beef, roast, chicken, ground turkey, pork chops, sausage, bacon, and shrimp. What the? Definitely a first.
The spill-over continues to my linen closet, the bottom half of which is devoted to food and toiletries.
I have 2 drawers in Fiona's room dedicated to food storage.
And some more paper products in my utility closet, as well as about 5 bags of groceries simply laying in my studio, waiting for a vacancy.
I did my weekly menu planning like I try to do on Sunday or Monday, and with 5 meals I only had to buy a total of 5 minor ingredients. 5!! Everything else was on hand. Amazing.
All this supply makes me feel safe, rich. I love knowing that I have an array of food to choose from, a selection of food to offer my family, and many healthful choices, as well as some extravagant items I would otherwise never be able to afford. Have I mentioned I love this job/hobby? Every aspect of it. Very rewarding. My mom and I were talking about it recently, lamenting that other people we know don't have time to devote to couponing. Then I got to thinking- I invest a lot of time in it, but that is because I want to, I like to, and I can. I always say I have time, I don't have money. However, it's the kind of thing that you could devote as little or as much time as you have. Even if you run a tight schedule and think you have no time, I bet everyone could do something, and every little bit helps, especially in these perilous times, no? I have a few people specifically in mind...Denise, Michelle- I'm looking in your direction... So if anyone has a vague interest, you should email me because I have some ideas for a beginner, or someone who only wants to invest minimal time but still reap rewards.
A couple days ago I was pulling into a spot at one of my oft-visited stores, Harris Teeter, and I pulled right in front of this coupon woman I met months ago. At the time Molly had just started couponing but hadn't really given me any details, so I was curious. While I was shopping at the same Harris Teeter I saw this woman whith what I thought at the time was a rediculous 3" binder filled with what appeared to be thousands of coupons. So I asked her if I could bother her and ask her a few questions. She very enthusiastically answered 'Of course, this is what I do!' So I asked her a few things and after a few minutes went on my way. I ended up signing up for the Grocery Game under her, and now here I am. I feel like this is my conversion story and now I am an enthusiastic missionary excited to convert the world! Flash to present- I pull in front of her and honk as she pulls out. I leave my car running with Fiona inside and run up to her. I ask if she remembers me and she says 'Of course!', so I proceed to tell her that now I'm all over it. The 3" binder, the websites, the mutiple papers I purchase, the glee, the excitement... I leave of geekishness since I'm not sure she would appreciate that take on it. However, this is definitely the geekiest thing I've ever done. She hugged me and squealed 'I'm so proud of you!'. It was funny. Ah, crazy coupon ladies, of which I am one.