Photo Journalism

I didn't post yesterday because I took an impromptu trip to Wendover with Timm. Wendover is a small casino town just over the Utah border, in Nevada. (A fact that is clearly delineated by a painted white line in the middle of the road, defining the 'Utah side' against the 'Nevada side'. Or more meaningfully, the side where gambling is illegal, and the side where it is not.) We are not gamblers; Timm was Scuba certifying a group of scouts at Blue Lake and literally begged for my company. It was only a 24-hour trip, and I really didn't want to go. Really, Really, really. I tried to focus on how sweet it was that it was so important to Timm to have his family there, even for the short time we would see eachother (mostly in the 2 1/2 hour drive each way.) So I consented under much badgering. This is Timm looking happy that we are getting on our way:

This is me trying to look hopeful that it will not be as utterly horrible as I forcasted it to be:

This is Bella looking completely oblivious to the boredom and frustration of (an albeit small)roadtrip that would follow:

I had never been to Wendover, mostly for good reason I have decided after having been there. So I had never seen the salt flats either. This is a picture of them I took from the window of the moving car, for those of you who also have never seen the salt flats. It's weird- it looks just like snow, doesn't it? But it's salt!

This is a bizarre and ugly 'sculpture' that is on the way out there too. Presumably it is a 'ball tree' from which sports equipment grows, which was apparently hatched from an egg. Mm hmm...

As soon as we got there Timm had to take off to the lake to teach, leaving me to put Bella down for a nap in the bathroom of our room. She did pretty well- she cried for about 10 minutes, but then took a good nap. This is a picture of what I can only assume is a Breathe Right nose strip. That's right- it was on the headboard of one of the beds in our room. (Not the one we slept on!) I was thoroughly grossed out. Then I took a picture.

This is the casino where we had dinner: The Rainbow. Clearly, it was designed by someone on an acid trip, or at least very familiar with the stuff. It was enough to give you an instant migraine, or a seizure, or both at the same time. I couldn't belive how attrocious and gaudy it was. I snapped this blurry photo one second before a very patronizing man, addressing me as 'sweetheart', told me not to. (Ick.) We paid $50 for a seafood buffet. Let me clarify- a friend of Timm's paid for us to eat at the buffet. I never would have spent the money, especially considering how little I actually ate.
All in all, it wasn't a completely horrible trip. It was still a sacrifice that I did only for Timm. (traveling with a baby is always a sacrifice.) It wasn't too bad, but I'm glad we're home. That is my photo journalistic view of my trip to Wendover. My one, and only, trip to Wendover.

{p.s. I forgot to mention one great bonus for going to Wendover. It was defnately better than a walk through Walmart. Translation= My aunt Denise, "dpw" is known to tell you that "You need a walk through WalMart" if you are being hard on yourself for any reason, particularly physically. A walk through WalMart always puts things in perspective, when you judge yourself against everyone else. I know that sounds harsh, but it's true. Despite the fact that I felt like trash because I had my one-year old at a smoky casino, after eating at the buffet on Friday night, I instantly felt thinner, prettier, better dressed, MORE dressed, and sophisticated than I had previously. Again, it sounds harsh, but it's true. Try it and see.}

Rolling Forth

I am so excited how my charity work is rolling along! First, I got promises of paper donations from the first person I asked! (Leaving Prints) I was so excited, I was jumping up and down, dancing around, waving my arms like a crazy person. I thought, if I can get the paper, then I can do this. No matter what else happens, I can make this work. SO I decided to take many of your advice, and just try anyone. I emailed practically any major scrapbook company I could think of: Making Memories, KI Memories, Bazzill, American Crafts, Chatter Box, Roberts, Michaels, Provo Craft, Prima, SEI, Joanns, Close to My Heart etc... The only flat rejections I have gotten are from Joanns and Close to My Heart. I got two cryptic, but promising emails back from Bazzill and American Crafts. AC simply asked me for an address where they could send donations. I don't know if this means they are sending things, or if they simply needed more information, but I am very hopeful. I got almost an immediate response after emailing the Regional Manager in charge of central Utah. Did you know AC is based in Orem? It's perfect because it appeals to their sense of community as well. Imagine what great mail that would be! Then I got this email from Bazzill almost immediately as well. I need help decoding it though:
Hi Jessie,
First off your letter made me stop and think. And let me know that I should be very thankful for everything I have in life.
I am sending you and your program a list of scrapbooking items.
I am sure it will help you, help a lot of people.
Thank you so much for thinking of us.
Frani Garcia
What does this mean? She is sending me a list? What? I'm confused, but so excited!!! It sounds very hopeful whatever it means. She told me I could email her again with any questions- should I? Should I send my address to her? What do I do?
In any event, I am so excited. Just ask Timm how I was jumping around. Before any of this happened, and I just had my paper donation from LP, I thought- why am I so surprised? I prayed that the business owner's hearts would be softened and that they would be generous. So why am I surprised that my prayers were answered? I mean, it's a righteous desire, it's unselfish, and I'm trying to help others, so why wouldn't Heavenly Father help me? It just seemed so obvious- duh! Why wouldn't He want to help me? Why are we surprised when we answers our prayers? Oh me of little faith...
I'll keep the updates coming. I'm also trying to think of a name for this project with Lola's name in it. Any ideas?

Tagged

Tagged by Michelle!

5 Things in my fridge:

Great Harvest bread
various diet sodas
sugar free pudding
corn tortillas
brussles sprouts

5 Things in my closet:

clothing that is:
too big
too small
out of season
out of style
not my style

5 Things in my purse:

my cute polka-dot wallet
coupons
diapers
receipts
cute lip-print makeup bag (from mom!)

5 Things in my car:

CDs
stroller
car seat
gym towel
wood (Timm's!)

5 Things on my Tivo/DVR:
(Don't have it- but if I did...)

American Idol
Grey's Anatomy
The Apprentice
Medium

Tagging:
Hannah
Erin
Timm
Robin

**Like Jill said, if you don't have a blog, leave a comment with your answers!**

Donations Letter

I need your help in editing! This is my first draft of the letter I will give to businesses when asking for their donations. Please provide any constructive critisim, as to how I can make it better, more effective etc. Denise and Michelle, I am specifically looking in your direction!
Dear
My name is Jessie Tanner, and in June of 2004 our first baby, Lola Jane was stillborn. She was full-term, and I had experienced no problems during my pregnancy, so it was a complete shock to us. We never were able to find any indications of what went wrong, or what caused her death. Something that helped us greatly through this trial was the IHC Bereavement Program headed by Heather Walker. This program provided a box of things to remember our baby, such as molds of her hands and feet, a lock of her hair, and photographs. In addition, I made an album for our baby to remember her, and the experience was very healing and cathartic.
In memory of what would be my daughter Lola’s 2nd birthday, I am organizing a charitable crop in June to make mini albums for the IHC Bereavement Program. I want to be able to provide finished 6x6 albums so that that grieving parents can simply adhere pictures of their baby and have a complete album to remember them by. Some parents may not have the means or skills to scrapbook, or it may simply be too painful for them to do at the time. Regardless, I think every parent would treasure having such a gift, as I know I treasure the few tangible items I have of Lola’s. You must know how important it is to preserve their baby’s memory and the experience they have had with their baby.
My goal is to make 120 6x6 albums to present to the Bereavement Program. This supply would serve the IHC hospitals in the Utah Valley area for one year, and would touch countless lives. We are in desperate need of donations to make these precious keepsakes. Please consider making a donation in behalf of the IHC Bereavement Program. Specifically we are in need of:
Patterned Paper (pinks, blues, and neutrals)
Card Stock (pinks, blues, and neutrals)
Albums
Embellishments
Adhesive
Any donations would be greatly appreciated and I would love to recognize your product in our albums. Please let me know what you can do to help this endeavor. I can be reached by phone at or , or by email at
Sincerely,
Jessie Tanner

{Update!! I got the first company I contacted, Leaving Prints, to donate all the paper!!!! LP is the direct sales scrapbooking company I worked for as an Account Manager when I was pregnant with Bella. I started there just a month after Lola died and it was the perfect job for me then. I was a whacko, and they were so sweet and understanding of my whacko-ness. They donated all the paper! (Or will once I tell her specifically what I want) I feel like I can really make this happen now that I've gotten such a chunk promised already! I am so giddy!!! Prayer works!!!}

Sick Baby and an Ugly Yard.

Okay, so apparently I needed one more day of Spring Break before I could return. I think I got sucked into the swirling vortex of time because Erin is here. Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad thing- it's really fun to have someone to talk to and hang out with during the day, it's just so out of the norm for me! I am usually just kickin it with Bella all day with not much other human contact. It's thrown me through a loop of unproductivity, but not necessarily unwanted.
Today I am grateful that even when my baby is sick, as Bella is, she is still a good baby, as she is. Erin took this picture of her on Monday with a very snotty nose. Even though she has had a cold for about a week, she still eats and sleeps well, and is generally happy. (Generally- yesterday instead of taking her afternoon nap she cried for an hour and a half. Very sad/disconcerting/frustrating for both of us.) But all in all, I can't complain- she still sleeps through the night which is great.

Here is a picture of our yard, pre-roto tilled. It's a mess. You can see where Timm planted 25 tomato plants last year, and basically all of his trash. I apologize for alarming all of you with Timm's bon fire in our back yard, then not posting the next day. I now realize that could have been alarming! I need advice for our little yard. (square.) It is unfortunate that we are the only ones you have that horrid chain link fence in the back so we have to look at the apartments and parking lot behind us. My friend Mona gave us some Clematis last year that is still growing on the fence, but it obviously is not covering it yet. We also have some Boston Ivy trying to grow on the fence. Timm is going to spread seed (a special shade mix for our shady square) but I really wish we could afford sod. It would only be $100 or less for our tiny parcel, and it would be instant gratification of a lawn! Then I start dreaming and think of what else I could do. I want to make nice flower beds on the back since because of those trees we can't make grass go all the way to the edge. (Maybe Pansies because of the shade?) I don't know anything about gardening since I've never had the opportunity to do it, but I really want to! I think it would be fun to get some kind of equipment for Bella to play on back there, but we have no money! Really- none. I'm dreaming, but then those dreams are quickly squashed by the realization that we have no money to do anything cute back there, and even if we did, I don't know what to do with it! Help with gardening/lawn/flower ideas, even of they are a pipe dream! We will be here for this summer and next, so I want to enjoy it!

End of Break

I'm sorry for my hiatus in the blogging world, but hopefully I am back. Yesterday I took a nice break so that I could just spend the day with Timm and Bella with minimal interruptions. We went up to Provo Canyon and tooka little walk, and just hung out for the day. We couldn't go to church because Bella is recovering from the cold that I gave her. Not much is going on now, so I will just post some random thoughts. I hope you're not too bored. (I don't know how to do bullets, so a list will have to suffice.)
*I'm excited because Timm borrowed a roto-tiller to rip up our small parcel of a back yard (more like a back square) and has grand plans to plant grass. More to post on the possibilities of this later...
*Erin is in town for a few days so we spent the day doing nothing together in true old-friends style. It was really fun, comforting, and so great to have the company! She also graciously took me to lunch. I did my diet best by getting a salad (Cafe Rio style, so not so healthy-) but I split in half between lunch and dinner.
*I weighed in today and lost 1 pound. Not astounding, but the first time I've lost in quite some time. I am cutting back the points this week, trying to eat more fruits and veggies, and trying to go to the gym.
*I am going to try to start on Lola's album tonight so that I can beg for donations this week. Pray that their hearts will be softened!
*Timm is burning a large stack of things in our back square. I am alarmed. You should be too. If I don't blog tomorrow, assume he burned the house down.
*I shall try to return to regular blogging tomorrow, complete with a picture. Blogging Spring Break is over!!

Better than Good Mail

It seems I am the recipient of a recent influx of kind gestures lately- today is no different. Michelle brought us over this bad of groceries today! It is the perfect mix of things: staples so I can make some dinners like chicken,tortillas,corn and black beans, as well as home-made Navy Bean soup which was delicious and I had for lunch. But she didn't just give us staples- she gave us all the things you want when your poor and dieting- snacks! From Crystal Light to Kettle Corn, various 100 Calorie Packs and an assortment of diet sodas. It is a delight to behold! Thank you so much Michelle- the kindness and generosity of others is such a lift to the spirits. I am so blessed to have so many sweet, thoughtful, generous people in my life. I know that my little family will always be okay because we have so many great people looking out for us. Thanks Michelle, and anyone else who has recently provided for us!

Bella's Good Mail

Bella got her first good mail today from Mya! (Hannah's 21-month old) What a lucky little baby to be getting good mail already :) Mya is a good mentor for her. She sent her two little board books and some fruit snacks. The books were perfect and perfect timing too- She has been getting bored (no pun intended) with her books lately. (bored- board books, get it? ;)We needed to mix it up a little bit, so perfect timing! I let her keep these ones downstairs with all her toys, since the rest we leave in her room to be handy for naps and bedtime reading. She's been enjoying 'reading' them by herself all day. Thanks Hannah! I mean- Thanks Mya! Sorry the photo is blurry- it was dim light in the living room, I hate the flash, and I obviously haven't read my camera manual yet.
Not much to note today except I went to the gym again- hooray! With the help of the gift card Rachelle gave us to Wal-Mart I was able to get some groceries today. That means I can have more than ham roll-ups for lunch now! (translation= a piece of lunch meat rolled up.) I'm not feeling sorry for myself, it's kind of funny. Bella always has enough to eat, and it's just a temporary set back, is all. Help and food is on the way! In fact, what am I saying? It's here, I went shopping today! Yay!

Fun dream!

I had the funniest dream last night, and I loved it! First of all, it must be said that I love Prince. (And yes, he goes by that again...)Call it a guilty pleasure, but I love him, and if I'm down I can pop in some Prince and dance around and cheer right up. (Don't knock it till you've tried it, all you 'hata's out there!)
So I am on the activities committee in my church (In real-life and in my dream)and apparently we're having a big activity and I'm in charge of the entertainment. Also apparent, is that Prince and I are friends.(in the dream, unfortunately not in real-life) We're not bosom buddies, but more than casual acquaintances...So naturally I think of calling him to see if he'll perform for our church activity. He was a real champ- he came and even helped set up chairs. (He's a real stand-up guy, I'll tell ya)Unfortunately I didn't get to really enjoy the show because I was hustling around making sure everything was taken care of. I felt so cool walking around talking to Prince like old buds, and everyone was looking at us and whispering. I was like, "Yeah, that's right- I'm friends with Prince!" SO afterwards he gives me the bill, cause even though we're friends he doesn't do this stuff for charity, ya know? The only problem is, the bill is for $7,500, and our budget for the entire party was only $5000. (definitely a dream!) I was aghast. It never occurred to me to ask him how much it would be- I just totally forgot. To be fair, he did give me a professional discount of $300 since we're friends, and $7,500 really isn't that much to pay for a personal concert from a bona-fide rock star! Still, I was beside myself. The bishop was not going to be happy with this. I was afraid that I would have to pay for it, which is impossible. Then someone told me that the bishop would pay for it all, but would only send it to Prince in like, $40 payments a month. Then I was embarrassed because it's Prince, and we're friends... Alas, I never got to see how it was resolved because I woke up.
Isn't it weird how Prince supposedly became a born again Christian and alledgedly re-did some of his notoriously scandalous songs? Maybe that's why he was so willing to perform for us- helping out a fellow Christian and all. Maybe he could've knocked down the price a little more for a 'Christian' discount or something. Sheesh Prince.

No Photo Entry

I am so proud of myself- I rarely say that because a) it sounds a little bit stupid to say and b) I hardly ever do something that just makes me proud! But today I am- small accomplishment, but I went to the gym. It's not much, I know, but it's momentous today. I've been struggling with depression as I wait for my new medicine to work it's magic. No magic yet. I'm not spiraling into the depths of despair (if I were you wouldn't be reading this...) but I'm just kind of blah, and know where it would be heading if I didn't have help on the way in the form of medicine coursing through my system. Although I know I will probably never be one of those naturally happy and optimistic people I envy, I am realizing that there is a lot I can do to try and keep my spirits up. I have a little bit of a cold, so I didn't go to the gym on Monday as it is hard to wipe your nose while working out, as well as the fact that it is generally frowned upon by the gym-going crowd. Today I still have the cold and it was an easy cop-out, but then I saw my day ahead of me. It was going to be the third day in a row that I stayed in my lounge clothes (arguably because I had nowhere to go and can afford the luxury). I would nap when Bella napped, and basically schlep around the house, wishing I felt better, and literally watching the world go by. That's how I feel when I am depressed- that there is a whole world out there waiting to be explored and enjoyed, and instead I just watch it all go by without me. And I feel powerless to effect change. Normally I would probably just let this slump come over me, except for the fact that I am a mother, and I want the best for my daughter. I don't want her to miss out on anything, and when it really comes down to it, I don't either. I want to be happy and be a full participant in my life, and the lives of those around me. I don't want to allow my depression, or my-sometimes poor body image to make me miss out on ANYthing. So with the idea of change, and the fact that our many choices determine our destiny, even if little by little, I went to the gym. I worked out hard for 45 minutes, and I was SO glad I did. It turned my whole day, my whole attitude around. Granted, it's only one day- but going today makes it easier to go the next time. Going to the gym makes it easier to eat better today and stick to my other goals. Making this one, albeit small accomplishment, makes it easier to accomplish other things. And an added bonus- for some reason I've hardly had the tv on at all today- maybe seeing other adults at the gym gave me a boost of companionship so I didn't seek it in daytime tv.
*What have you done that makes you proud of yourself? If you can't think of anything lately- do something now!*

Scrap Space

So this is really not much to look at, but after several requests, I am delivering photos of my scrap space. This is our third bedroom, formerly a guest bedroom, formerly referred to as the "tool shed.' The bed and tools have been displaced, so it is now a dedicated scrap space. Like I said, it's not much to look at, but it's my first dedicated space, so it is what it is. It is also the only room where I let Timm display his projects and chachkes. (sp?)I have my dream scrap room all planned out with magazine clippings and drawings, but that is a dream that never be realized. For now I have a drafting table which offers ample work space, and various plastic organizers. It works. Now all I need is a tv in there. I'm hoping to get a bigger tv for our living room for my birthday, and then I can put our existing one up there. For now it's still too tempting to work on my coffee table in the living room because of the tv. Here's the details:

This is a close-up of the plastic hardware units I got from Target. Loving these! One is almost all full of various tags. The other I have lots of chipboard and other small items in.
I recently transferred all my ribbon to store them on these floss cards and I'm loving it. It's portable, I can add or subtract from it. I keep extra in a box to refill it as necessary.
Michelle and I swap some Prima flowers out to eachother when either of us buys bottle. It's wonderful reciprocity since there are so many flowers in each bottle! I put them in baby food jars.

I have many a button that I put in these jars Timm gets for me at the Physics department. I love the look of them,a nd have about 2 dozen jars worth. You can never have too many buttons!

I keep my rubons and letter stickers sorted and organized in sheet protectors in 3-Ring binders. I sort them by manufacturer, and it is very handy!

And finally, here is a small sampling of the composition books I made for my mom. I didn't show them as well as I could- I did half where I made the ribbon a closure for the book. You can kind of see it on the bottom right-hand book. What a great way to make a few bucks!
So now you have seen my humble scrap abode.

Easter photos

Yesterday was so much fun to go to Michelle's for dinner. We really never go anywhere as a family, because the only day we are together is Sunday, and we just hang out at home. I just recently have implemented Sunday walks as a family now that the weather is nice. (Usually!)When it was just Timm and I, we used to go to Michelle's very Sunday for dinner and it was fun. Dinner was perfect, and so was the company. Thanks Michelle for all your hard work. It was a great Easter holiday.


(It's hard to get good expressions on everyone! I wonder what Bella is thinking...)

Happy Easter!

We are so blessed to have a wonderful friend like Rachelle! Look at the darling Easter basket she brought us last night! I had been lamenting to her that we couldn't afford to get anything for Bella in our sorrowful financial state, and she said that she couldn't bear the thought of her not having an Easter basket! (I was just glad Bella wasn't old enough to miss getting something... if she was even a year older we would have had to figure something out. As it is though we can't even buy groceries so a basket was out of the question!) I am so touched! Without making Rachelle sound as pathetic as we are, this is truly a case of the widow's mite! Rachelle is a single mother and has a new job that she hasn't even started yet- I know this must be a huge sacrifice for her! And the basket is perfect- For Bella it has a stuffed bunny, as you can see, as well as a board book ("I'm trying to be like Jesus"-perfect Easter story!), 2 pairs of BabyGap socks, and some candy for us. Also, the perfect amount of candy. Just enough to indulge a little bit for Easter, but not to have any lingering around for us to over do it. Then she also put in a gift card to Wal-Mart for Timm and I-presumably so we can get some food! I am just overwhelmed. This means so much to me Rachelle, and if I were a crying type of girl, I would. But I'm not, so I'm just really, really, touched. You really shouldn't have- it is too much, but perfect! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Really-thanks. :)

Timm made me this basket while I took a nap this afternoon. (How resourceful!) We have some baskets, but they're all in storage, so he made this one from matte board. (Black-very festive!) He filled it with things he pilfered from the Physics department at work: Diet coke, Sun Chips, and 2 mini Bath and Body Works lotions he bought for me and saved. Instead of Easter grass we filled it with branches of my two favorite blossoming trees: plum and weeping cherry. (Again, how resourceful!) He didn't want me to go without, so he made his own. What a sweet guy.
When Bella wakes up we are going to Michelle's for what will be a DELICIOUS dinner. I am so excited. My stomach is so excited. My fat cells are not so excited. I have to weigh tomorrow, and if not for today, I would be reasonably optimistic about my weigh-in results. We shall see. What a good day! Thank you Rachelle, Timm, and Michelle for a great Easter holiday! I love you guys!

Widowhood

Well I am just about finished with my half of the composition books we are making for my mom. It didn't take nearly as long as I imagined it would. Many of you marvel at how I am able to get so many things done. There are 2 reasons for this: The first is that I only have 1 (easy) child, and I am for all intents and purposes, a widow. I am a BYU widow. Oh sure, Timm's alive and all, but hardly, in our family it seems lately! I can count on seeing him on Sundays at least, and that hasn't always been the case so I am grateful. Besides that though, and it's a crap shoot. (Is that the right terminology? I'm not too gambling-savvy) I saw him last night for a few hours to be fair, but the last time before that was on Monday night, and I'm not sure when I'll see him tonight. I get really weary from it. I hate feeling like a single mother, and am just glad that I'm not an actual single mother. I can't wait until we're still poor (as Timm is going to teach high school...) but at least I'll get to see my husband on a more regular basis. At least Bella is good company and cute, to boot! This is a picture my dad took of her while we were out visiting them about a month ago. Incidentally, I've been looking at pictures of Bella from 6 months ago, and she still wears the same clothes! Ridiculous! Oh, and the second reason that some of you marvel at my capability to get things done: I don't blog about all the stuff I don't do. I haven't made any posts about endlessly sitting on the couch, or making cookies and then eating them all. I don't post about staying in my jammies all day with no make up on when my sole accomplishment is to reach out the door and get the mail. I have many, many of those days. (again, the dynamics of having only one child.)
Also, I heard back from the director of the Bereavement Program at the hospital, and she said she deals with about 150 losses a year, but that not all of the parents would want the scrapbook. She said it would be safe to make about 110-120. I am going to pursue this and go to local shops begging next week. I thought about organizing a crop at my church, maybe for Lola's birthday in June. If I can get enough supplies, I may try that. I will keep you guys posted and appreciate any and all help if I can get this idea off the ground and out my just my head.

Long, but please read!!

I have what I think is a good idea, and I want everyone to sound off and give me any needed suggestions for how to improve upon it. Most of you know that our first child was a full-term still born little girl named Lola Jane. This June would have been her 2nd birthday, and her life and death still resonate deeply with us. When she died, a volunteer with the hospital came and took dental molds of her hands and feet, a lock of her hair, hand and feet prints, and took pictures of her. She presented all of this in a box which we hold dear, along with the dress, blanket, and hat that she wore when we held her. Many of these things are framed, and some are displayed in the scrapbook that I made for Lola. These are the only tangible reminders that we have of our little girl, and I am constantly grateful for them, and for the saintly woman who graciously collected them for us. I am so grateful that I could go through the cathartic experience of scrapbooking our experience with Lola, and I don’t know what I would have done without it- it was such a healing experience. Because of all of this, I have decided that I want to create mini albums for parents who have lost babies. I am proposing this to the woman who handles the bereavement program to see if she could implement it with what she already does. They would be simple 8x8 pages (I think) that would be complete and ready for the parents to adhere the pictures of their baby, as well as their hand and feet prints etc. The reason I want to do this is because some parents may not have the means or skill to scrapbook, but would still appreciate having one. There may be some parents who simply can’t bring themselves to do it themselves, but would still treasure having the memories of their baby. I know how priceless Lola’s things and memories are to me, and I don’t want anyone to miss their child’s things. The problem of course, is that we are nearly destitute. (half-joking, half-truth) So my plan is this- I know the owner of Pebbles in my Pocket (a local scrapbook store and international supply company) and a part-owner of a local direct sales scrapbooking company, Leaving Prints. (where I used to work) I am going to approach them as well as 2 other local shops to see if they could make charitable donations of supplies. I figured they could donate damaged paper that I could still cut down and use, and any other damaged product that is unsellable, but still salvageable. That’s a start. I am going to write a letter about Lola’s story and approach them in person, showing them Lola’s album. I would probably still need other supplies, like albums or page protectors. So I need your input. Any input would be appreciated, like who else could I approach? Where else could I receive donations or materials? Anything would be helpful. And for you fellow scrapbookers, what size do you think would be best- 6x6 or 8x8? I could obviously get a lot more albums using 6x6, but I don’t want to skimp at all. These albums should be simple, but beautiful. Sound off.
p.s. Because of the high birth rate in our area, there is also a very high mortality rate. I would be very busy keeping up with demand, and if it takes off, may organize a charitable crop to get help making albums!

Sweet, sweet sleep.

I am such a lucky girl. Actually, I would say blessed, since I don't really believe in luck. Bella is an easy baby to begin with, but she makes motherhood even easier by being a good sleeper. She's pretty much always been a good sleeper. She was consistently sleeping through the night by 4 months old, and even earlier than that sporadically. Since that time she's slept from about 7pm- 7am, but recently it's gotten even better. She pushed her bedtime back an hour to 8, which I was reluctant to get on board with, but the cause is well worth it. She just kind of fell into a schedule for napping (finally!)about 2 or 3 weeks ago. She regularly naps from 10:30-12:30 AND 3:30-5:30!! Could it BE any better than that?! I love it. I only wonder how long this great fortune can possibly last. Not only does she take 2 great 2 hour naps a day, (most days) but they're scheduled so I can schedule things as well. (Not very often necessary since I don't have a lot going on, but still, SO convenient.) I just hope all my babies are so good and have their dad's easy-going personality. There's definitely more of Timm in her in that regard, thank goodness. (I think everyone is sighing in relief over that one, myself included.)
p.s. Jill took this sweet picture of Bella when she was about 2 months old last July.

Stream of Consciousness

Look at the fun little package I got from Hannah today! (Reciprocity in action, once again!)Diet Jello is one of my favorite diet "treats" (some of you are cringing) and a pedometer because I was admiring hers! I will wear it tomorrow and see how pathetic I am. I probably take 500 steps a day if I have my way.(Couch/Lifetime/TLC/scrapbooking=good day)So Thanks Hannah! I love fun mail, and thanks Jill for introducing me to it!
Today has been more a swirling vortex of time kinda day, but I enjoy it. I took another nap... I can't seem to get off of those lately! I always have other more important, productive or fun things to do, but the allure of a nap is so great. Especially when I think I only have the opportunity while I hae one child at home!
I really need to get a peephole. Sometimes you need to monitor who you open the door to, and I don't have that luxury- nay, I say right. Just now I was interrupted by 4 neighborhood kids who wanted to see my cats. I kept them at the door because Bella is napping, but they were still loud. That's the kind of visitor I would not have opened the door for at this particular moment.
So today I tried to resume my cleaning from yesterday, and I could not force myself to clean our upstairs bathroom. I reiterate the fact that I am a neat freak, not a clean freak. I suppose if it looks clean it's good enough for me sometimes. But picking up- man, I could pick up all day long. I could be on the Olympic picking up team, that's how good I am. When we have money (a common hopeful mantra uttered by myself) I will hire someone to clean for me.(Jill is cringing) I can pick up, wipe up, dust, vacuum.. I enjoy all of those things, but I will hire someone to scrub floors and clean my bathrooms. I just hate it.

Michelle and I went out today to get supplies for a project our mom has commissioned us for. We are to make 40 composition books, and possibly more in the future. It is kind of a big(ish) project, but not a bad way to make money, and oh how fun it will be to have spending money. Here's all the paper and ribbons we got. We decided to go with Chatterbox because it is hip, but still refined for the older crowd we may be catering to.
Incidentally, I have been blogging a bit less. I have been restraining myself to about 2 times a day, (going online at all) which is quite a cut back. IT has helped avoid swirling vortexes of time and obsessive checking of blogs. On my less busy days I will probably still be obsessive. I have a couple of topics waiting in the wings for those days.

Late Monday Wrap Up

Today has been a good, but busy day. One of those days where you are pleasantly tired out by all that you've accomplished, and happy to crawl into bed, yet not exhausted. First of all, I'm happy to say that I did go to the gym this morning as planned. It wasn't so hard, and it felt good once I was there. I only did the elliptical trainer for 30 minutes, but considering my fitness level, I was happy that I did that with not a lot of trouble. Then I had a doctor's appointment that was quite lengthy to review my history of depression and my state of mind lately. I did a trial where I took myself off of my medications to see how I could function without them since I'd been on them for so many years. Not so good. It wasn't terrible, but I just want to be able to function at the highest level possible. (Not only for myself, but for the good of my husband, my daughter, and basically every poor soul I have e to come in contact with... It's a service to humanity, really.) that went pretty well. I indulged myself in a LONG nap while Bella took hers. (One of the perks of having only one child at home) Then I cleaned my downstairs, went visiting teaching to an inactive woman in my ward, and did some organizing with Timm while we watched "The Apprenti" (There were 2 on tonight.) I even worked in a walk and a visit to my neighbor today. It;s been a productive and busy day and I am ready for bed! (Hence the late post. I'll try to be more punctual and post early in the day as I enjoy my fellow bloggers to do. ) Good night!

My first "Sunday-style" Post

I never post Jill's Sunday style posts, because I never feel like I really have much of import to say or add, but I'm going to try, starting now:
Today has been a great Sunday. First of all, like Jill, I bore my testimony in sacrament meeting today. There was a pause, and I felt the Spirit's nudging to get up there. I of course proceeded to rationalize why I shouldn't get up there, how I had nothing to say, and no one wanted to hear from me anyway. Then I thought some of the same things that Jill said- I need to do this so that my family, and the congregation, and most important, the Lord, knows that I have a testimony. (not to mention myself!) I thought of the last time that I did, and I remembered when Timm and I went to the temple a year ago last November. Oh wait- I did at Bella's blessing- That's not SO bad, but that was still last July- too long ago! Anyway, then I thought: I don't have to have a great story, or any witty anecdotes (people usually don't...) I simply need to say the few things that consist of a true testimony. So I did. (Here's the paraphrased version)I said that I know Jesus Christ was my Savior and Redeemer and that He died for us and lives again. I know that Gordon B. Hinckley is a true prophet of God, and that the gospel was restored by the prophet Joseph Smith. I know that the Book of Mormon is the word of God, and that Heavenly Father will perform miracles in our lives.
Nothing exiting or funny, just the things I know to be true, and I'm so glad that I did.
Another comment from my friend Diana that I liked, was "faith doesn't keep." If we aren't continually working on our faith, it will in essence, go bad. Interesting, huh?
Another thought that I had in sacrament meeting: A new kind of good mail. I thought about this for years, and am ashamed that I haven't done it for years, but I am going to start sending at least 1 card a week to someone in our ward. Like today, someone bore their testimony and I just loved it so I am going to send her a card thanking her for doing it and getting to know her just a little bit. There's usually at least one talk, testimony, or act that makes me want to acknowledge someone on Sunday, so I'm going to *try* to start acting on it!

Another Good Choice

I went to the gym yesterday. I didn't work out, mind you, but I went and looked around. (That's a start, right?)I went in to get a guest pass so I could try it out and see if I can really commit myself to going. I am giving myself these 3 weeks that my pass is for to see if I can discipline myself to go at least 3 times a week to start. (ultimately maybe I'll go as much as 5, but we'll see about that.) It's actually a really nice gym, and it's kept in great condition. I think it would be really great for me if I could develop regular exercise as a habit, so I'm going to give it my best shot. I'd either have to go at the crack o' dawn around 5:30, or wait until Bella woke up and go around 8:00 and put her in the day care they have. I checked it out and it seems like a nice facility, and I wouldn't really hesitate putting her in there, except I feel a little bit guilty thinking of her in there for even 1-2 hours everyday... (If I ever got to that point.)Maybe she'd have fun, who knows? These three weeks will be the test to see if I can justify spending the money on the membership, so we'll see... I'll keep you posted on my progress and possible failures. (That's a great attitude, isn't it?)

I love good mail!!

Check out the sweet mail I got from Sheloo today! (Okay "Sheloo" is a typo, it is supposed to be "Shell", but I really like Sheloo. I'm stickin with it. It sounds like so much fun! Sheloo!)
Anyway, apparently I was on her list too! (as well as Jill-)It included the same Making Memories stickers that she and Jill both got, the coolest Heidi Swapp letters in pink, 2 magnetic letters for my fridge, colored staples, and a giant Heidi Swapp flower that I can't wait to use! (probably on Bella's album that I'm working on...)
I love it, and I love reciprocity! Thank you so much Shell- it is especially appreciated on a day like today when I'm kind of glum... Three Cheers for Sheloo!

Disclaimer: More Diet Talk.

So as even the most casual blogger should know, I have struggled with my diet for some time now. Like.. going on 4 months since I was really stalwart. This is really strange since I am (lovingly, I'm sure...) referred to as the 'diet nazi' in my family. I have let 8 pounds creep back up on me which is unacceptable! I have about 14 more I'd like to lose, so I need to get back to business and make it a priority. I need to make these life-long habits and not just a quick fix since I am now responsible for a little girl. I am so afraid that she will pick up on my insecurities and develop her own at an early age as I did. (I remember going on my first 100% fat-free diet when I was 12. It consisted largely of applesauce, carrots, and bread.) So I decided a little while ago that I would stop voicing my insecurities, and maybe that eventually would lead to thinking them less and less. I haven't been as successful as I would like in this endeavor, so I am recommitting right now. There are 2 main reasons for this: I want to stop feeling negative things about my body. I know this probably isn't possible, at least to completely happy with my body all the time. But I know there is great room for improvement. This will obviously make me happier, but I think it is the kind of thing that will have a ripple effect with those around me, especially my daughter(s). I want Bella (and other children to come)to grow up feeling grateful for their bodies, accepting of their differences, and confident. I also want them to learn to take care of their bodies from an early age. So in addition to changing my mind-set, I need to cement my good physical habits. So here is my back on track plan diet-wise:
1. This week I am dedicated to writing down EVERYthing I eat, even if I don't stick to my points. So far I have been quite successful. I haven't stuck right in my points, but I have written in all down, embarrassing as it may be!
2. Next week I will stick to my points, and try to stay in the median. I don't want to be on the high end.
3. Week after, I will make sure that I eat at least 5 fruits and veggies a day.
4. Then I will eat only 1-2 sweets a day. (Point-worthy sweets.- On yeah, about that whole sugar-fast thing. I did it wonderfully for 2 weeks, and then decided to stop. I actually felt good about it because I didn't spazz out and eat a whole bunch of sugar and then decided not to do the sugar fast anymore.. It was a very rational decision. I'm considering doing it again, more long term. I think it helped curb my eating.)
Hopefully these baby steps will help everything come together and get me back on track. I want to be at my goal-weight by my birthday in mid-June. Wish me luck!
I don't have any plans for exercise yet, outside of the occasional Dance Dance Revolution...
p.s. Check out Timm's post today. I loved it.

Good Mail Day!

Check out the cutest Thank You card from Jill. In case you can't tell, she took a picture of the covetous Impress alphabet rubber stamps spelling out 'thanks'. *Ingenious* I say! Thanks Jill. I love having creative friends and cool thing in the mail.

Sweet Bella is no cat.

I took this picture of Bella a couple of days ago and I love it. Timm and Rachelle said she looks concerned, which maybe she does a little bit, but I think it's sweet. I love her pouty lips and her eyes. I love having this little girl to be the subject of countless photo shoots and scrapbook pages. Just think... If I didn't have her, I may have become one of those people who makes entire album for her cats. I love my cats, and I can see doing a page or 2 about them because they are important to me, but not whole albums. You know those people who call their pets their kids? Yeah, well they never had kids. (I hope no one reading this is offended, but it's true.) I am a self-professed animal-lover, even animal spazz. My parents were kind to indulge this love from an early age and let me acquire the following animals, which we owned (mostly)one at a time: countless cats, 3 dogs, 3 rabbits, millions of 'feeder' fish, 1 mouse, 4 lizards, 1 horse, and an almost lamb. Since living under my parents roof I have also owned several rats, (they really make great pets, I swear!) 2 snakes and 2 hairless cats. (they deserve a class of their own.) I have been a Petco manager, and worked at my favorite job ever as a Veterinary Technician for 5 years.I am still a self-professed animal lover, but no matter how much you love them (A *lot* in my case) they are still simply, not kids. Luckily, I can have it both ways.
(wow, that kind or ran away with me. I had nothing but a picture of Bella to post and it spiraled into a whole post about "animal- kids.")

More Monday Minutiae

Today has been a quite productive day. It feels good to work hard and get things done in the hope that the rest of my week can be relaxing and get some fun things done. (I guess it's because I only have 1 child at home that I have that luxury. I find myself a little bit panicky when I think about how I'll ever get anything necessary or fun done with more kids at home.) I have cleaned my *whole* house, am on load 4 of laundry, and cleaned every inch of my table and chairs in my kitchen. (kindly donated by Michelle)And it's not even 5 o'clock yet! Wow! I love a clean house. And my house smells so much cleaner since getting new carpet. I don't even care what color it is anymore. It's new, it's clean, and it's cushy. The only thing left to do today is wax the floor and fold the laundry. The next three nights I am going to try and scrapbook while Timm is at lab. I am in a creative funk due to my funky emotional state, so I need to pull myself out of it.
(BTW- This is the kind of post that sometimes makes me wonder why I blog... I have nothing to say, but I can't skip 2 days in a row, so you're once again left with minutiae. Not even interesting minutiae.)
p.s. Speaking of Michelle, have you seen her pages she's posted lately? She and Jill are doing the Rhonna Farrer challenge, and I am so jealous! Check them out.

Like it or Not

Here is a layout I did while watching Conference today. I haven't totally formed a great opinion of it yet. It gave me much hassle when it was supposed to be a quick, no-brainer project that I had all sketched out for like a month! Many technical difficulties abounded, but we'll see. I have others I like better, but I am going to try to submit at least one for CK Fresh Face. Oh well, it still feels good to create!

"What is Goin On?!" (as sung by Lucas)

Ahh!! I know Michelle and Jill both already blogged about this, but I can't help it! I was so inspired by the first talk in General Conference by Robert D. Hales. (General Conference is a twice yearly event in my church where we are uplifted and renewed! In Utah we are *oh so lucky* enough to watch it on tv in our living rooms!)It was about choice and agency! It was one of those times that it seemed like it was just for me. (Apparently it was just for a lot of us though...) I haven't been able to shake these thoughts ever since Jill's initial post about choices. Here's what I got from his talk.
* The adversary cannot make us do anything
* Everything we do either moves us closer to the Lord or farther away
* We allow Satan to influence us, and he knows this.
* The adversary cannot take away our agency without our yielding it to him.
* CHOOSE TO:
* Truly accept that you are a child of God.
* Truly accept that He has the power to help you.
* Put everything you have on the altar of God.
* Feel the Spirit through prayer, scripture study, church and in your home.

I am feeling like this applies so much in my life right now. It makes me feel kind of stupid that I haven't caught on more before the age of 25, but better now than never, or later! (If only I can retain some of this knowledge...) I am also reading The Screwtape Letters right now for the first time and *loving* it!!! I love reading something that is so interesting and thought-provoking, but also uplifting! I have many thoughts on that as well, so I just need to gather them so I can post something coherent. I highly recommend the book.
Here are some random thoughts on choice I had today after conference.
*I can choose to be self-conscious, or I can choose to forget about it, or I can choose to do something about it. Going back to grandma's wisdom- does it really matter? Is it okay with me, and is it okay with the Savior?
*I can choose to be happy. This is a lesson my mom tried to teach me as a youth. As a young and ornery spazz (as opposed to the older ornery spazz I am today-) She used to try and tell me that happiness was a choice, not merely a fortunate circumstance. It would make me so mad, as she generally tried to tell me this as I was already unhappy. This is still a difficult thing for me since I suffer from depression. It's not *quite* that simple for me because of the physiological two cents my brain throws in, but I'm learning I have more choice in the matter than I may have initially thought. Turns out that may be the case with most things. Seriously- aha! Moment here with the choices I have everyday in my little life.